We habe 3 DC aged 9, 3 and 2. I had been very keen to try to #4 almost right after last DC was born as we already have a 6 yesr age gap and I much prefer it when they are close together in age. DH took a bit more time to come round to the idea, but we started TTC last Christmas. I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks in March, and it was really awful. I know this seems silly but having had 3 veey problem free pregnancies I just was totally unprepared for it. It was devastating, but my knee-jerk reaction was to very much want to TTC again as soon as I was given the all clear. DH was much more hesitant, we had a house move planned for June and he didn't want to do anything until "we were settled and had the house sorted". We disagreed on this point because I felt that it can take people years to fully settle in a house and there is some non-urgent but fairly expensive work that needs to be done in our new house, I was worried "getting settled" would take years and I don't want another big gap.
DH is now happy to TTC. I had basically convinced myself that it would years before he would be ready and by that stage I wouldn't want to go back to sleepless nights etc and so it essentially wasn't happening.
In my head I had been focusing on the positives of sticking with 3: long haul holidays we can go on as a family now the younger ones are getting up, I can replace my old car, we can get the new furniture and work done around the house quickly and easily with 2 incomes and no maternity leave. Sleepless nights/teething/very clingy baby stages all behind us now/it's easier to go out to restaurants etc as a family.
But in my heart I want 4. I've always wanted 4. I feel intensely broody, I'm unsure it this will ever go away, and I'm terrified I'll spend the rest of my life wanting that 4th. Sometimes I think so it's just another couple of years of babyhood, the other 3 would love a baby in the family and there's plenty of time left to buy all the cars and holidays and whatever else, and sure I'd take my kids over material possessions any day.
What would you do?