Please can you help me understand this type of behaviour / habit....

[Chillspot]

Please can you help me understand this type of behaviour / habit, and is anyone else guilty of it....?

....When you put off a task (could be an awkward task), and keep putting it off until it gets to the stage where it would be too embarrassing / shameful to mention it or carry it out.

Is it Procrastination?

Thankfully I don't have anything like this going on right now, but I can think of times in the past when I've felt like this, and I think I want to understand it better and hopefully prevent it ever happening again.

Any thoughts / experiences much appreciated!

In answer to your other question, I'm self employed and have missed invoicing a customer. Since May. I feel I can't do it now. Its going to be a huge bill.
I'm clearly not cut out for self employment.

Thanks for sharing dona. That's exactly the kind of example I'm talking about and trying to understand.

That must feel quite frustrating for you.

I shall come back and read this thread later

Lol @ Alec. Why do something today that can be put off until tomorrow eh?

I have always been like this to some extent. As a teenager at school my homework/exam revision was always done on the bus on the way to school. Not because I was out with friends all night (we lived in the middle of nowhere) but because I’ve always needed the pressure of a looming deadline to get things done.

Then after I had my son I suffered with anxiety and depression and just couldn’t do life. I had to stop work and it took me so long I sort out benefits. I knew the money was going to run out. I knew it was long to take probably a month before benefits started coming in. I still did nothing until my wages were completely gone. It was awful, I felt so guilty and was so aware of what I needed to do but it was like a mental block and I just couldn’t do it.

Thankfully I am much better now. Still a massive procrastinator - I think that’s just me - it not to the point where it is detrimental to our family.

Thanks for sharing Mary. As mentioned previously upthread there seems to be a link between this type of behaviour and depression.

Yes it’s such a blow to motivation when you have depression.

I was once asked, do you keep your house tidy because you like it that way, or in case someone comes round and judges you for it? That can be a good indicator of your motivation levels.

I used to call it procrastination, but this year started calling it what I think it actually is - self sabotage.

And yes it most certainly is linked in my experience to depression and anxiety. And lack of confidence as well.

With me it's definitely depression linked.
The task just becomes too big and I can't face even starting.
I have some success in breaking whatever it is down into tiny chunks so I can at least manage something, even if I don't complete.
It's not always possible though. Sometimes my brain just won't let me.

I have this today, I call it 'lazyitis ' 😬

I have this on trait.

I believe it's on a continuum from mild harmless 'oh it won't hurt til tomorrow' to self sabotage 'I really should have done this already!" up the other end.

Procrastibation is another linked in for me where I put off doing boring or possibly stress tasks by having a quick fumble

A number of themes seem to be emerging on here:

Depression
Anxiety
Self sabotage
ADHD
Fear of failure
Perfectionism

Lots for me to think about and figure out which of those categories resonate the most (the last two certainly do)

As we speak I am putting off doing a task that needs to be done by the end of Friday. It is not especially difficult or unpleasant, I just know that it will take a while and requires me digging out documents/information from several places. I have known about this for months. This week I decided that I will have it done by the end of today so that I am not in a panic tomorrow. Yet I am on MN and not doing the task.

I don't do this with everything, and never did it at all as a child/teen (all my homework etc was always done ahead of time and revision not left to the last minute). It really does feel like I am intentionally making my life more difficult- but I still do it.

Thanks for sharing Haireverywhere. Love your very honest response at the end!

Linking that to Tim Urban (as mentioned by previous posters) who talks about the Instant Gratification Monkey.

I'm very, very, very good at procrastinating. MN is a great/terrible distraction for me. I'm off to do some impossible tasks that I've been putting off.

I am going to have to read some of those links...

But already I am putting that off because it feels uncomfortable - I don’t want to confront my fear of failure, or what I’ve been thinking recently is a fear of just doing anything decisive, it’s not so much that it might fail, it’s that I am so used to feeling stuck, the feeling of moving forward is alien and disconcerting

One other thing I’ve realised applies to me and procrastination is the number of tasks I can hold in my head at one time. So if for example I’m thinking about paying some bills, calling my Mum and doing the laundry, I will probably be able to get all that done over a couple of days. BUT if I start giving some headspace to things that crop up - DP wants to organise a holiday, I decide I need to look in to exercise classes again, I realise someone’s birthdays coming up, and I need to tidy up the kitchen - then nothing gets done, I can’t even do the easiest thing. It’s like by piling up the tasks in my head, a critical mass builds up and explodes everything so I can’t concentrate at all. I have to consciously decide to shelve everything except the most pressing, do that, and then try and get back on track again. Sometimes I let this go on too long and I let go of tasks - like sorting out my DS’s Nursery place - so many times for not being pressing enough that I just get used to that being something I think about, feel guilty for not doing, then not do again, and then it only gets done once it’s embarrassinly overdue...

So I have to work very hard to keep my head edited! It means I’m a lot slower than a lot of people at getting stuff done and that is frustrating but I’ve learnt over and over again that I have to pace myself mentally or I break down in one way or another

Thanks for sharing Coriander. I can relate to some extent. Because of my tendency towards perfection, if unexpected tasks start cropping up, I go into major prioritisation mode, and then have a tendency to concentrate only on those high priority tasks, and do them as perfectly as time will allow. Problem is, lots of other tasks don't get done for some time thereafter.

This is all really helpful thank you.

Just following on from that, those tasks that don't get done for sometime thereafter, eventually become embarrassing or even shamefully late.

I can relate to the perfectionism and fear of failure, and turning things I want to do into things that should be done to some kind of external standard. I’d recommend the book ‘Isn’t about time’ by Andrea Perry.

This is me. Always has been. Never achieve my full potential coz I leave everything to the last minute. I have taken notes from the Tim Urban articles to help me at work - very useful.

In my personal life, I had great success earlier this year using a Bullet Journal. I felt calm and under control, with no fear about all the tasks in my head that might or might not get done. It was great.

I let the journalling slip once I got life under control and had a consistent routine on place, but I'm going to start again now the kids are back at school and the list of things to do/remember feels like it's getting out of hand again.