Feeling should so sad about everything

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It's been crap from the moment I was born.

Crap childhood- born into poverty, parents too busy to notice me, older siblings didn't play with me and saw me as a burden/ bullied me.

School- teachers were horrible to me in infants though things improved once in
junior.

Went to uni. Got a great degree but had extremely poor mental health throughout and couldn't continue with career.

Fast forward to now- Severe chronic low self esteem, low self confidence, social anxiety, too quiet, hate myself. Hate my life. It was all shit and I wish I never was born. Especially into the family I was. I had so so much potential. It all got fucked by a shit childhood. See old class mates excelling and all sorts whilst I'm stuck here like a loser.

Im embarrassed. I'm ashamed.

Sorry you are feeling so down. It sounds like you are quite depressed. Have you talked to anyone about how you are feeling?

It's sad to hear you feel this way op. You might benefit from talking to someone in real life. I'm sure there are positives in your life.

Sorry your feeling the way you do. I can relate to feelings of low self esteem caused by childhood. I’ve been down that rabbit hole and still get the odd wobble. I’ve had to do a lot of work on that, I came to the realisation one day that the past is gone I couldn’t change it and I wasn’t prepared to let it ruin my present moments or future. I had to do a lot of work on my thoughts, beliefs and behaviours I didn’t feel better overnight and I had to take responsibility for myself. Friends family and doctors can provide support and assistance. Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of feelings lots of people struggle with self esteem. You’ve taken a big step sharing them on here.

Filling

Op, I had a rubbish childhood too. No nice memories for me - dad too busy getting promoted at work, mum not maternal in any way whatsoever.it was only when I had counselling for severe work stress and I had to think of my happiest childhood memory I realized I didn't have one.

You've done really well to get a degree. I shut the door on my past memories - we can't change them now but we can change our futures. Everyone has a little spark in them. An interest,something they enjoy doing - you need to work out what's yours and build on it. Being a quieter person isnt a bad thing - some of the world's best inventors and entrepreneurs were shy. You need to build on your confidence and concentrate on making little steps and goals for the future.

Counselling wasn't for me - I didn't want to keep talking about my childhood so I closed that door and focused on my positives instead - I like you did very well in education. Is this something you can build on? I've read lots of self help stuff on building self esteem too which have helped me. Don't compare your life to your friends lives - it'll drive you mad.

Some of us have had great starts in life some of us have had rubbish starts, but we're still in the race lovely. Run forwards not backwards.

It seems to be you've done bloody well - you got a degree while a world of shit was going on around you. That's a hell of an achievement which most people wouldn't have managed.

But I also think you're probably very depressed - please ring and make an appointment with your GP on Tuesday. You don't have to be feeling this sad - there are things to make it better.

Many people were born into poor families, (including me), and some have overcome terrible childhoods and gone on to do well.

I think most people get to a stage where they think "omg what have I done with my life?" You don't say how old you are, but it this a mid life crisis? As a pp says, you're depressed and need to get some treatment. The what do you need in your life that would make it better? Just little things - music? CBT? À club/hobby? A dog?

Yes, I do think I am becoming depressed. I have felt like this before. It seems when I have other struggles in life, all these buried thoughts pop up again with a vengeance.

I know, I know I shouldn't look at other people. Thief of joy and all that. But I can't help it. I have literally nothing to be proud of. I went to therapy a couple of years ago (CBT) for my social anxiety but it didn't really help at all but made me feel worse as I wasn't seeing improvements and it just proved to me what a headfuck I am.
I'm unfixable it seems.

One thing that it did help with was that it made me very self aware of my thoughts and the negative voice in my head. I basically speak to myself the way my siblings spoke/ speak to me. I lacked confidence as a child as I was chastised over everything. I learnt very quickly that I wasn't a valued member of my family and my voice was not important. Being the youngest it seemed noone gave a shit.

I was bright at school but the lack of confidence and self esteem meant I never achieved outside of school. I've never had a career and I don't know how to do it without going back to university which I don't want to.

Life can be cruel for no reason.

It's hard to make suggestions without more information. If I had my time again id probably be a teacher, nurse or social worker. Can you not build on the degree that you've already got? Or an apprenticeship? You have to look forwards, not backwards. What are you interested in?

Hynotherapy may help you as it might instill some positive thoughts for you to build on.