Help me to help.myself please

[Decided]

To cut a long story short. My childhood was a bit crap. Nothing horribly abusive or anything but i don't remember much and what I do wasn't filled with happy memories.

I know I need to go to therapy but in all honesty I just cannot afford it. I don't even know what type of therapy would be useful too.
I've been on CBT therapy for social anxiety which I understand is a result of my childhood. It didn't really help and I found myself turning to self help books. I'm going from one thing to another and I don't know what to do. Nothing seems to help me.

I don't know how to help myself. I've got issues with having low self worth, horrible inner critic, anxiety around being assertive even if I've been wronged, not being able to take opportunities, low self confidence, low self esteem, difficulty saying no, lack of identity, poor emotional boundaries, the list goes on.

This has affected my entire life, ive missed opportunities, im scared of everything and everyone. I hate who I am.

I don't know what to do and where to start.

How much of your list is true and how much is your horrible inner critic talking?

Every time your inner critic speaks ask yourself if you would say it to a stranger? To a friend? If the answer to those is no, then tell yourself to ignore it because it's most likely hypercritical.

That is very good advice.

I had a very happy childhood but not that long ago threw a nasty h out.

Count your blessings. Keep counting your blessings.
Be accountable for your own choices.
Organise sleep into your life.

Look for integrative psychotherapy and see if therapists will offer a discount for low earners.

I’ve been in therapy for a long time and have had to prioritise it over things, but it was by far the best choice I’ve made. When I’ve needed it, my therapist has charged me less, which is pretty common.