How often do you check on your children playing?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Dd is 8 soon and doesn’t often play in the garden by herself, it’s something we’re trying to encourage though as she finds it hard to amuse herself without company. It’s fully enclosed with a high fence and locked gate and she’s very sensible. From where I am I can her playing, bouncing balls, moving chairs, that kind of thing. Her dad and two brothers are also in the house in various rooms. However every time she goes quiet, I leap up to check on her. It’s about every 3/4 minutes.

I am currently getting treatment for GAD and the particular worry of abduction weighs heavily on my mind.

So how often would you check on a very sensible 7/8 year old in a fully enclosed garden?

With mine if they get too quiet it warrants a check as they are usually up to mischief - not always but usually! I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I'm sure there must be some sort of security system that could assist if this is becoming an issue for you.

Abduction in your garden? I probably wouldn't check for that. I'd be more worried about injuries, getting up to mischief etc.

Don't know how often I'd check on an 8 year old. I listen to my 2 year old in the garden rather than watching and only check on him if I can't hear what he is doing OR if I can hear he is doing something he shouldn't be. Back when he still put everything in his mouth I had to watch constantly to make sure he didn't eat something poisonous but now I feel confident as long as I can hear him.

Which country are you in OP? I worked out of the U.K. for years and abduction was more prevalent than it is in the U.K.

I check DS (younger than 8) much more than DH. Probably because I’ve seen what happens more than him. If I don’t hear him I call out or look.

All the time. Nope, not a helicopter just a sensible loving Mother.

You're supposed to check on them???? 😊

Abduction wouldn’t cross my mind if the garden was fully enclosed with high fences.

I would check every 15 mins or so at that sort of age if things went quiet as I’d be worried they’d hurt themselves or something but older than 8/9 I wouldn’t really worry.

Honestly it wouldn't cross my mind to check on them that regularly at home.

Mine are pretty noisy, but when they go quiet I tend to leave them be and enjoy the peace!

Last time they got up to proper mischief was 18 months ago when they grated a candle down the sink . Nothing since.

Eldest is 9 and she has just been allowed to go out to play with friends for half an hour. I do worry about that but she has to walk to school from next term so I'm trying to allow her more independence.

Generally I work on the assumption silence is suspicious. I've got two though and one of them will invariably grass the other one up if they're doing anything they shouldn't be, and if they go and play in their bedroom they tend to wander back down after 10 minutes anyway, or the stomping around is so loud you know they're still both OK up there.

I can’t imagine a situation where she would get in to mischief, she’s not like that and I’m a childminder so the garden in incredibly safe with lots to do. She also has a great voice and very capable of shouting if needed.

It is purely to make sure she is still there. It’s by far my biggest fear in life and I am getting help for it. It’s just good to assess where I am against normal. I don’t think to far off actually.

And I’m in the uk. A tiny town in the south east.

Mine are just turned 2 and nearly 4. I keep the french doors open so I can hear them but probably check every 15 mins or so? There's nothing they can really do to harm themselves though apart from falling off something which is low to the ground anyway. High fences and locked gate.

Theres a big difference between popping out every 15-30 minutes if things have gotten a bit quiet, and leaping up every 3-4 minutes because you haven't heard your child make a noise in the last ten seconds. To me this sounds excessive and extremely compulsive. I would expect a child of that age to be fine in a locked garden with secure fencing for an hour without needing to check them, although I would probably stick my head out to check every 30 minutes or so. If youre sitting there listening to her play to the point you notice her going quiet every 3-4 minutes it sounds like something you need to be addressing before you begin to worry your child.

Ours is an open garden. I check if I can't hear noise. If I hear too much noise. If I haven't checked for 15 minutes.
DH just came home and said "do you know what your children are doing?" They were riding scooters down a grassy slope. I got there in time to watch DD go flying over the handlebars Clearly every 15 minutes is not optimum.

I think you should not set yourself a time frame of when to check on her to be honest. Keep an ear out and if ever you think “I’ve not heard her for a little while” go ad have a look but if you are too strict (eg every 10 mins I must check on her) then it may become a bit obsessive.

Rightly or wrongly when my 2 year old is in the harden I will happily be in the kitchen cooking etc and check maybe every 10 mins or so, but that is because I’ve caught him digging, ripping up plants and terrorising the chickens. Not because I’m worried about him. If it puts your mind at rest why not get a lock for your gate so you know that no one else can enter the garden. Then what is there to worry about? If she hurts herself you will soon hear it.

Well done you for recognising that you may be a bit OTT currently. I have also suffered with anxiety and I think it’s very positive you have recognised a potentially tricky area for yourself and are trying to change that. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising at all.

mrsruby like I said, I am getting help for this anxiety. It’s a new diagnoses and I’m working with my GP and currently waiting for CBT. I’m also ready some self help guides, starting mindfulness and sleeping tablets. I don’t know what else I can do at the moment, do you have any suggestions?

Thank you all for the responses. I try very hard not to let it affect my dc (dd is the youngest) and am constantly questioning my responses and reactions to help gauge what is ‘normal’.