I don't like myself

[lonelygirl7]

I can't say a single nice thing about myself.
I am not funny, smart, pretty, good listener, hardworking or fun.
I don't like how I treat people. But I don't know how to change... 26 years I lived and I was never wanted. Not by my parents or my sister, never had any friends. I don't know how to be social and I am scared of any social interaction. I have a boyfriend god know how. I don't know what's wrong with him... I am 0. Nothing, useless and before you think I want nice words or empathy. No I don't cause I know I am useless, unworthy but what I don't know is how to change it. I am stuck and I need help but I am too proud to ask. I have no energy and no reason to live at this point and I can feel it's slowly getting worse and worse

Go to the doctor and show him what you have written here. Then you don't have to say it out loud. You need real life support.

I want to but I have other health problems (not mental health) and every time I go to the gp I feel they judge me. I feel like they trying to push me out of the doctors room as my problem is not serious enough. I can't go with this. Hell just laugh...

OP, I’m really sorry that you feel this way. You sound exhausted. Have you considered speaking to your GP, and explaining how you feel?

Sorry cross posted. Are there other GPs at your practice you could ask to see?

Can you take someone with you if you need support? It is very hard to stand up for yourself when you feel like this.

The interactions with our parents and close family members greatly shape or sense of self. The difficult bond / lack of you describe will have an effect on your self esteem, sense of self worth and how you relate to the world. No health care professional worth their title will read your OP and laugh. You need help and support to see how much you are worth. Just the fact you are aware of some difficulties and wanting to change shows you do have very positive traits. All you need is some guidance to find the way to get where you want to be. All the best OP, you are very clever and brave.

OP, It doesn't matter if the GP judges you or not. What matters is you get the medical help you need. Don;t be put off asking for it just because they treat you dismissively.
As to not liking yourself, please take it from an old bird with a long long long history of depression: do something about this as your top priority. Everything else in your life stems from this. Here are some steps I took.

1. Accept that you have to live with you. You can;t divorce or walk away, so you may as well make friends with yourself. This can take a while to accept, but just keep telling yourself this.
2. Ask yourself: what would make my life better: living with someone who hates me or someone who is my friend?
3. Pretend you like you. Treat yourself as if you were someone you liked. Some ideas are:

eat healthy food shower or bathe daily catch yourself thinking vicious angry, judgemental thoughts, and just take a few breaths. Maybe even pat yourself on the arm or shoulder and say, 'That's enough now' gently, like you might do to calm a child.

1. Get to know yourself. Find out what you like - what sort of films, books, foods, smells, music, sports, hobbies, clothes, colours etc and use this info as ways of being nice to yourself.

Remember you really really don't have to actually like yourself to start to treat yourself as if you do. You just have to be sick of living this way and feeling this way.

Finally - do voluntary work. You can't 100% hate someone who gives up their time for free to help others. Accept you won't always do it perfectly, but do it. Food banks, animal sanctuaries, charity shops etc all need people.

I have no relationship with my parents or my sister. I am being honest when I say I don't have any friends. I am trying to mask as much as I can in front of my boyfriend. I keep blaming my mood changes on my period but I know it's not true. I am exhausted. I recently left my old job as I wanted to change careers but really struggling to get even an interview in the industry I want to work in. I can't really go soft in front of my partner he'll just tell me to put my big girl pants on. And I don't want him to comfort me... I feel like he thinks I don't deserve it. I am just so exhausted and stuck and I so want to help myself but I honestly don't know how. I don't want to go to the gp. Awful experiences I had there... been thinking about maybe a psychologist would help but are my problems are big enough to go there ... I don't know

lonely you sound deeply depressed. The things you are describing feel very real and immovable to you but they are symptoms that fit with those of depression, so it would be worth taking them to a gp for help and diagnosis.

You may feel like they are judging you but that is probably because you are projecting your feelings of worthlessness about yourself on to others. It is completely legitimate for you to have identified that you might be depressed and to ask for help. It might also be that there are physical reasons for the way you are feeling so a gp can help eliminate those. You do not have to suffer unhelped.

You could also go for counselling. Look up the BACP website. You'd have to pay, but some do sliding scale rates depending on your income. If you can't face the gp, try this. They list different specialisms so you can find someone in your area who seems to resonate with you. Also, if you don't click with the first person you meet, that is fine, sometimes it takes a few goes to find the right person.

You could also try some self help books. Have a google. I agree trying to do something nice for yourself every day is a good start. You won't feel like it but just taking the action to be kind to yourself can have a positive accumulation.

Your problems are definitely enough for a psychologist! If you can I would try to find someone who has a EDMR qualification - you seem to fundamentally believe you are unlikeable and this can be changed, AND it sounds like you've had some traumatic early experiences..

I hate to say it but GPs are usually pretty useless with mental health - they'll give you antidepressants and sign you up for a CBT course but that;s about it..

Scortja although it happens often as you describe, GP’d have access to two levels of counselling. Trauma during early years which may be what the OP is describing would warrant more than CBT and a referral for psychotherapy may be actioned.

OP it sounds like you are reaching the point we’re trying to hide the problems and ignoring them is longer a good strategy. I would encourage you to find someone IrL to talk to.

I need some help. I know. I'll check out the website you guys have suggested but I don't know how I can rock up to the gp with my problem. My uncle committed suicide about 5 years ago. I wasn't particularly close to him but I always understood why he did it even tho I think it's the most selfish thing to do I kind of see why he did it. Recently I have been toying with the idea and even tho I know it's not a solution I just can't get myself to make a change. I want to make a change I need a change and I need help but I physically feel heavy worthless and I just can't. I'm sorry it's confusing I know I really don't know how to describe this whole thing

You’re doing a good job of explaining how you feel, and I think your idea of going to see a psychologist/psychotherapist as you can’t face your GP is a really good one.