11yo DS2, DH and Sport

[BaconAndAvocado]

DS2 was interested in football and belonged to a team but then left. It was a very high-performing team and I think he felt pressured. He wasn't one of the top players/favourites on the team.

He's recently been playing with a much more low key team where it's more about playing with a smile on your face than winning which is great. We thought he liked this set up but he's now saying he's not sure if he wants to play with them.

DH is concerned that if he doesn't do any sport that he'll put on weight.
For DH sport is very important. He grew up in a sporty family.

DS2's only other interest is tech/screens.

I argue that lots of kids don't do sport and don't end up overweight.

I think I've posted because it annoys me that DH puts pressure on our son to do a recreational activity that he (DS) isn't that interested in!

I think it's a case of DH living through DS2 a bit.

DH also thinks that doing a sport will be good for DS when he starts secondary school in a few weeks.

In essence, re the fitness etc I do agree with DH, but you can't make a child do something they don't want to do!!!!!

Anyone been in this situation?

I think all kids need exercise of some sort, but not necessarily sport. It isn't for your dh to dictate what your ds does in his leisure time.

If he doesn't want to do it, I'd let him stop, but make it clear that he does need to identify some other form of regular physical activity in order to stay healthy.

it isn't for your DH to dictate what your DS does in his leisure time

I totally agree.

Perhaps it’s just team sport and the requirement to please everyone else that’s a strain.
What about non-team activities like cycling or karate or orienteering. My ds 10 has just done his second orienteering day. They get provided with a map, have to follow clues, get from a-b. Plenty of exercise, and can be timed. And he can do it with you or just one friend if he prefers.
There are lots of things he could have a go at.

In a similar situation, I told DS that I was happy for him to give up that sport, but that he would need to find another sport or activity to do instead. So fine, no more rugby- but you’ve chosen first aid cadets/ piano lessons/ drama club instead. Just sitting for those hours in front of tge PS4 was not an option.

In one case he readily agreed and tried tennis as a new sport (although that wasn’t for him in the end), another time he devised to stick at the current activity. Sport may not be the most important thing, but I think activity away from school lessons - giving a new range of friends, confidence and interests- is vital as children move towards high school.

Agree with everything you've all said!

I think it's very much a case of trying to please his Dad, which concerns me but when I think about my childhood, improbably was always trying to please my parents in different ways.

Queen funnily enough, DS2 enjoys and is good at tennis and we live very close to a tennis club.

Good point about an activity away from school lessons too.

Regarding the new football team, he has to make a decision re signing by the end of this week.

If he doesn't want to carry on, that's his decision. I'd wait and see how secondary goes before trying to encourage anything else. He will likely be exhausted for a while. He may join clubs at school involving new sports. How will he get to school - walk, cycle? He may make new friends and want to join activities they do. See how things are after Christmas if he hasn't found anything by then.