Talk to me about your almost 4 year old...

[Srsly]

I have a few niggling concerns about my DS, who is 4 this month. Am not sure if he is where he should be socially.

He prefers adult company and will generally stick with me even when we are with a group of other children.

In a group of other children he will often play alone, quite happily.

Sometimes joins in with games others are playing but doesn't seem to know how to initiate play in new situations.

If we go out with a friend of his to the park he will generally run off and do his own thing, ocasionally chatting to his friend or shouting after him.

I guess I was just expecting that by 4 he'd have firm best friends and he's play with other children more than he does. He still seems very much to play alongside them, ocasionally joining in. He does talk to them and make conversation. He's not a shy boy, will talk the hind legs off a donkey and he's not introverted either. He's loud and gregarious.

What are your almost 4 or just 4 year old boys like?

The same, pretty much. He's been at nursery since age 1 and although he has always had friends the nursery staff tell me that he very often plays on his own and seems very happy with that. Sometimes I'll ask if he wants me to invite a friend to soft play or the park and he mostly says no, he wants to go with me. Sometimes he says yes and they have a nice time.

I'm not really worried about it, I've always really enjoyed my own company too. I have a vivid imagination and a lot going on in my head - other kids got in the way of that when I was a child. Even though I was sociable I liked being on my own (still do!)

I have a vivid imagination and a lot going on in my head - other kids got in the way of that when I was a child

That's interesting, that is very much my DS. He is incredibly imaginative. Will build with Lego/duplo and make up stories by himself for hours, or play with little figures/cars/soft toys and role play with them.

My son will be 4 in January and can be shy at first. At nursery he is a central part of a little gang of 6 firm friends and the staff say he is very liked by all the children. We have just started one on one playdates at home with his little friends. He is an only child and has a very vivid imagination so if he is on his own he can make up games bit to be honest he loves playing with other children.

I think my son is well liked by those at nursery too. Am not sure he's part of a little gang like that but he does chat and play alongside other children.

Perhaps I'll do some playdates this year, that's a really good idea :) it's so hard to know what he's like when I'm not there!

My ds is now almost 5. This time last year he was exactly like you describe and I was slightly concerned. 1 year on he has a very definite best friend and loves playing with other children. A year has made a lot of difference.

I'm 6 year olds teacher said he was making good friendship bonds as expected in year 1, it's not really anticipated until then apparently. Xx

My 6 year old!!!!!!

My DS was like that at 4 and went on to be diagnosed with autism at age 5. He still does that thing where he drifts off from other children and is content doing his own thing. He loves going to meet other children and loves playing with them - but he doesn't connect with them as closely as they do with each other. I was initially very upset when he was diagnosed but he is doing very well now at age 8 and is very happy.

I know other children who had similar behaviours to your son and after a year or so they developed better social skills and interacted quite normally with other children.

pure yes I suppose that is the niggle I have. I work in schools so have a fairly good understanding of ASD but sometimes I wonder if I know too much and am looking for things that aren't there.

He hums and sings the entire time when he plays, he seems incapable of doing any sort of play quietly. This sort of rings alarm bells, but he's fine when not playing, doesn't hum whilst drawing or playing with his tablet etc. Just when he's sort of in his own little world.

He will chat quite happily to his peers it just seems to be the 'playing'. IYKWIM.

Equally he has a very vivid imagination and is very empathetic!

However on the flip side he does react badly when things don't go his way and doesn't know how to deal with them.

Its really hard

stripey thanks! It's hard to know if he's just on the slower end of average when it comes to his social skills or if there is something more to it which we could potentially help him with. Time will tell I suppose!

My DD has not long turned 4, and is very similar. Her childminder (background in children with SEN although not actively working with them atm) is not concerned. Try not to worry too much.