Does this sound normal for an almost 6 year old, please?

[LoudestRoar]

DS seems to be struggling with anxiety in certain situations.

A few examples include
-agreeing to go to a birthday party, but when we get there, he cries and refuses to take part.

• had to give up Karate lessons, as it would take half the lesson to convince ds to go in each week.

-Won't go upstairs and play by himself -Cries and worries about days out (but will enjoy it once we get there)

I suffer from anxiety myself, and hate to think he's internally worrying about every thibng, as I know what it feels like. However, I'm also torn between letting him not do certain things, and trying to convince him to take part, knowing that he'll love it. The parties for example, 1( I know he'll enjoy it if given a chance, and 2) if he said yes to the invite, I feel he should make the effort, as someone is paying for him to be there.
Any advice please?

I don't have dc but clearly recall being like that for a long period of time at that age. There were things going on at home though (new sibling and an ongoing acrimonious and traumatic marriage break up) and I was very anxious,frightened and upset all the time. I remember begging to do activities/Go places and be in floods of tears when I got there and have to be taken home.

Thank you for sharing Bluesheep8
Is there anything that you can suggest looking back, that may have helped you at all?

Wow that's an interesting question and it's never occurred to me before. I actually think that some kind of specialist help may have done a lot of good although I'm saying that at 44 not 6. At 6 I may well have got even more upset that there Was something "wrong" with me and something else to be frightened about iyswim. Looking back, I think probably the best way to deal with me was just to ignore it,or more accurately just accept it as just being something I did rather than focus on it and make me worry more iyswim. If it helps, there is a positive to come out of it, I think of it as developing self awareness really early and I think that has made me very aware of others and I'm told I'm a very empathetic person. Hope that makes sense!

Bumping

Thanks again for your input blue it's been really helpful.

I'm going to avoid certain situations that I know will stress him out, and encourage and praise when he tries.

We've actually just had a party invite. He's turned it down, which I'm pleased with, as if rather he say no at the outset rather than on the day.

I have a nearly 6 yr old DD. She is very outgoing but can be shy at times. The only thing I can realate to on your list is not wanting to be on her own upstairs. She really doesn’t like it & would much rather have some company. I would say anxiety is at play with your child OP but not something to necessarily worry about. Having said that, its hard not to worry about your child when you see them struggle !! I would just encourage your DS to try everything and not pay too much attention to the crying part. I’m sure he will grow out of it in time.

No problem loudestroar hope it helped. It's interesting what you say about declining invitations at the outset rather than on the day - I am renowned for saying yes to everything and then changing my mind at the last minute but try really hard nowadays not to do this! I do recognise that I'm a people pleased and that this behaviour pattern started in childhood (for specific reasons) at just 6, I believed it was my responsibility to make sure everyone was ok and I still have that trait. What happens is that you suddenly realise that the more ok you make everyone else, the less ok you are by trying. I think it's the realisation that leads to the upset and panic...

I'm a people pleaser too!
Just one last update, that I forgot, and could do with advice.

DS also won't fall asleep without someone lying with him. I think it's all to do with being anxious about being upstairs. I've been lying with him till he falls asleep, and sometimes I'm able to go Do jobs,as long as they are upstairs.

@LoudestRoar and other mums who children are like this how are they now ? Currently going through this with my four year old boy it’s so hard xx

Hi @S22 it is really hard. You do need to learn to trust whatever way you choose to handle it and not blame yourself for his struggles.

This post just came up in my I'm On posts although I last posted 7 years ago! I remember feeling like - sometimes still feel like - I was / am failing my daughter. On reflection I wouldn't change anything - meeting them where they are, growing resilience in small slow ways by building trust and keeping promises and celebrating the small wins have helped us. Our daughter is still very sensitive - turns out she is autistic - but she is growing up and learning to manage. At 7 or 8 I was sure her world would be tiny and glued to my side forever. I don't feel that way anymore 😘She is now 13 and doing ok at secondary school and can get buses, go to the cinema, walk to the shops and things on her own!

@SweetheartNeckline thank you. What made you think she is autistic ? What traits made you think this ? I had this thought but nursery say no as he is verbal plays well can name colours shapes etc an write his name can follow instructions

Firstly - you can absolutely be shy / introvert / homebody / immature / clingy / hate school (whatever is at the root of your DS issues) without being autistic.

For us it fell into place with rigid thinking, persistent demand for autonomy / control, alexithymia (inability to name her emotions or recognise the way they made her body feel), communication issues like pulling the wrong facial expression, "rehearsing" conversations in advance and taking things literally, gut issues needing omeprazole, sensory issues around clothing, perfectionism and fairly severe (separation) anxiety.