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Original poster

"You're so pretty you don't need to wear makeup..."

36 replies

SapphireSeptember · 04/09/2018 13:19

(Not a stealth boast, I think I'm about average.)
But anyway, thanks, I think. Although you're making the assumption I use make up to improve my appearance. I don't, I use it because I like putting colourful things on my face. I wear eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick and highlighter (I love highlighter, the more sparkly and iridescent the better!) Foundation is too much hassle, although I'll occasionally break out the white face powder for old times sake. I could do with concealer on the dark circles under my eyes, but I quite like the 'vampire who never sleeps' look. Blusher never looks right on me, despite the fact that I own some really pretty ones (I've ended up using them as eyeshadow.) Mascara ends up smuged on my glasses, so I don't bother.
I just find these kind of comments incredibly patronising. It's my face, I'll choose what goes on it, thank you very much. And that could be anything, depending on my mood, from full on Goth to soft pretty pastels. I love and adore make up, and the way wearing it makes me feel. (Happy, confident and more like myself.)

OP posts:
Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 13:22

I'm in total agreement that statement is incredibly patronising

My role in earth is not to look good ,I want to paint my face with layers of makeup and bathe in highlighter then I will...i honestly find the statement so infantilising because it means someone feels they can comment on my body and appearance

Phew actually didn't realise how angry it made me :-) I like makeup and clothes and it's no-one business either way

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 13:22

Err ok so annoyed I missed words out ! Sorry

Basically if I want to paint my face it's not about others so they should keep their beak out lok

LanguidLobster · 04/09/2018 13:25

It's probably well intentioned so just shrug and say that you like wearing it Grin

Bet David Bowie never got that hassle.

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Standbyyourmammaryglands · 04/09/2018 13:27

It sounds like a back handed compliment to me tbh..

Maybe people are trying to say

‘Your make up is weird/too much’

I’d love to see a picture as your description sounds mad Grin

Original poster
SapphireSeptember · 04/09/2018 13:31

Gettingbackonmyfeet Agreed. Now I want to cover myself in highlighter! I can pretend to be a fairy... Grin

LanguidLobster I bet he didn't, or Robert Smith. Hmm, maybe I should start painting glittery stars on my face. It'll be the next big thing! I know it's well intentioned, and I did say similar, but I still find it irritating so came on here to rant about it! Grin

OP posts:
Smellybean · 04/09/2018 13:32

I would love it if someone said this to me. I’ve had bad skin since I was a teenager (40 now). So full cake face foundation has been the name of the game for me since I can remember.
I think it’s meant as a compliment op.

Original poster
SapphireSeptember · 04/09/2018 13:40

Standbyyourmammaryglands I don't wear it all at the same time! Grin My look wasn't too much, purple eyeshadow with a lighter colour over the top, black eyeliner, pale gold highlighter (I'd forgotten to bring one with me so I used an eyeshadow out of the palette I had with me) and a soft plummy purple lipstick (this was Sunday, so I'd been to church and couldn't be too out there.) Today I'm off work sick, so slumming about in a nightie, hair in a ponytail and no make up, as I was yesterday. Okay, next time I do one of my crazy looks I'll post a picture. Grin

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 04/09/2018 13:44

Yay! Look forward to crazy pic. With multi coloured stars. It's amazing what some you tubers can do with make-up, an art form.
The comments are probably just that you have pretty skin.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 13:45

Hehe DP always smiles when I have lots of highlighter on and I asked him one day and he said he had heard me as I was putting my make up on mutter to myself "fuck it i want to glow to the gods today .... I'm a beautiful pixie Grin" as embarrassing as that was he said it made him smile that I was in a good mood and happy so now he smiles when I do it Grin

See trouble is sometimes people mean well yes but sometimes they don't and it's quite a judgey statement ...it depends on who is saying it

Standbyyourmammaryglands · 04/09/2018 13:50

sapphire gutted was expecting a goth unicorn look! Gutted Wink

As my old granny says ‘if it suits the wearer bugger the starer’!

LittleMissedTheSunshine · 04/09/2018 13:51

It does presume that the only reason for wearing makeup is to 'look pretty'.

Reminds me of that old joke I used to hear at school - 'why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they smell'.

Not a very funny joke for anyone over the age of 12 but makes the point through irony that this is NOT why we wear makeup and perfume!

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 13:54

Standby that's an amazing phrase .... your granny clearly rocked Grin

Original poster
SapphireSeptember · 04/09/2018 14:21

LanguidLobster So no pressure then? Grin I need to dig out my glittery eyeshadow!

Gettingbackonmyfeet Aww, that's lovely! I'll remember that next time I pile on the highlighter! Smile

Standbyyourmammaryglands Imma gonna do a Goth unicorn look, it will be epic! Sparkle like a unicorn, snark like a Snape... Just checking, do I need a horn or can I skip that bit? I'd've liked your granny, she sounds ace.

LittleMissedTheSunshine Exactly, we do it because we want to!

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 04/09/2018 14:33

A man once got on my train to tell me that. I was going to meet my boyfriend at the station when I got off so was topping up my make up. A random man got on my carriage and said ‘you don’t need that you are gorgeous’ and then got off again before train started moving. Never before or since has anything like that happened. That day I did feel pretty good in myself and it was one of those days where you actually feel you look pretty good.

Pandamodium · 04/09/2018 14:37

I have the opposite if I don't have my face on I get asked if I'm ill/mentally stable.

DH is the only person who says shite like that although other then my DC he's the only person who sees me without any on but it's meant nicely I think.

If I want to glow/sparkle I damn well will.

TheGoddessFrigg · 04/09/2018 14:43

My natural skin colour is the colour of skimmed milk with a blue undertone. Without make up, I look like I have started the zombie apocalypse early.

Someone on FB accused me of wearing 'SLAVE FACE'- but as a mostly exGoth I can't process that. I'd wear a tricorn hat and stick on facial patches if I dared.

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2018 14:44

I have the opposite if I don't have my face on I get asked if I'm ill/mentally stable

🤣🤣🤣

CandidaAlbicans · 04/09/2018 14:45

Ah yes, back handed compliments Hmm
One (middle aged) man told me "I bet you were a stunner when you were younger". I was about 35 at the time and looking pretty good with it Hmm

M3lon · 04/09/2018 14:45

on the fence with this.

If you don't wear any make up then people should not under any circumstances comment on your face or lack of makeup.

On the flip side, if you do wear attention grabbing make up then I feel you are making a statement that looks are important to you. If you do that then I think its a tiny tad unreasonable to act irritated if people attempt to compliment you on your looks.

In an ideal world they still shouldn't, but they can be forgiven for thinking you might want comments on your appearance if you go out of your way to emphasize your appearance.

Thisnamechanger · 04/09/2018 14:49

Although you're making the assumption I use make up to improve my appearance.

Isn't that what everyone uses it for?

Babdoc · 04/09/2018 14:51

It’s fine if you’re all making a free choice to wear the stuff. Crack on. But I meet so many women who have terribly low self esteem, who are scared to even leave the house without trowelling on layers of slap, that I feel angry at the manufacturers, the advertising industry and the patriarchy for pushing this relentless propaganda that women have to be covered in chemical gunk to be acceptable in public.
I’ve had female patients reluctant to remove mascara before a general anaesthetic for head or neck surgery, even when I’ve explained that their eyes need to be taped shut and will not produce tears for hours, so the dry mascara would be excoriating their corneas.
If make up is so empowering and wonderful, why don’t men waste a small fortune and hours every week applying the stuff, or feel terrified to go out without it?

fieryginger · 04/09/2018 15:01

My husband says this after 33 years. I don't find it patronising because I know he's not that kind of guy. That's also not a stealth boast, he's wrong! I think it's more a familiar face thing, I look hideous with and without make up 😂

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2018 15:05

In an ideal world they still shouldn't, but they can be forgiven for thinking you might want comments on your appearance if you go out of your way to emphasize your appearance

What?? In the same vein if a woman wears a short skirt she's asking for attention?

This is 2018. Not 1950. We can do with our appearance as we please. Answer no we are not asking for comments. And no it can't be forgiven.

MagicMix · 04/09/2018 15:10

Not a very funny joke for anyone over the age of 12 but makes the point through irony that this is NOT why we wear makeup and perfume!

But actually the reason for a lot of perfume and makeup wearing IS that huge numbers of women have been socialised to believe deep down that there is something wrong with them that needs fixing, i.e. that in their natural state they are ugly and smelly. You're in denial if you think all or even most female cosmetic use is motivated by fun and creativity.

If you are genuinely enjoying yourself playing with makeup and there are no social situations in which you feel it would be 'inappropriate', 'unprofessional' or 'sloppy' etc for a woman to be completely makeup free when you would have different standards for a man, then super. I don't think you could justifiably say this is a majority view in our culture, though.

OP, yeah that is a staggeringly rude thing to say to a person. Nobody needs to wear makeup.

ForalltheSaints · 04/09/2018 15:16

No-one needs to wear make-up, except for the stage and tv.