Is my child ‘abnormal’?

[topsyanddim]

My just turned 3 years old is going through a bad tantrum stage. Previously she was quite calm but the tide has turned and pretty much every day we have a meltdown, often more than once. These are usually because she’s not been allowed to do something. I thought frequent tantrums were normal but I’ve just read it’s a red flag if children tantrum more than 10 times a month. Should I be worried?

Mine was an angel but even she could rack up more than 10 on one bad day, let alone a month. She's just testing boundaries and looking for a bit of independence but can't understand yet why she isn't allowed to do stuff. Pick your battles. She sounds perfectly normal.

That’s what I thought? But when I was looking up tips I came across a number of places pointing out that more than 10 a month is a red flag and they should be taken for assessment, which got me wondering/ worrying!

10 a month is a red flag 😂 do these people have toddlers?

She'll be lovely again in about a year. Good luck!

Assessment for what, exactly? Toddlerhood? At that age, without any other behaviours or traits, I would say she was being a totally typical small human.

How do you deal with the tantrum? I definitely made things worse by trying to engage. Once I'd learned to largely ignore them they reduced massively.

Here’s the link

www.webmd.com/parenting/news/20071219/5-tantrum-red-flags

And the quote

Preschoolers who have 10 to 20 tantrums a month at home, or who have more than five tantrums a day on multiple days outside the home, are at risk of a serious psychiatric problem

I try and ignore her and then every few minutes I ask if she wants a hug. Eventually she says yes

This is the first I've heard. I've looked after 2 or 3 yr olds than can tantrum ten times in an hour! 😆
The best way I've found to deal is to anticipate it. And try not to use a negative no, if that makes sense.
Eg, if the ask to watch tv instead of a flat no, say we can watch later, right now we need to.....
Or positively list everything in an upbeat way like, 'we're going to the shops, yeay, then having lunch - I like sandwiches - then we can watch some tv.
Basically verbally distracting them 😆
Or when a child asks me for sweets in the shop I just act disappointed and say something like "awww yeah, I'd really really love to have those sweets too, but I can't because we didn't come into the shop for sweets today. Aww. Maybe I can have them another day." 😄
I think lots of tantrums can be normal. It's just their way of showing you they aren't happy with the situation and can't quite deal with the emotions or verbalise them yet xx

Those articles said preschoolers... I'd be worried if a four year old was having lots of tantrums. Just turned three yr old I think is perfectly normal.

What a load of bollocks! My dd can comfortably rack up 5 tantrums a day when out. To be fair she did come across a little psychotic when she kicked off about her brother looking out of her window on the train today but I have no worries about her. She's 3, she's pushing boundaries and testing limits, she'll grow out of it.

I saw a little one have a tantrum yesterday because he couldn't have all the sweets in the cinema. He had filled his buggy with them (at £3.45 a bag) while his mum bought tickets. MASSIVE tantrum.

Then today I saw a little boy start screaming because his dad was 'making his hair all the wrong way'. His dad had just patted his head.

When my dd was at this stage I thought it was only us and that something must be wrong for her to kick off continually and irrationally like that. I though people were judging. Now she's all grown up I see it happen all the time and it makes me smile. I know you won't believe me, but I miss it and would swap it for teen dramas any day. Both my kids could tantrum for England when they were little - and still can on occasion - no evidence of psychosis yet.

Thanks felix that is reassuring!

Thanks all for your advice

Only 10 tantrums a month?
I guess that makes my 4 year old a psychotic monster then.
Some kids do tantrum quite a lot. In my son's case, he's very stubborn. At only 5 his go to response is a tantrum, though it is changing now.