How did/do you broach dementia with your parent?

[fallenempires]

Any help gratefully received.

The NHS and Alzheimer’s Society have some suggestions for this difficult conversation -

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia/worried-someone-has-dementia/

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/how-dementia-progresses/concerned-about-someone-elses-memory-problems

What are her symptoms?

We talk about it in terms of short term memory loss, in a way similar to other disabilities. Sometimes it has to be discussed in a way which is really upsetting - for example, when I had to insist on carers to support her taking her medication when she was quite convinced she was taking it (she wasn’t). I asked her if she trusted me - she said she did - and I asked her to cooperate so I could help her remain as independent as possible for as long as possible.

She still finds it hard and gets cross at times because she didn’t think she needs the help. But overall, so far, she is cooperating.

I tend to approach it as you would an intelligent dependent young adult - as much leeway as possible but safeguarding in place.

Oh and essential if not already in place - get Power of Attorney set up while you can.

With my mother, when she was showing worrying symptoms, I just mentioned it to her and asked if she had noticed. She had, which made things a lot easier.

Turns out it wasn’t dementia or anything but a mini stroke / TIA.

However, discussions about getting care in the home are shut down by her and not entertained

Please have a look at the Alzheimer's Society website. There is a very helpful forum called Talking Point. Whatever you are going through, others will have been there - not that there are often easy answers. Many people inc. me have found it a lifeline (mother and FiL both had dementia).

Except perhaps in the very early stages, the very fact of having dementia can often mean that people can't understand or remember that there's anything wrong with them. They can't remember that they can't remember anything, if that makes sense.

My own mother was told by her GP that she had Alzheimer's, but had forgotten by the time she got home maybe 10 minutes later, and reminding her only made her cross - there was nothing wrong with her! - so we soon stopped, and just referred to 'getting a bit more forgetful' instead. After all, nobody wants to be endlessly reminded that they have a horrible disease with no cure.

If a person isn't very reluctant to go to the GP at all, what is often recommended is to write to the GP explaining the circs, and ask for the person to be called in for an 'over X age health check'.
Good luck.

Thank you all so much for posting.
I have decided to contact the GP for help with the Yearly Health Check suggestion and take it from there.