Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Please help-single mum returning to work

11 replies

onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 14:55

Dear all I'm hoping for some advice.
I'm divorced, no contact with ex. One teenager with autism, one starting secondary, one three year old.
I was an academic but have had time out for health reasons and am planning to start a new job, which is 9-4 mainly.
I'm sat here nearly crying because I just don't know how I will manage childcare. I am grateful for benefits but for my mental health I really am desperate to return to work.
However, what can I do with the kids?
The 3 year old is fine. Have a minder.
But the older ones? The eldest can be left for up to 2 hours, but not more. The one going up to secondary is very immature. I figure he can walk to the same minder, until I've finished.
I've rung the school and asked them to email me club info.
However I'm now thinking, how the hell will I manage holidays? Who will look after a 14 and 12 year old each day? I really cannot leave them.
Previously I got to work at home a lot.
This job is only 18hours so 3 days. Am going to ask to condense to 4 and do pick ups and drop offs but even so the holidays are going to be problematic. I've found this one such hard work I can't stay at home for 6 weeks again, I haven't spoken to anyone except a supermarket cashier for 6 weeks. My brain is screaming.
Is there anyone out there in similar situation who has advice? I can pay for the eldest, money isn't so much the issue, but he needs to go somewhere.
Please help, if you can.
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 16:09

Anyone?

OP posts:
HandOff · 02/09/2018 16:15

Hi, first of all hugs to you. You are doing remarkably well.

Is the company you are working for able to offer where you can purchase more annual leave days? For the holidays, can you put them in holiday clubs? Or at the child minders? Could you perhaps once you've settled in to change your hours to term time only and perhaps increasing your hours during term time to make up for the shortfall?

abbsisspartacus · 02/09/2018 16:18

Is a nanny share an option for the holidays?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 16:18

Hi i dont know yet, but it offers flexi working so that is worth asking about.
I get so enthusiastic and then everywhere I turn there's another wall to climb.
Im 40 and way too old and tired to keep battling for things.
Why can i not just get a job, go to work and earn a living?
If men had these problems there would be attached kids clubs and full funding to every office in the uk
Im sick of it

OP posts:
onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 16:19

I dont know about a nanny. We are v working class so its not really done round here.
Thanks for both replies x

OP posts:
Mindchilder · 02/09/2018 16:35

I would advertise for a local student (sixth former/uni) to just come back to your house after school and be an older, sensible friend.
I think minimum wage under 20 is about £6 an hour.
Or, if you have a spare room, you could look for an Au pair and they can help with housework too.

maxelly · 02/09/2018 16:39

Hugs OP, totally understand your need for work and to have a bit of a life of your own. It's not easy being a single mum of 3, one with SN, it sounds like you are doing great. Bear in mind that this situation will probably only be for a few years while the job could be for 10 years+... your middle boy will get more mature (he may surprise you, they can grow up a lot when starting secondary) and need much less care in the holidays plus your youngest will start school soon. Just a few ideas, sorry if some of these won't work for you (as you don;t give details of your oldest boy's needs):

-Any family, friends, parents of your boys' friends or neighbours you could beg some help off in exchange for favours/childcare in return, even if this means them coming to stay with you or you shipping the older two off to them? I have a teenage cousin with HFA and various family members stay with them over the holidays and he goes off to stay with Granny for a few weeks too, although he's not safe to stay at home alone it's no bother keeping an eye on him (he needs help with meals etc and someone to be there in an emergency but he mainly plays on his console most of the day). It's totally different IMO to looking after younger children who need actively entertaining, so people may surprise you with willingness to help, esp if you bribe them...!

-Would your eldest/middle one be OK being left for a few hours, then someone looks in at lunchtime and makes sure they have lunch etc, then left again for the afternoon? You would need to make sure they can cope in an emergency of course. If you could slightly shorten your working day and make up some hours in the evening this system could work as they'd only need to be alone a few hours at a time (if your work is amenable of course)?

-Would the youngest's sitter consider having one or both of the older boys in the holidays (don't know how this would affect her ratios but again it could be easy money for her if they are largely self-sufficient)?

-Do either of your older ones have hobbies or interests you can look at holiday courses for? They may feel they're a little old for holiday 'clubs' but be up for doing a football course or stage school or similar in the daytime? If they can persuade a friend to do it with them this can massively increase their enthusiasm in my experience! You could even look at 'stay away' camps like PGL, perhaps especially for your middle one who is a good age for things like that? Any specialist provision for autistic teens for the older one in your area?

-Remember you have annual leave and are entitled to take some unpaid parental leave in blocks of a week too, so don't feel like you need to find 6 weeks of childcare in one block, if you could find someone to cover 2 weeks, 2 weeks of courses/camps and 2 weeks of annual leave you are sorted!

Good luck!

onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 17:07

Mindchilder
Thanks for that suggestion-there's a teaching college not so far away so that's a real possibility, plus perhaps I could pay for language or study tuition, especially since it's only an hour after school. Or they could even go to the college.

Maxelly
I come from a family with quite low aspirations and I have previously held a high status position which this is not. However I am enthusiastic about it.
Your last paragraph is especially helpful, and also, I found a special needs kids summer club for 10 per day, but DS is high functioning, so not sure if it would be appropriate.
Thanks so much for the info. Am cooking dinner but will go into this in detail
I do have emergency provision but I would like to keep it for that-emergencies.

OP posts:
DelurkingAJ · 02/09/2018 17:40

I second that you may be surprised how willing people are to trade holiday favours for secondary school DC...after all, it’s mainly throwing food at them.

onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 21:44

I hope so.
I really do think that it is better for single parents to stay at home on benefits, than it is to get a job. It is secure, and means you can be there to see to the kids. I'm starting to wonder if it would be better not to be working. But I'm sat waiting for the older two to go to sleep, with the toddler next to me asleep. I can't bloody cope with them around me ALL the time, I feel like I can't breathe.

OP posts:
onetimeposter · 02/09/2018 21:50

I just started to think that, yay, they go back this week. But next week, school has decided it would be a good idea to give them Tuesday and Wednesday off, to 'recover' from their first hard week. Then they will be off a week in October. Then again for 2 and a half weeks at Christmas. The minute you get rid of them they're back again (I'm aware this sounds horrendous but having had not one minute without children in 7 weeks, I'm close to screaming. I've been drinking a fair bit the last couple of weeks just to get through it.
What annoys me is they don't even start back and do a proper week. It's one there Tuesday, one there Wednesday. For goodness sake just let them go to bloody school.

Then one has a day off in December to 'make up for' starting a day earlier than the secondaries. And clenched teeth by calling them teacher training days. They've had 7 weeks to have a sodding training day.

I just want to be able to dump them all somewhere, come home, and get back into bed.
Can't wait till Thursday for the quiet. Honestly, I've never felt so desperate, ever. My brain is hurting.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page