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Anxiety flaring

7 replies

Wheresthel1ght · 28/08/2018 23:56

I posted recently in aibu about my md being aggressive combative and the fact that he rules through fear and intimidation.

After a particularly horrific meeting I walked out as I refused deal with him whilst he was being insulting and confrontation. I suffer with GAD and this whole matter has sent me spiralling. I was dealing with it all really well until I had a few days annual leave and it hit me just how on edge I had been and how awful I felt. I resigned as I felt I had no other choice. However after a particularly horrendous panic attack my gp has signed me off.

Even though md now thinks I am a complete doormat and has made it clear he hates me especially now I am signed off, I am going in to the office tomorrow to tidy up a few loose ends, hand over to another manager and do some speedy training to one of the girls who works for me so that she can cover some of the work I was doing.

I am bricking it.

The md is off on his holidays so won't be there but I am still really anxious about going in. I have had 3 panic attacks already today (not helped by dp crashing my car whilst we were on the motorway.) and now I can't sleep.

Am posting more so I am not alone...

OP posts:
Foslady · 29/08/2018 00:07

Do you definitely have to go in?

You may well find that you have more people on your side than you realise, and who will be supportive.

Deep breaths, chunk the day, and if you need to leave early, do so, your MH is more important

Wheresthel1ght · 29/08/2018 00:15

Foslady - thanks. Ultimately no I don't need to go in, but as a manager I do feel obliged to. The poor girl who works for me had only been there 5 weeks when all this kicked off so has been left in the lurch.

My work friends have been fab. A few knew what was going on and we're trying to help me battle on. Even one of the other directors was crying and hugging me when I had my panic attack. She was amazing and has called me a few times to check I am OK.

The sensible part of me knows once I am there it will be fine. Doesn't stop my tummy churning, my heart racing and the endless panic!

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 29/08/2018 08:52

Good luck and be kind to yourself. Anxiety is horrible. Flowers

Wheresthel1ght · 29/08/2018 12:20

Thanks tea.

Went in, was very emotional but am glad I did it. Everyone begging me not to go and asking if anything they can do to make me stay etc. Which was nice as it reminded me all the crap he has been saying was lies about being hated in the office, but gut wrenching as I love the people I work with and will miss them. We have a great team and when the md isn't about everything runs smoothly and the whole atmosphere in the office is different. He is absolute poison.

I am confident I have made the right choice on leaving but change is always scary

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 29/08/2018 12:41

Well done for doing it and it's very positive that you got to hear the good stuff from colleagues. I feel sure you have made the right decision. I have worked for a sociopath and leaving was the very best thing I could have done. Now take care of yourself. More Flowers

Wheresthel1ght · 29/08/2018 12:47

Thanks again tea. Leaving is the only option, irrespective of how much I love my job and the people working for a bullying narcassist is simply not feasible.

I have a few interviews lined up for jobs I had been applying for before all this kicked off so am focusing on those at the moment.

OP posts:
Foslady · 29/08/2018 13:47

Thank you for the update - been thinking about you. Glad that you had the support you did - here’s to the next job, and nicer bosses!

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