Anyone who was adopted as a baby who got in touch with birth parents?

[EleanorLavish]

I was adopted as a baby in the 70s. Have a lovely family, all very close. But my folks are getting quite old, and it has made me think that if I want to do this time is running out.
I am extremely close to my parents and siblings (also adopted from different families at different times). I have never felt that a part of me was missing, or had a burning desire to 'find out'. I've heard that most meetings over time do not go well. And no one has ever come looking for me so probably happy to leave it as it is.
Just wondering if anyone has experience of this and how it went?

My friend is adopted, always knew. She was born in the 80s. A few years ago she wNted to find her birth mum. She managed to trace her and met up. If didn't go well, mum was an alcoholic, tried to get money out of her, lots of emotional blackmail.
Just be prepared to be emotionally battered!

My friend is adopted and also wrote to her birth mother when she received the paperwork.
Another case of it not going well. At all.

I’ve just got home from visiting my birth parents. We get on really well.

Are they still together NotUmbongo?

A friend met up with her birth parents a few years ago, they had got married and went on to have 4 other dc , they all now get on reallywell and the both sets of parents too

Yes they are. They have 2 more daughters and are very much still in love. They were 15 when we were born, far too young to cope with a multiple birth, one of which was servely disabled. It was a mixed race relationship too which at the time and in that country was heavily stigmatised.

The baby my mum had when she was young traced her when he was in his early 20s, over 30 years ago. It's all fine , we like having an extra branch on the family tree.

My mum met her adoptive mother who wanted nothing to do with her and only met her to see if she was trying to blackmail her (she never told her husband and children about the youthful indiscretion that led to my mum). It broke her heart tbh.

My older half sister was adopted and traced us. It didn't go well. Our mother is a narcissistic alcoholic (I am now NC). The agency recommended that a number of visits should be supervised at first but both of them knew better and dove right into lots of contact etc. It lasted less than 3 months so they went NC, then I started to get all sorts of texts from my sister, some blamey, some apologetic etc and I realised how like my mother she was. I was pg with my first at the time, my parents first grandchild, getting lots of attention and I think jealousy had a lot to do with it. She blocked me shortly before my Dd was born and havent heard from her since.

I was adopted aged 10 and have lots of siblings who were also put into care/adopted. My older sister traced our birth mother and for a time they were ok; I think the end was when they began to get to know one another a little better than 'surface' stuff and my sister realised what a deeply vile woman the birth mother was.

It's never appealed to me and I doubt it ever would. My adoptive Mum is incredible; a nightmare at times but genuinely the funniest, warmest woman I know. I can't imagine wanting to open that can of worms, nor what harm it could cause me and my family if she turned out to be a total wanker (which, given what my sister says, is likely).

Sad that it doesn't work out so often, but really pleased for those of you that have a relationship now. My mum would be devastated if she found out I'd done it, so maybe best to leave that can of worms...

I used to assist research into helping people find birth parents, mixture of characters & some went well, others went wrong & some where to late.

To be honest it always seemed siblings to gain a lot from being found.

No one can tell you & there is no right or wrong

A girl I worked with had been adopted. She met up with her birth parents and it didn't go well at all. She's now no longer in contact.

Likewise my second cousins had her five children removed. The youngest three were adopted. If they met up with her they'd find she's still an addict who uses people and then acts the victim. Can't imagine it would be beneficial for them at all except to not always be wondering.

Hi OP

I was also adopted in the 70s. I met my birth mother when I was 18. we had contact for years but I stopped it about five years ago as it had never really felt "right." I'm glad I met her, but also glad we aren't in contact any more.

Very gently - whether your mum would be upset or not, if you want to track down your birth parents you should do it.

In my case, I really needed to see where my physical characteristics came from, as I look very, very different from my family! (in fact I'm a different ethnicity which suddenly became glaringly obvious once we knew the facts!). It helped me feel more secure in myself. I wasn't looking for my mother - I already had one of those and she was wonderful - but I was definitely looking for a part of me.

I'm totally at peace with the fact that we are no longer in contact. When I met her (my birth mother) I was excited and fascinated and felt instantly that I knew her really well. What I didn't acknowledge for many years was the fact that I didn't actually feel comfortable with her, or like her! I'm not sure if we are too different or too similar, but I know that if she'd been a work colleague or someone I'd met in the pub, I would never have wanted to spend time with her.

Annoyingly she pops up on facebook every so often as "someone I might know.' God knows how, we don't have any friends in common and I've never visited the city she lives in. She is quite high-profile and very well-known in her public sector job, so she pops up on TV occasionally. Which is why I never watch the news now. I'm just happier without her in my life, but as a teenager I needed to know her and I'm glad I had the opportunity.

At one time you will have had your birth mothers phone number in a phone, Facebook will have taken this contact and therefore know that you have made contact and possibly know this person @MrsSpencerGregson