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Original poster

Lying about having Cancer

18 replies

fishandchops · 31/08/2018 15:59

Please bear with as this is long.

My sister in law has told me that her son has cancer, we think testicular as he has had an operation down there.

He has not told the rest of the family ie his brothers or his dad.

His appointments are always miles away when we have a cancer centre in town. He doesn't drive and therefore requires money for taxis (etc). He hasn't allowed anyone to attend these appointments with him. He is constantly changing his story, he told us it was stage 5 which set alarm bells ringing. He has been an inpatient at the hospital but when I or his brother have rang they have no record of him.

I have offered to take him to his appointments and the times are always changed until I can no longer wait any longer.

He has his own council house that keeps having the windows broken or set fire to (he told her someone lived there previously who was not a nice person) therefore he is sleeping rough or maybe sleeping at her house I'm not sure.

He has history of fraud and has recently been charged and found guilty of taking money from his mum. She has received some money and he obtained a second bank card.

He has a history of drug abuse heroin and crack cocaine.

I don't want his history to cloud my judgement but I am worried for my sister and think she is being manipulated again.

I don't know what to do I have tried to talk to her and I think deep down she knows things are not making sense, but she becomes defensive. I think she's on the verge of a mental breakdown.

How can I get the evidence I need to prove one way or the other. On one hand I want him to be lying as I'd hate for anyone to have cancer ( his brother had Hodgkin's lymphoma
5 years ago and has been given the all clear now). It's the most horrific lie if this is is what it is.

Thanks for getting through to the end.

OP posts:

FlamingoLass · 31/08/2018 16:06

All the little things start to add up don't they? And even though you being to doubt it feels wrong, and all you can think is horrible it would be to doubt him if it were true.

Unfortunately as I've grown up I have encountered 3 people who have lied about having cancer. Easy as that. It's fucking unreal.

I'm not sure how you can get to the bottom of it though but I'm sure some wise MN-ters will be able to lead the way

Original poster

fishandchops · 31/08/2018 16:13

Thankyou and yes I feel so guilty for thinking like this.

OP posts:

Helpmeyouyetti · 31/08/2018 16:20

If you have called and they have no record of him then something is definitely not right. Call them back and explain what’s happening and for them to make sure 100 percent he’s not a patient.

twosunbathingdogs · 31/08/2018 16:24

If you have called and they have no record of him then something is definitely not right. Call them back and explain what’s happening and for them to make sure 100 percent he’s not a patient

I don’t think data protection regulations would allow them to confirm whether or not he is a patient.

DaisyDreaming · 31/08/2018 16:28

Next time he is inpatient can you call with your sister? Don’t ask if there is a record just ask to speak to him. Or even say you need to change his appointment time when he has told you he has an OP appointment. Obviously I wouldn’t suggest that to someone with a slight susipicion but once a con man always a con man! Oh and print him info on how he can claim his travel fair back from the nhs and tell your sister that the nhs will deal with it!

NCNCNC123 · 31/08/2018 16:29

I agree with twosun. I rang a hospital once to find out a room number - a friend's husband was very ill and I wanted to send her something to cheer her up, as she was staying with him. The hospital denied he was there.

I felt really bad basically accusing my friend of lying about the whole scenario, but she told me the room number and I sent her the gift. I was slightly dubious about the whole thing until she thanked me for the gift, and was able to tell me what it was I'd sent.

So, following my experience, you can't take what the hospital say as proof that he's lying. Could someone offer him a lift next time and try to spy on him?

DaisyDreaming · 31/08/2018 16:30

If someone can stoop as low as to steal from their mother then they are capable of anything!

Helpmeyouyetti · 31/08/2018 16:32

Surely Hospitals can’t lie?
They may tell you they’re not allowed to give out information but they can’t say there is no one by that name here if there is.

Original poster

fishandchops · 31/08/2018 17:38

I'm going to contact the hospital again and explain. Then I think the only course of action is to go to the police with my suspicions.

OP posts:

Knittedfairies · 31/08/2018 18:39

What a horrible situation, but I’m not sure the police can do anything.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/08/2018 20:28

Cancer stages are 1 to 4 OP. There is no stage 5.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 31/08/2018 20:33

There is no way a hospital would tell a random caller that they have no record of a patient.

Original poster

fishandchops · 31/08/2018 20:38

I offered him a lift to an appointment a few weeks ago and he was vague about the times. First it was 10am so I arrived at 9 to pick him up then it was 2pm so I returned at 1pm he dawdled about until 2:10pm knowing we would not get there he then had an argument with his mum about something and stormed off so he never went for that appointment.

OP posts:

AviatorShades · 31/08/2018 20:42

As Alexa has written, cancer is staged 1-4.

chchchnamechanges · 31/08/2018 20:50

One thing I would say is testicular cancer is treated differently in certain areas. So here (Scotland) it’s treated in a regional centre not locally.

Things to ask - what’s his treatment for a start. Stage 4 testicular cancer is very survivable, although obv stage 5 doesn’t exist. I’d ask where it’s spread to, that tells you a lot (it has a fairly predictable spread pattern) and can indicate if he’s making it up. Late stage is extensive spread, if I recall correctly it can involve brain and liver.

what age is he? If he’s youngish it would be germ cell type generally which involves 3-5 day stays in hospital 3-5 times of 3 weekly cycles. So if he’s claiming to be an out patient there’s a fair chance he’s lying.

chchchnamechanges · 31/08/2018 20:57

Sorry, stage 3 - there isn’t a stage 4 with testicular.

JovialNickname · 03/09/2018 15:09

There isn't a stage 5 OP.

chchchnamechanges · 03/09/2018 18:30

Or a stage 4 with testicular. It only goes up to stage 3c.

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