Breastfed baby won’t sleep!!

[Eyebagsandcoffee]

DS is 7 months old. He’s mostly been a great sleeper however the last 3 months or so it’s just got worse and worse.

He’s breastfed and has always needed to feed to sleep, but recently he’s been waking every hour or so from bedtime just to use me as a dummy. We’re co sleeping but I’m still exhausted as he is constant, I’m going back to work next week and so tired, not to mention older dc are missing out.

I need a break, I need dp to help and I need this to stop but he refuses a bottle and a dummy. We’ve tried every day for months, spent £££ on different bottles, times; temps, brands etc.

Tonight I’ve told DH enough is enough, he can settle him to sleep because I just can’t anymore. He’s been upstairs with DS who is hysterically screaming for over an hour trying to give him a bottle and comfort him to go to sleep. He’s trying everything, I’m in tears listening to them through the monitor. Eldest has woken up and is crying now too.

I see no other choice, I would never do cry it out but DH is there with him hugging him so it doesn’t feel like that.

Please has anyone got any tips at how to fix this? I want to stop breastfeeding, I need to start sleeping. I feel like if I go there now I’ve admitted difeat . I know he’s just a baby but this situation is so bad for my mental health

DH had to do what you describe when we switched from mat leave to him being on shared parental leave. It was REALLY hard for 3 nights then suddenly got tons better - he now (at 13 months) sleeps through 4/7 nights which is miraculous compared to the early months.

What I meant to say is that your DH needs to do this - mine put it off for ages till he actually started his leave, constantly claiming work pressure. In hindsight this was just prolonging the agony which he now admits. Just do it.

7 months breastfeeding!!! Well done you. I only managed a month. I have no advice as my baby wanted the bottle and not the boob but I take my hat off to you for surviving this long. You are wonder women!!

When I was breast feeding I used to put used breast pads in the Moses basket under the fitted sheet so baby could smell me. Worth a try?

I'm sure it will get easier, in the meantime I recommend strong coffee.

Sending hugs xx

It's not easy. I've been there. I think your DP is trying to do two different difficult things right now: give a bottle to an upset baby and soothe him to sleep. I would think he'd have more chance of success if you bf for 10 or 15 min so that you are confident that the baby has a tummyful of milk before you hand him back to DP to rock him to sleep.

I really rated the Little Ones method, it’s how I’ve gotten DS sorted with similar problems. It’s silly spending that money but I wish I did it sooner. All I’d say though is really try to crack daytime settling before nighttime! And he might be waking on the hour for a different reason at the moment (illness, teeth!) so I’d give it a break at night and just feed him to sleep - I feed until slow breathing, put in cot still awawe, rythmic bum pat if he fusses.

You also need to start separating feeding from sleeping as much as possible. Ie when the baby wakes from a nap, feed first, then burp, play, feed solids and try to settle for the next snooze without bf. If mine fall asleep on the breast I jiggle them awake so as to put them into bed awake. A dummy is v helpful but obviously only if the baby likes it. Two of mine liked or like dummies, one regards them as a pure annoyance. So failing that, a blanket or something like that can act as a comforter. I use a fleecy square which I tuck between us at bf time and produce at bedtime.

There is a phenomenon known as reverse cycling which is possibly going to occur when you go back to work, where a bf baby decides to feed all night to make up for your daytime absence. I found this with DS1 and am hoping it might not happen with DTwins as night tandem bf is so tough. Hopefully you might escape that but it is a thing.

You've done an amazing job and it's perfectly reasonable to transition to bottles, keep the faith you are doing the right thing.

I know you have tried lots of bottles and I don't want to add to your stress but I really did find the Nuby bottles from Boots very good and they come with with a Baby Acceptance Guarantee - If your baby does not accept the Natural Touch bottles then contact Nûby to either claim your money back or opt to receive a bundle of products to the same value.

Definitely suggest you switch off that monitor and do something distracting - try and go out if you can, good luck you and your OH can do this together and good luck going back to work next week.

I was going to say what @villainousbroodmare said.

Reverse cycling. When they don't nurse enough in the day.

It took 3 nights of doing exactly what you describe for my breastfed babies to accept they weren't getting fed at night, and start to sleep better. Not an easy three nights in any way, but worth it in the long run.

DH used to offer water in case they were thirsty, but otherwise it was just a matter of persistence.

How's weaning going? He might be hungry.

I gave in about 45 mins ago. He’d been screaming since 7 and I couldn’t do it, it was breaking my heart

I tried comforting him and he nuzzled straight in and I let him latch, 30 seconds later he was asleep.

I think I may ask my mum if me and eldest can stay there tomorrow night, maybe if I’m not here and DH can get on with it, it will work? The first night is bound to be the toughest right?

Those of you who’ve successfully done this., how long did your DC cry for?

Are you co sleeping? Makes the frequent wake ups a lot easier.

He's 7 months. All babies (and toddlers, and preschoolers, and sometimes older children) have periods of waking more, breastfed or not. Those periods tend to space out as they get older.

Arbitrarily (from his POV at least) removing his main source of comfort, nutrition, and immune support would not magically improve that. If he stops crying it's because he's given up expecting you to respond (which is not a good thing for his mental health long-term), not because he's happy. Evidently he doesn't need your partner right now, he needs you. And that would be on top of this sudden change of you not being there during the day.

What he is doing, by frequently waking and nursing back to sleep at night, is completely biologically and historically normal.

What you are doing is trying to parent within a capitalist society, which is difficult, but it's your job as the emotionally mature and responsible adult to find some kind of support to meet his needs within that system. Whether it's co-sleeping, taking a longer break from work, changing working hours, getting help with other childcare in the mornings etc. Rather than attempting to fight nature and making the most vulnerable still-developing person in the situation bear the brunt of any changes.

What's your feeding schedule like? Just to make sure he's not actually hungry?

Poor little soul if he’s screamed from 7 till 9.30. He obviously just wanted his mum as he went straight to sleep when you let him latch on. Sometimes they just can’t be comforted by anything else.

I usually feed to sleep the first time and DH settles him back to sleep if he wakes subsequently. But if he gets hysterical and screams for 10-15 mins I feed him again. Because once he gets himself worked up there’s no calming him unless he gets a breast.

I think he is too little to leave to cry. I think for now you need to keep night feeding until he is big enough to not be hungry in the night.
I say this as someone who went back to work FT when ds was 7mo and still waking several times a night... its horrible but worth it eventually.

I found it was easier just to feed back to sleep until they really didnt need milk in the night.. by 10m ds was fully weaned onto solids and eating well (not all going on the floor!) we night weaned/sleep trained at 10.5m and it took a week of gradual retreat/cc and he slept through. I also reduced night feeds rather than just full on stopping.
My ds also refused a dummy and all bottles until day 3 of being left while i was at work. He then decided he would allow an ounce or two of EBM! Only out of a glass Nuk bottle with latex teat though!

I also found going back to work saved my sanity as i had a break from him during the day.

Apologies thats probably not what you wanted to hear but at 7m they are still very little.

IAmChipmunk makes a good point - I think both of mine were around 10 months before I called a halt to night feeds. And DH was able to settle them again when they woke, albeit with some protests.

I’m co sleeping yes. He starts in his own cot then moves in with us from his first waking once we’re in bed. He has milk every 2-3 hours during the day and eats breakfast (porridge) and dinner (purée) everyday. And finger foods at lunch that do end up on the floor mostly! I don’t think he’s hungry most of the time. Purely because he doesn’t drink usually, he just wants my nipple in his mouth.

I’m also worried about when he starts with the childminder - she won’t be able to feed him and it seems more cruel to deny him comfort for the first time with a stranger than his dad but DH is at work all day so it has to be night..

Sorry, you may have already said - will he take a dummy?

If he sucked for 30 secs and fell asleep, he wasn't hungry - your breast is a sleep crutch for him now and he needs it to fall asleep, as he has not learnt to fall asleep on his own.

Please ignore any guilting from others about "removing the breast" and "it's your responsibility to be feeding into the night", "it's only natural" etc etc - you are allowed to consider you own thoughts, feelings and mental health!

You've breast fed for 7 months - you've done incredibly well. You're at the end of your tether, so now is the time for your husband to practice practice practice with the bottle, and for you to carefully consider your current sleeping arrangements and do some gentle sleep training. It doesn't have to be Cry it Out. But you can do something. It is unlikely that a bf Baby will sleep entirely through the night at 7 months, but teaching him to self soothe and fall asleep without the breast are great skills, and don't make you a bad Mum. Good luck

The way we tackled this (admittedly when DD was a little older, at 15-16 months) was to night wean first - so you would feed to settle to sleep as normal, and do a morning feed too if you would normally, but any night time wake ups, DH goes in and settles. A million times easier if you’re nowhere to be seen/smelled/heard. Then, once that’s cracked (and it only took a couple of nights with DD - night one was a bit rubbish, night 2 was better, and night 3 she slept through) - then drop the morning feed, which should be easy as you can distract with breakfast. Finally, the bedtime feed was last to go - DH back on duty here - DS will have already learned how to settle in other ways with your DH overnight, so shouldn’t be nearly as traumatic.

DD can now settle at bedtime with either of us, and is totally weaned. Wasn’t anything like as awful as I imagined doing it this way, and also as you do it over a week or two, less awful for you as less chance of engorgement.

I've been thinking about this. It's similar to my own situation.
I have 3mo bf twins and am returning to work in a month.
For me, the most important thing to sort out was to make sure that the babies could be fed during the day and also settled down for naps. I've been giving or at least offering both babies a bottle nearly every day since birth to try and avoid bottle refusal. However DD will absolutely not take a bottle or a soother (was never keen and now refuses totally). DS will do both.

Over the last month I've stopped feeding them to sleep, instead using a swaddle and soother for DS and rocking in arms for DD. Try rocking. Pretend you don't have boobs! Put the baby up on your shoulder so he's not nuzzling fiercely in the right place and getting terribly upset. Practice for day naps. Night is always harder.

Wrt feeds I have a problem but luckily we live v close to my work and I reckon the nanny will have to bring her in for feeds. I do have a long lunch break and will get home. For your baby the need will not be as great as presumably he will take some solid food. Also it's worth trying cups. There's a thing called a doidy cup which is apparently v well accepted. So I think you must start working on that.

I reckon nights could get worse instead of better for a while but tbh I would say you'll just have to bear it. And know it'll all get better pretty soon. It really will.