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Original poster

Need a hand hold, grip and maybe a head wobble. DS school next week

25 replies

cjt110 · 28/08/2018 10:51

I have huge anxiety issues, as well as depression, which I thought were largely OK at the moment.

Yesterday I got DS to try his uniform on as I suspected his trousers need turning up. They do.

I got a gut wrenching feeling about him starting school next week.

I know deep down he will be fine. He's been at private day nursery since he was months old and loves it.

He's been totally out of character this weekend behaviour wise and has been hard work.

I just feel nervous for him. And sick. And worried.

I don;t know what I expect from this post. I just need some reassurance I suppose.

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AjasLipstick · 28/08/2018 11:17

It will be wonderful. School is the start of so many magical memories for you and him.

Some of my best memories of Christmas are from my primary school days....same with Halloween and Easter.

The joys of making things and walking to school in Autumn....with my Mum holding my hand. Magical!

It's challenging for sure....but remember that you're not him...your experiences won't be his. Did you have a bad time at school?

Ariclock · 28/08/2018 11:22

If you are worried that he might not be ready you do have a couple of options. He doesn't have to legally begin school until he's 5 years old so you can either keep him at home until then or have him at school part time. If he's a summer born you also have the opportunity to defer him for a year.

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 11:29

AjasLipstick Not really... I had the usual bullying - but most kids do right?

I suppose it's my own fears - he's been at his nursery so long and they know him so well. This is a whole new set of people who need to get to know him, aswell as his cohort.

He is summer born Ariclock but I don't want to defer him. He is really ready to move to the next stage. Both his nursery team and us as parents think this. I have wondered if his behaviour of late is due to boredom, having outgrown his current set up.

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TittyGolightly · 28/08/2018 11:31

He doesn't have to legally begin school until he's 5 years old

He doesn’t legally have to begin school ever. Just saying.

5down12go · 28/08/2018 11:32

My eldest started reception this time last year and I remember feeling the same. My worries were around will anyone play with him, will he eat, will he find his way around ok..... the list went on and I had to remind myself that he wasn’t the first to start reception, the teachers and staff will do this every year and will have seen it all before and know how to develop the children so they can cope with it all.

Mine was the same and had been in nursery since 9months, I struggled at first with not getting a “handover” of his day as when I asked him all I got was “nothing” as the response to every possible question I asked!!
Now I’m counting the days down for him to start year 1, hence the current username.Wink

The first year of school is magical, just keep thinking of all the things you have to look forward to, and treasure it!!

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 11:33

He doesn’t legally have to begin school ever. Just saying. I suppose I never really understood the "It flies by" adage. And it really struck me how handsome he looked, how grown up and also some sadness that it is that time of his life already.

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Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 11:35

5down12go that's nice to see how you've transformed from a bit of a wobbler like me to someone who is confident.

I've already mentally banked time off for his christmas play and can't wait :)

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guiltynetter · 28/08/2018 11:38

My DD turned 4 just 3 weeks ago, and starts next week and i feel exactly the same as you! I don’t suffer with anxiety etc but i am very very pregnant and hormonal. i can’t think about it too much or it makes me cry. i think accepting the fact that they’re going to be in a class of 30 new children and you won’t be there all day to make sure they’re okay is very scary and overwhelming. i have to keep having a word with myself to say children do this every single year. the reception teachers will be used to it and she'll be okay. and so will your DS!

MISHGS · 28/08/2018 11:39

I remember that feeling & my DS is about to start in Year 6! I'm sure he'll be fine & even if he's a bit upset at first he'll be distracted by all the new toys & activities after a few minutes. As he's already been to a private Nursery he'll be great at routines etc

Does he know anybody else who'll be in his class? Even if he doesn't, the newbies (those who haven't been to the school Nursery) tend to become friends.

If he's a bit anxious try walking/driving past the school a couple of times before he starts. Maybe read a couple of books about starting school?

Good luck (to you both)!

GreenTulips · 28/08/2018 11:40

The teachers will look after them
They help them make friends and show them the ropes as far as lunch time, going to the toilet, playtimes etc

They really do just chug along and have fun playing whilst learning.

Did you have a home visit at all?

OurMiracle1106 · 28/08/2018 11:40

It’s a big change for you and him. He’s probably nervous too hence his behaviour. It’s also that moment of “my baby is growing up” which feels you with pride (and tears)

Be kind to yourself and enjoy these last few days.

Flowers and have a hand 🤚 to hold.

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 11:51

guiltynetter Our children must have similar DOBs... DS is 11/08.

GreenTulips Yes, Next Weds morning. Then he goes in for the afternoon on Friday then fulltime from Monday.

I actually snuggled up with him in his bed last night, told him I was sorry for being cross this weekend and that I loved him very much. He asked me to stay with him so I did til he fell asleep.

He seems to have a thing at the moment about being on his own which hasn't been an issue before.

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TittyGolightly · 28/08/2018 12:01

DD was 3 and 10 months when she started full time school, and she was so diddy her uniform had to be taken in. She was going to a school that teaches in a language she didn’t speak much at home. It was tough going emotionally.

Time really does fly. She’s now nearly 8 and adores school, is pretty fluent in the language and always gets lovely comments at parents evenings.

guiltynetter · 28/08/2018 12:06

i wish my DD was being eased in like your DS, she’s had one 1 hour settling in session in july then from tuesday she’s in full days!

i’ve spent so much time crying/worrying about it today ive decided to make today her last day at nursery so i can make the most of spending time with her for the rest of the week. this will probably backfire as i’m massive and tired and she’s hard work 🙈

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 12:06

DS doesn't really like change and I've thought, and said in the past, about him being on the ASD scale. DH dismissed it but I wouldn't be surprised if it's picked up in school.

I suppose the change is what I'm scared of too.

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Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 12:08

He will go to nursery until Thursday next week. Then that's it.

And I think I will be upset when he leaves. They have known him since he was 2 weeks old. They know him. His quirks. His habits. His behaviour.

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QueenOfMyWorld · 28/08/2018 12:11

My ds starts school next week too.Im trying to comfort myself knowing he's met the kids in his class already as he had an induction half day and also I know he likes his teacher.
I'll still be worrying all day though! Kids are very resilient,try not to worry x

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 12:58

ARGH lol Glad I;m not alone

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ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 28/08/2018 13:14

Hi OP. My daughter was 4 at the start of July and is starting school next week too. I am a bit nervous for her, but as a teacher (albeit secondary) I know that the staff will be like a well oiled machine and that they’ll do everything to make it great for her. She’s ready for the next stage and it’s going to be fine.... your DS will be too. Sending you an unMumsnetty hug and saying by half term you’ll have forgotten what you were ever worried about.

Lovemysofa · 28/08/2018 13:16

As a reception teacher I can say that he will be fine. There is very little we've not seen before and it is an amazing year for them and staff (and hopefully parents too!)-watching them grow, develop, change is so special and it is an absolute privilege to be part of that.
As a parent, I get it! For me, not the starting of school so much, but I found them leaving nursery heartbreaking.

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 13:27

Yes, I think you have it to a tee there Lovemysofa It's the leaving behind of his fabulous nursery that has got my guts.

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APermanentlyExhaustedPigeon · 28/08/2018 13:47

I too am so not ready for my DD to start school this Sept. She’s just turned 4, been in a small childminders with about 8 other children so not sure how she’ll transition to a class of 30! However, She’s very ready, met her new teachers and classmates 3 times, loves her uniform; can’t wait to go and learn how to do “everything”. I’m just sad that she’s not my little baby anymore, I spent most of my maternity leave worrying about my husband who was very ill (all stable now, touch wood), then went back to work full time so I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with her. We got two weeks left and I’m trying to do something different with her each day!

socraties1234 · 28/08/2018 13:56

My son started secondary school last September. I felt like I had thrown my little lamb to the wolves. but a year on he is really happy and has fitted in well.

MiddlingMum · 28/08/2018 14:21

It doesn't ever get easier. You'll have the same thoughts as he moves up to secondary school, and far worse worries when you take him to university for the first time. You'll always worry that people won't "get" him, that you won't be there if he is upset or hurt, that he's growing away from you.

But actually, the likelihood is that he'll be absolutely fine. Far better than you ever thought, and will thrive on the new challenges.

Schools are generally brilliant at settling new children in, getting to know them and their quirks and making sure they are happy. This comes before any formal education. Our primary school has a "tea and tissues" session for new parents on the first morning, well out of sight of the children. You can then go and view them discreetly and see how happy and engaged they are in their classroom.

Original poster
cjt110 · 28/08/2018 15:49

I was pleased when the TA said that if any child were to be upset, that would be fine and they would ask to tale the children from us as parents. She also said it is fine if we wanted to call 10 or so minutes later to check on the child, and that if we didn't, they might well call us to let us know.

He looks so bloody grown up in his uniform and so handsome. Wish I could show you all.

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