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Original poster

Free bars at wedding or not?

50 replies

PeridotCricket · 29/08/2018 11:54

DH is paying half's of his son's wedding together with the bride's parents.

About 60 people in all so small but not very small wedding.

There'll be a 1/2 a bottle of wine per person with the meal and fizz of some kind for a welcome drink.

Then it's a pay bar - that seems fair to me....but what do people think?

OP posts:

mydogisthebest · 29/08/2018 12:29

Yoksha, that's awful. At most of the weddings I have been to people don't seem to have drunk that much. None of my family are drinkers and would probably only have a couple of drinks during an evening reception

cookiesaurus · 29/08/2018 12:38

We thought about having a free bar but all the weddings we have attended with a free bar resulted in people getting horrendously drunk! It was absolute carnage!

We opted to pay a bit more for food and have a good quality wine on the tables. We then gave each guest two drinks tokens which they could spend on a glass of something at the bar.

I got drinks tokens off Etsy and the venue popped 2 of these in each persons glass at their place.

It seemed to go down well and people didn't actually go crazy. We got change from our bar tab too!

Bestseller · 29/08/2018 12:40

I think it depends what your guests are used to. People who come from circles where a free bar is the norm will be indignant surprised by a pay bar but people who are used to a pay bar often seem to find it necessary to "make the most" of a free bar, even though they know their friends are paying.

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Weddings

FromNowOn · 29/08/2018 12:41

I’ve only ever been to one wedding with a free bar so I wouldn’t worry about not having one.

Merrz · 29/08/2018 12:41

I think what you have described is totally normal and acceptable. I think a free bar is totally optional but definitely not expected.
At my wedding we did put on a free bar at the beginning of the evening reception just to allow everyone (including evening guests) to get a couple of drinks. I did this by putting a set amount of money behind the bar then the bar manager came and told us when it had almost run out so we could decide whether we wanted to put more on.

happymummy12345 · 29/08/2018 12:42

We put money behind the bar at our wedding. And provided champagne for everyone for the toasts

Redgreencoverplant · 29/08/2018 12:51

We had a free bar for the house wine (red and white), beer and any soft drink. Spirits etc had to be paid for. We also did a welcome drink and fizz for the toasts. Our main priority was good and drink so we happily sacrificed flowers (we married at Christmas so the venue was already beautifully decorated), favours, transport (ceremony and reception venues were across the road from each other), bridesmaids etc in order to ensure that guests didn't have to pay from food or drink. However we didn't have an evening do, everything was wrapped up by 5.

Mushroomsarehorrible · 29/08/2018 12:56

We paid for all the alcohol at our recent wedding. We had 60 guests, all adults and pretty much all drinkers.

The gesture was SO appreciated by everyone.

The total bill was £3k. We provided champagne, beer and cocktails for the reception (along with canapes) so people were happy during photos, decent wine during the wedding breakfast and champagne for the toasts and then a free bar at the evening party.

We wanted our guests to enjoy the day as much as us and from all the comments we have received and looking at the photos, everybody had a wonderful day. People were 'merry' but no one got silly drunk.

Heatherjayne1972 · 29/08/2018 12:59

Depends on your guests the venue and your budget

A bar where you buy your own drinks is better I think
Otherwise people take the mickey (my experience)

ImogenTubbs · 29/08/2018 13:10

We provided wine and beer free up to a certain budget and they told us when that looked like running out. If people wanted spirits or anything that was extra.

mintich · 29/08/2018 13:12

We are doing free wine, beer, soft drinks and selected spirits probably vodka and gin. No shots or doubles and if you want a different drink then you pay

MrsAmaretto · 29/08/2018 13:13

It sounds perfectly normal. I always expect to pay for my own drinks after the meal

3WildOnes · 29/08/2018 13:22

In my friendship circle and family it is the norm to have a free bar. I have been to one wedding in my life that had a pay bar, the wedding was held in a hotel so I presume this is why. All the other weddings I’ve been to have been held in marquees, barns or village halls where there has been no corkage so bride and groom have just bought a shed load of alcohol to serve. This was how we did our wedding. As I said I’ve only been to one wedding in a hotel and this was the one with a cash bar. If the wedding was in a hotel or package type venue I would expect to pay for drinks but otherwise not. Rather than paying for half the wedding why not give a set amount and then alow the couple to choose how they wish to use the money.

MollyMallyMindy · 29/08/2018 14:15

FIL put a grand behind the bar and got change - it was so hot many people were on soft drinks and water, and some people insisted on paying for their own spirits etc. Most weddings I've been to have had money behind the bar so the light drinkers think it was a free bar and only heavy drinkers find it isn't. Some have done drinks tokens for guests which can be a single shot, one bottle beer or a glass of wine, and then more tokens given to people who aren't shitfaced!

serbska · 29/08/2018 14:15

Pay bars are so.... English.

Most weddings I have been to have had a free bar - usually shots and doubles are excluded and a limited selection of wine.

However most people I know have not got married in stupid expensive wedding hotels where the cost of doing that is crazy.

TroubledLichen · 29/08/2018 14:19

Pay bars are so.... English
^This

Think they’re awful sorry. You wouldn’t ask people to get out their wallets if you invited them over for dinner, weddings shouldn’t be any different. There’s no need to offer top shelf liquor or champagne all night though, beer/house wine/soft drinks is a good way to limit the bar bill if you’re on a budget.

justcontemplatingsomething · 29/08/2018 14:24

I thought pay bars were the norm, I've been to one or two with free bars and it was very nice but I certainly wouldn't think badly of anyone with a pay bar. It could work out incredibly expensive. We did put on a selection of free drinks in the afternoon (a selection of beers, wines, prosecco) and people could take as much as they wanted but that was limited to the hour or two before the meal so most people only had a couple of drinks.

Lookatmemeow · 29/08/2018 14:30

All the good weddings I've been to have a free bar - a pay bar always feels disappointing. I'm no big drinker but somehow the generosity of a free bar, even restricted choice, seems right.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 29/08/2018 14:32

Pay bars are quite normal in the UK but pretty dreadful in most other cultures.

If you're getting married in the UK and your guests are British then most people will not find it weird or rude.

But if you can afford it and you you're not inviting people who you think will take the piss and abuse it, I would put on a free bar, or at least whack a generous amount on the bar tab. You can limit the damage by saying no spirits (or no doubles), no bottles etc.

Belmo · 29/08/2018 14:39

We put £250 behind the bar. It lasted a couple of hours and went down very well.

HeyMicky · 29/08/2018 14:42

We had a paid bar but we had three mixed drinks - gin and Tonic, rum and coke, and vodka cranberry - available free, which we gave silly names to. Bottom shelf booze plus mixers. Anything else people had to pay for

Macarena1990 · 29/08/2018 14:45

Nearly all the weddings I have been to have had a free bar. If I were planning a wedding this would not be negotiable for me - people spend fortunes attending weddings that I think it's the least you can do!

nutellanom · 29/08/2018 16:15

Free bars are a bonus but never an expectation.

Original poster

PeridotCricket · 29/08/2018 20:11

Mixed views. I’ve been to weddings with both, or free up to a point. There are some people coming who would probably take the piss...big drinkers who would be ordering a lot...

I think we’ll end up putting some money behind the bar.

OP posts:

PlatypusPie · 29/08/2018 20:42

I went to a wedding last year that had a pay bar, which was a first for me - It was fine within context as I know the young couple were on a budget, with the reception ( inc wine) paid for by a kind grandmother !

My DD is getting married soon at a non-hotel venue ie there is no permanent bar. There is no corkage and most people buy in wine from suppliers on a sale or return - though some use the wine available through the various preferred caterers. The caterers do provide an option for putting up their own full service cash bar or providing staff to do a non profit cash bar from hirers own supply iyswim.

In the end, we have gone with supplying all drink from fizz, table wine, soft drink alternatives and then continuing the wine, soft drink and adding beer for the evening without any charge to the guests, with bar staff to pour and maintain glass supply. We have probably overbought ( it was a l a r g e bill but there isn’t a handy cellar to nip down into to boost supplies or even an off licence in case of under estimation ) but there should be some to go back for refund 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 There aren’t any evening only guests - the arrival of whom tends to up the consumption for daytime guests, according to the caterer !

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