Is this a good arrangement for everyone?

[Sparklingwinemakesmehappy]

My wonderful husband was married before.

When he left his previous relationship he gave his (then) wife 100% equity in the home, some £300,000.

He also gave/ gives her £1100 a month to help out as his DD still lives mainly with her mum. She is late teenage years.

He is kind and generous, buys everything she needs when with us and pays for school trips, meals out, clothes, normal family life etc.

When he left his plan was to pay for about 10 years to cushion the impact of him leaving. His exW doesn't know this, she just gets an amount each month and hasn't questioned it. It will stop once the 10 years pass.

I have no issues with this at all, the giving or the amount given. it's him caring for his child.

The monthly outgoing to his ex wife Is not noticeably affecting us, he gives out approx 1/3 of his total monthly income, leaving us with enough. We are in the NE of England so living expenses are reasonable.

It's just I have nothing to compare this with.

I think what I would like to know is, is this normal? Is this reasonable? Is it not enough? Is it too much? How much warning should he give her that this is ending?

This monthly amount is voluntary on his part, not court ordered. Child maintenance is paid separately.

His ex wife works casually/ part time to top up her income from my DH.
This generous monthly income for her is very much off his own back, and commendable too.

What are your thoughts on this?

I have no idea whether the amount is reasonable, but if he's planning to cut it off in 10 years time, surely he needs to warn her so that she can train for a job which will pay her enough to support herself.
If she sacrificed her earning potential in order to look after his child, then it's quite possible that a court might not agree with him deciding to stop maintenance payments to her.
I'd suggest he takes proper legal advice.

I agree with Delphi, he should definitely give her ample warning that these payments will stop. It's really not fair otherwise. The more notice the better if she does need to get training, further qualifications etc. That could take a few years alone. Sounds like she's in blissful ignorance at the moment thinking it will continue forever!

I agree with you both, I've said she needs notice to get her training up to date and use this paid time wisely.

I don't think a court would get involved as it's purely voluntary payments.
He legally didn't have to give her a penny other than child maintenance as she kept the family home (fully paid for). This was the legal settlement when it went to court.

He pays over and above this because he's a good dad.

How old is dsd ? If I was ex wife I’d assume payments stop when Dsd reaches 18 as she’s old enough then to have left Home or got a job and contribute financially to the home herself?

At 18 she may well go off to Uni and need the financial support even more! These days a child's costs don't stop at 18. Anyway, it sounds like he has been doing his part financially. He just needs to be clear with her about the future.

She's about to start A levels, and planning on going to university.

When she leaves school he need only support his daughter, not her mum.

When is the 10 years up?

10 years ends in approx 3 years time.

In that case I'd say he needs to tell her right now. 3 years isn't that long.

Yes I agreed the exw needs to know when the money will be coming to an end. As per previous posters the support for a child goes beyond 18 - the daughter will need a home to come back to in university holidays etc

He needs to let her know his intentions re the financial support

What's your real opinion of this Op

He had and child and left said child. He needs to provide for her (proportionately to his wage) until she can provide for herself. Cutting her off in year ten is quite unreasonable.

I think when she goes to university it’s owrfectly reasonable to cut ex wife off then. Dsd can get student loan and dh can make a separate arrangement with her if he wishes to still support her directly. But no need to keep paying by for ex wife surely?

Well no one said he was going to cut his daughter off did they

What he might do is stop giving his ex the equivalent of a decent wage for doing bugger all, on top of child maintenance and the entirety of the properly they jointly owned. Let’s not pretend she’s been remotely hard done by.

He's pays child maintenance separately. Always has, never missed a payment.

He's housed his exW by giving her a completely paid off house worth 300k. Leaving him at the time with debt and not a penny in the bank.

These extra payments are just that, extra. They were to help his exW with the adjustment of him leaving.

They were never intended to be a permanent arrangement.

I thoroughly agree she needs to know it's going to end in the coming years. But I disagree that this voluntary payment should be ongoing indefinitely.

Had a spousal maintenance payment been agreed in the divorce settlement he would have had a claim on a percentage of the equity in his house at a later date.

In reality he would have been much better off financially had he taken this option but his ExW wanted 100% of the equity in the house (by way of giving up a claim to spousal maintenance).

Agree with Anne

I think it would be reasonable to inform his XW that payments to her will stop when DD's A-levels are complete, but will continue at a reasonable level direct to DD for the entirety of her potential university education. So 5 more years, but with the last 3 at a lesser rate and direct to DD.

Anne has it bang on.