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Original poster

Over-protective mum problems again

36 replies

Knitjob · 29/08/2018 12:19

I posted about this problem before.
Group of 5 10/11 yr olds, 4 of them allowed a reasonable amount of freedom, one not. The mum of the one turns up to the park or whatever to supervise rather than keep her ds at home even when the other parents are happy for the kids to be out unsupervised.

4 kids are allowed to walk to school unsupervised, hers is not. Takes less than 10 minutes, 1 road to cross with green man. As often as not they all end up walking together because they are going at the same time in the same direction. I have never asked her to take any responsibility for my ds on the walk to school.

Yesterday ds fell against a wall and scraped his arm. He jumped out of the way of a kid on a scooter and scraped his arm on the wall. Just a graze, nothing major. But the mum took charge, took him to school, went to the office, got a wipe and cleaned him up. That was kind of her, I appreciate it. But she didn't need to. He could have got himself to the office. I asked him later what he would have done if she hadn't been there and he said he would have gone to the toilet and run it under the tap. Fair enough. I texted last night and thanked her for looking after him.

This morning she sent me a text saying she no longer wants to take any responsibility for any other kids. It is my responsibility to accompany him to school and if I am not willing to do that can I please ask him not to join her and her son on the walk to school.

Seriously? We only have one route to school and they all have to get there at the same time. What do I say? Polite suggestions please. The only answer I can think of right now is not polite.

I want to just reply "ok, I'll tell ds not to talk to your ds in the morning again". I don't know what else to say. Except to just ignore her....

OP posts:
Original poster
Knitjob · 29/08/2018 12:21

I realise I shouldnt have called her over-protective in the title, that's not fair. That's just my interpretation of her. She probably thinks I am neglectful.

OP posts:
OakElmAsh · 29/08/2018 12:24

Can you phrase it as a question ? ie "I won't be going with DS, as he is able to handle the walk on his own. How do you want to play it ? Do you want me to tell him not to walk with [your DS] ?"

kitkatsky · 29/08/2018 12:25

I remember her from your posts before. I think I'd just reply to say "Thanks again for looking after him today. I'm sorry you felt you needed to take responsibility for him. I understand we have different parenting approaches, but I have decided DS is old enough to walk to school alone and I won't be accompanying him. Due to timings I understand he often meets you and your DS en route. If you prefer, do feel free to cross the road and leave him to walk alone or with the rest of the gang, but I hope you'll understand that I won't ask him to ignore your DS out of respect for their friendship, but yes essentially please don't feel you're responsible for him during this short walk. Have a great day!"

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Trampire · 29/08/2018 12:31

I remember your first thread.

I think what Kitkatsy said is the way to approach it. Just say it as it is. It's completely clear what your thinking is.

I'd be finding her very infuriating fur fest it's worth.

Trampire · 29/08/2018 12:32

Sorry I meant kitkatsky

Piffpaffpoff · 29/08/2018 12:48

I would be a bit more blunt. “Thank you for helping DS out. However, just to be clear, I’ve neither asked nor expected you to ‘take responsibility’ for him as he walks to school. As a family, we have discussed and agreed he is responsible enough to make the journey independently. I’ll explain to him that he’s not to speak to your DS enroute to school and I expect you to explain to your DS that this is at your request, so there is no misunderstanding as to why he is no longer joining you if they meet up on the way.“

PotteryLady · 29/08/2018 13:21

What Piffpaffpoff said.

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/08/2018 13:29

Yep what Piffpaffpoff says is perfect, just change the "join you" to "join your son" at the end so she knows he was never actually with her but her son. That's polite, I can't see how you can be any politer without tell her she is right and she is not

aperolspritzplease · 29/08/2018 13:32

Piffpaff has it.

Original poster
Knitjob · 29/08/2018 13:36

It’s totally shit. So the other lads are to walk 10 paces behind? Or be late for school so their paths don’t cross? Just ridiculous. I’m angry now.

I replied.

Thanks again for helping ds yesterday. To be clear, you are not responsible for him in any way. He will continue to walk to and from school unsupervised along his usual route at his usual time. I will tell him he should not speak to or walk with you or your ds in future if he meets you on the way.

Too blunt? I don’t care.

OP posts:
Piffpaffpoff · 29/08/2018 13:40

Perfect. I’d be raging too.

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/08/2018 13:41

Nope not too blunt, it needed to be said

Trampire · 29/08/2018 13:43

No that's good and clear. I'm be really pissed off. It's like she's having an underhand 'dig' at you saying that you're being an irresponsible parent and leaving it to her by default.

Please tell me she's not going to take him to school when they go to Secondary?

My ds had a friend (well they ended not being friends) because one of his friends Mum used to walk him all the way to the school in Y6 when they lived at the end of the street. All the others walked on their own or in little groups. This boys Mum also made a complaint to the school because she wasn't allowed the personal mobile number of teacher when they went on a week long camp.
The boy has struggled to say the least.
They're starting secondary next weekConfused

Clutterbugsmum · 29/08/2018 13:45

Not to blunt.

I would have suggest she take her child either earlier or later then X time when your ds and his friends are walking to school so they do not meet.

I would also let the parents of the other 3 children what happening, as it sounds like she trying to remove your child from the group.

HolyMountain · 29/08/2018 13:48

I think your reply was clear and to the point.

She has nothing to come back to you with that.

Original poster
Knitjob · 29/08/2018 13:50

Please tell me she's not going to take him to school when they go to Secondary

We have had conversations about this before, we used to be friends and all the mums got together for coffee now and again. She ‘joked’ that she might get a dog so she has an excuse to walk with him to secondary school.

Now I just have to think of a nice, non-judgemental way to tell ds he can’t talk to his friend in the morning any more. Because that won’t be awkward for him at all. Or maybe I just won’t bother, the whole thing is too ridiculous.

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 29/08/2018 13:51

Am quite surprised your ds isn't sporting a Mr Bump plaster tbh!!

InDubiousBattle · 29/08/2018 13:55

Don't bother. You weren't too blunt at all. I might have gone with 'you don't have responsibility for any other kids now'!

FilledSoda · 29/08/2018 14:11

OMG she would drive you up the wall.
I have to say you're much more polite than me . I wouldn't have wanted her bringing my 10 yr old to the office and making a whole fuss .
I might have said , for goodness sake he's ten , leave him to it .
Your well mannered gratitude was playing right into her hands , now she's a responsible adult and you're neglectful.
She will have been waiting for this opportunity since the football at the park incident.
I know it won't come naturally but you need to be be a bit aggressive , you need to get angry , it's the only thing that will get through to her.
This whole debacle is of her own making.
Her poor kid Sad

MrsMozart · 29/08/2018 14:14

Nowt so odd as folks lass.

Hopefully she'll bob off.

Trampire · 29/08/2018 14:18

I guess she wants to fall out with the group if Mum-friends then?

What do the others think? Is she just targeting you?

Returnofthesmileybar · 29/08/2018 14:21

I would just say something like this to your ds "I spoke to X's mother, she said she doesn't want responsibility for you on the school walk anymore, I explained that she never did have responsibility for and that we trust you and are happy for you to walk alone but from now on I think it's best to just say hello and walk ahead. Also if anything like yesterday happens again it's ok to say "no thanks mrs.x I am fine and I can manage" if that is how he feels"

Piffpaffpoff · 29/08/2018 15:11

This might actually be the start of solving it. I’d be extremely honest with your child and say ‘look, this is what has happened, you’ve done nothing wrong but crazy mum doesn’t want to feel like she’s responsible for you so for now you have to not walk to or from school with them.” If all of the independent boys do this, then dependent boy will hopefully question his mum about why no-one walks with him and the only person here that’s going to get him to change her mind is him.

You’re not doing anything other than what she’s asked, so there can be no accusation of bullying. Best case scenario, her son kicks off and convinces her to step back. Worst case scenario, she forbids her son from playing with yours and they get left to exist in peace.

CurcubitaPepo · 29/08/2018 16:06

What piffpaffpoff said.

Needs to be a bit blunt.

I have a friend like this. She’s barking. But her daughters 13.

GiraffeObsessedBaby · 29/08/2018 16:24

I've read your other post OP about this woman she sounds like she honestly needs a wake up call. Granted my son is only little still and ive not had to deal with this yet. But I can't imagine letting it impacting on her sons friendships to such an extent she's going to cost him his friends and leave him isolated.

Seriously verging in selfishness. There's a difference between monitoring safely from a distance and allowing independence if she's cautious due to some unknown reason and actively managing your child's friends.