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Original poster

If you have 2 young children how do you manage bed time?

26 replies

Sandstormbrewing · 27/08/2018 22:03

DC1 has never been a good sleeper (worst sleeper my health visitor, my mother and his nursery key worker has ever met) and has never been one for story, tuck in, go to sleep. He needs lots of support. We've got it down to (usually) 30-40 minutes but any disruption in the routine or attempt to do it differently causes pandemonium and it can take hours and hours, usually with a vomit or 2 (he's 2.5). We've tried lots of things and the thing that works is one of us doing pjs, teeth, story, cuddle, bed then sitting in his room until he falls asleep (slow retreat tired several times and failed and sets us back weeks).

DC2 is now on its way and I am wondering how the hell I'll cope trying to get DC1 down. DH won't always be home for bedtime to take one or the other and I'm not sure how either will take sitting in DC1s room for the bedtime routine.

So what do you do?

OP posts:

Worieddd · 27/08/2018 22:05

Marking place I am in a similar position. Also expecting and DS(3) sleeps in our bed at the moment
Working out how to try to get him in his own room.

Twolittlebears · 27/08/2018 22:09

Placemarking for tips

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 27/08/2018 22:09

I never worked out how to make babies go to sleep at 8pm.
When I had a toddler and a newborn- I put the toddler down first (baby present in a moses basket or bouncy chair)- then hung out with the baby. She would generally go to sleep of her own accord aroun 11pm.
Night and day mean nothing to them at that age.

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SpottingTheZebras · 27/08/2018 22:10

I went for lots of drives when doing bedtime by myself and would then transfer them once asleep.

LurkingQuietly · 27/08/2018 22:15

3 kids under 4.5 - we're still doing bedtime stories etc on our bed and transferring them all to their own beds. It's shit, but it's the quickest way we've found to get them all to bed. We need to address it but haven't got the appetite at the moment.

Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 27/08/2018 22:17

SpottingTheZebras unfortunately DC1 doesn't transfer! If he falls asleep in the car, he wakes as soon as we stop and then won't go back down.

unlimiteddilutingjuice I am expecting DC1 to go down first, I'm just not sure how. Or if the baby will get upset/ traumatised by the howling.

OP posts:

SinkGirl · 27/08/2018 22:21

When my twins were small they’d sleep through the other full blown screaming in their face so don’t worry about the baby being disturbed.

How old is DC1? A lot can change in a year, is he old enough to understand that he needs to be a big boy, baby coming etc? I know a few mums who’ve had success with this.

Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 27/08/2018 22:24

SinkGirl if anything knowledge of the baby has caused regression. "no mumma, I your baby" etc. So I expect it'll get worse before it'll get better. He'll be 3yrs 1 month when baby comes.

OP posts:

DelurkingAJ · 27/08/2018 22:58

Until he was too big for the Moses basket DS2 didn’t have bedtime but would have a bath with one of us once DS1 was asleep (c. 8:30 for safety) whilst the other cooked (assuming DH wasn’t doing an evening on duty) and then be in the Moses basket until we went up to bed.

Once he was big enough they have shared bath and milk and stories then bed if were both in. If it’s just me (once a week in term time) then DS2 has his bath quickly then whilst he’s being dried and having his milk and stories DS1 gets to ‘relax and soak, Mummy’ (5.5 so I’m happy to be in the next room to him in the bath). DS2 is little enough (2.5) that I can get away with him going to bed at 7:30 these nights giving me 30 minutes for milk and stories with DS1 and both in bed by 8.

MrsMarigold · 27/08/2018 23:02

I've always done both at the same time. In a double bed, then transfer to own beds once asleep. They still prefer sleeping together but I guess it will come to an end at some point.

IStillDrinkCava · 27/08/2018 23:02

You'll muddle through and it'll change week to week.

I used to do DC1's bedtime with babe in arms/on boob and sort out the baby later. Later you can merge baby's bedtime in with DC1's as it develops. Homestly you'll work it out.

For night time wakings we did take one child each at first, but DC1's sleep regression only lasted a few days.

sdaisy26 · 27/08/2018 23:15

Sling for the baby? That will get you through the first few months at least.

Or you might get lucky & have a dc2 like mine (dc1 not a good sleeper)...I could pop dc2 in his cot from very early on and he would just fall asleep.

Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 27/08/2018 23:26

Yeah, I know I'll muddle through, just not sure about my sanity (had horrendous PND with DC1, not helped by the lack of sleep!).

I'm not worried about routine or bedtime for DC2, particularly not early on it's the physical act of getting DC1 down to sleep I'm worried about. My go-to with DC1 was a sling but he'll often lash out at me at bed time so would be worried about DC2 in a sling/ in arms.

OP posts:

PetrovaFossil1 · 28/08/2018 03:23

It's pretty chaotic and stressful here! I have a 2.5yr old and a 2 month old and on weekdays DH is never home in time to help.
I find a bath support and baby bath essential so I can bath my toddler in the bath and baby in baby bath at same time (6, for a 7pm bedtime)
I do stories on my bed while I bf the baby to sleep then pop him into his swaddle and Moses basket and pray he stays asleep long enough for me to do one last story and put eldest to bed. My toddler does quiet colouring for a few mins while I put the baby in his basket in another room.
Usually the baby does not stay asleep and I'm running between the two until the last minute toddler demands are done ('water!' 'I need a wee' 'I need a plaster!' 'Teddy needs a new nappy!' Etc etc ) and I can feed baby back to sleep...

PetrovaFossil1 · 28/08/2018 03:24

I don't stay in toddlers room but friends who do have sat there feeding the baby until toddler sleeps

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 28/08/2018 03:30

I agree you will find a way that suits you, with ds2 and again when ds3 was a baby they just slotted into the routine. When they were babies they didn’t go to sleep but sat with me either in my arms or in their basket or swinging chair. The older children weren’t phased by them being there and if the baby did cry the older ones actually accepted that they needed looking after so your oldest one may surprise you

Fatted · 28/08/2018 03:30

I'm sorry. I am one of 'those' mums who's kids were sleeping through from early on and went to bed from 7pm from 6 months old. When DS2 was a baby it was a bit crazy. He would usually be getting grizzly when DS1 went to bed. But DS1 would have a bath and a bit of a chill out with DH while I dealt with his brother.

Could you set up a feeding chair in your DS room so that you can sit down with the baby while he's drifting off to sleep. Or perhaps set up a moses basket in his room for the baby? At least then everyone is in one place!

FlipperSocks · 28/08/2018 03:46

Early on with 3 yr old and newborn I had a toddler bed in our room, plus an armchair for feeding.

Had 3 or so nights a week with DP out taking our older son to sports. Would do bedtime with baby in sling or asleep in bassinet, then stay in room with 3 yr old either feeding baby or in bed myself. And a fucking lot of patience as 3 yr old middle child was always a high maintenance sleeper. She’s five now and thankfully now a sound sleeper in her own bed and room.

PhilomenaButterfly · 28/08/2018 05:12

DD2 went to bed first when DS2 was tiny, DS2 came in with us at about 10. There's a 4 year age gap, so now DS2 goes to bed at 7, DD goes to bed at 10.10 in the holidays, 9.20 in term time.

TrappedByATurtle · 28/08/2018 05:23

You will manage.
The baby will be fine.
DS was exactly how you describe. Any disruption and bed time could take 2 hours. I used to bf Dd whilst sat on DS's bed. Then if she fell asleep I'd tell him I was just popping next door to out her down in her cot and I'd be back. He accepted that.

I spent my whole pregnancy in a panic, worried I wouldn't cope with two lots of bed time, and you know what? DD was completely different. Went to sleep in a chair. Could move her into bed. Would happily be put down awake and gurgle and fall asleep. I may have insisted the hospital check her over several times before we were discharged because I couldn't believe there wasn't something seriously wrong with her. She was asleep in the cot.

I assume that DS's bed is large enougn for you to sit on it next to him?

MaverickSnoopy · 28/08/2018 05:25

When DC2 was born DC1 was 4, so a bit older, but I used to take baby in sling and put DC1 to bed. DC2 would go to bed after.

What I would say is that you have worked out how to get DS to sleep and by all accounts this has been no mean feat - so you will work this out too. The joy of parenthood....figuring things out and solving problems.

icklekid · 28/08/2018 05:31

Many a time would I be sat on ds floor feeding DD and she would fall asleep whilst I was waiting for him to. Have a Moses basket or bath support (we used ours a lot not just in the bath - those big angelcare ones) so you can out baby down if you don't want to be holding them. Hopefully you will have support when DH is on paternity leave and by the end of it can come up with something that works for ds and you

Original poster

Sandstormbrewing · 28/08/2018 10:19

Really hoping DC2 is different!

I didn't realise quite how hard work DC1 was until I had my nephew for the weekend, such an easy sleeper!

OP posts:

Silversun83 · 28/08/2018 10:46

DD (2.3) goes into her cot and falls asleep by herself at bedtime (and DH is normally home for bedtime anyway), but I still hold her to sleep for her nap and then transfer her to cot so that was what I worried about before DS (now five months) arrived. And you do just muddle through.. I had to just leave DS in our room next door with the door open.. sometimes asleep, sometimes awake. I just made sure he wasn't hungry and as he got a bit older and more aware, gave him his dummy if he was grizzly.. If he cried would just put DD in her cot whilst I settled DS. Sometimes she would actually just go to sleep, but more often than not would start playing (which is why I hold her to sleep for naps!). As a PP says, sometimes I would be just running between the two until one (or both) were asleep.

barleyreed · 28/08/2018 13:48

Although I was lucky that DC1 was a good sleeper this really stressed me too. For the first few months baby would often be asleep in Moses basket, bouncy chair or if not if DH wasn't here to help I would put DC2 in sling throughout DC1's bedtime, my back didn't thank me but everyone was happy! Now old enough for a proper bedtime, 7ish for both, if I am on my own I bath them together then let DC1 watch something on his kindle while I get DC2 to sleep then finish DC1's bedtime, not ideal but it usually works!!

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