Am I becoming one of those mums?

[NonJeNeRegretteRien]

Baby daughter is 3mos and I’ve always worked FT since I left school. I already have my return date set but have noticed a difference in my behaviour recently.

There’s a few women in my family who you could consider neurotic; close to sharing behaviours with some forms of OCD. I can be particular and I like things a certain way but I’ve never put those things ahead of the people in my life (e.g. my cousin once banged her head on her mother’s coffee table and my aunt checked the coffee table was okay before checking my cousin was okay).

Last few weeks I’ve noticed I’ve been really focussed on tiny details and convinced things are stained - chasing shadows around on our carpet, vacuuming the TV, yesterday I was cleaning the bath and sink plug holes with cotton buds...

I don’t really know where this is coming from, my DH is teasing me gently but I know he thinks it’s a bit weird. I’m hoping going back to work will help distract me from making the minutiae a focus and j can start to enjoy the bigger picture again.

Did anyone else notice a change in their behaviour during their mat leave? Or is this just delayed nesting as I find myself wanting to fold and organise all DD’s clothes in her room (and I’ve already got all her wardrobe for the next year bought....

It’s probably just being over tired that’s making you obsess slightly about things. Be aware that depression can sometimes manifest itself this way and worrying about minor things can be a displacement activity.
Be kind to yourself but if it escalates to a point where the checking and worrying are affecting your ability to enjoy your day to day life then it’s worth a trip to your GP.
It’s hard being a new Mum you never know how it will affect you.

Thank you... I’ll keep an eye on it. I probably am just shattered. Only 17 years and 9 mos to go.

Do you think you might be worried that you won't have time to do things when you go back to work so you are being extra thorough just now? I know I do this. If I have a people coming round on a Saturday night I sometimes start panicking and cleaning on the Monday and continue to do so all through the week.

Yeah I think it’s a hormonal thing.

I found my “stress behaviour” exacerbated post natally.

For me I became anxious about nuclear war. It’s funny now I look back but it was a real concern at the time!!

I think it’s tiredness, hormones, general stress. It just manifests differently for each person.

Would some baby groups help redirect your focus maybe? I booked a different activity every day and it helped. X

From personal experience if you have any remote kind anxiety, having children makes it a 100 times worse. I think it's to do with not being able to control things as much.

I was like this after my 1st was born, focussing on the littlest things I drove myself mad, crumbs sent me crazy, however it settled. I think it stemmed from having a busy career to being at home and my mind didn't cope with the change. But it learned to cope!

I had a weevil outbreak and I became absolutely obsessed with cleanliness and order when I was on mat leave. It was when ds was about 4 months. I’ve always been tidy and organised.
My house really frustrates me now. It is never tidy. Ds just makes so much mess. He is seven.

I think also being at home all day makes you notice all of the things that need cleaning and updated because you see the house so much all day

I think mine was also being in a first floor flat with no friends. My flat had just been a base really whilst I worked. I did try groups and stuff to meet people. It is a change going from working full time to bring at home. I saw my obsessive behaviour like a control element to being so out of my comfort zone.

I definitely think not being at work, having had a really busy job and also lack of sleep could be factors.

Thanks everyone... am sure it’ll get easier 🤞

I remember obsessing about how tidy my cupboards were and realising it was time to go back to work from mat leave. I knew once back in work I wouldn't give a shit what the inside of the cupboards was like- and I was right!!😂