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Original poster

What do you think about gender selection?

43 replies

Milkmonster2 · 26/08/2018 20:40

What do you think about selecting the sex of your baby?

In the USA and some countries it's possible to have IVF and choose the sex of the embryo that's implanted. (In the UK it is illegal.)

It's crossed my mind that perhaps in the future (in 5-8 years time) we might consider having PGD (pre- implantation diagnosis) IVF to 'balance' our family.

We already have two of the same sex.

Do you think it's moral/ immoral and why?

OP posts:

NotAnotherHeffalump · 27/08/2018 07:58

I'm pro life, for me the 8 week old embryo is just as significant as the 9 week old fetus. We had an early scan with our last pregnancy and saw a heartbeat at 6 wks. Very sadly lost that baby at 11 wks, and I wouldn't give two hoots what genitalia they had.

I know if boys born to rugby mad family who loathe the game, and girls who turn out to be very tom-boyish. It would worry me that someone going after gender selection would have a host of other expectations to place on those small shoulders, around things like if it was a girl we will be really close and go shopping and do hair and make up etc, if it's a boy they'll be super sporty and I can take them football every Saturday...

Just be thankful for the child you get as an individual and don't try to produce this "perfect" family. Parents should love and protect their children no matter what gender they are, and for me that's from the earliest of stages.

ellesbellesxxx · 27/08/2018 08:11

I get really annoyed as I have b/g twins. I get so many comments about how “clever I am” and how “my family is complete”
I actually often comment that science is what is clever as without ivf, they wouldn’t be here. And after the pain of infertility I couldn’t care less what sex they were, I just genuinely am so privileged to have a child at all... let alone twins!
Plus I would happily have loads more babies but my husband won’t let me..

QuantumPixies · 27/08/2018 08:26

I think gender selection where it involves abortion of a foetus (foetus meaning after 9 weeks) is morally wrong.

9 weeks is an unusual cut off. I’m interested to know why you’ve defined a foetus that way. Is it ok to abort an 8 week girl because your family wouldn’t be balanced? What about a 10 week foetus because you’ve only just discovered you were pregnant and really don’t want to have a child?

Just playing devil’s advocate here.

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Families

bluebird3 · 27/08/2018 08:34

If you already need IVF to have children and need to have PGD testing to screen genetic conditions then you will likely not care what gender you get. For those who have actually been through his process it's not simple, straightforward, or guaranteed. It's likely you will have a small number (3-4) embryos left if you are lucky. So at that point you can choose to implant the strongest looking embryo, or choose your gender. It may or may not work anyways. What if you get 3 boys and 1 girl and the girl doesn't implant? Would you chuck out the boys and do it all again? IVF is not an 'easy' option and I think it's ridiculous to consider it just to choose the gender of your next child if you don't NEED IVF to get pregnant.

ellesbellesxxx · 27/08/2018 08:41

Well said @bluebird3

DonutCone · 27/08/2018 08:53

I would rather people used gender selection to have the baby they want rather than the family I know who had 5 girls and then the boy, and stopped.

BitchQueen90 · 27/08/2018 09:11

I think it's really wrong. It's not a pick 'n' mix.

I've got one DS, I'm not having any more children. No desire for a girl to "complete" my family or whatever.

Twistandshoutmyway · 27/08/2018 09:22

As a receiver of a debilitating degenerative deforming chronic disease that alternates gender as it goes down the line, (my maternal grandmother, my father, me then my son if I was to have genetically linked to me) we chose to use a donor egg owing to suffering from Infertility anyway.

I wouldn’t wish this illness on anyone so if it can be avoided then yes, selection is a good thing if it aids quality of life.

Sierra259 · 27/08/2018 09:28

I am deeply uncomfortable with it on a number of levels and absolutely believe it should remain illegal. As bluebird said most couples who need IVF to conceive wouldn't care what sex any child turned out to be. And those who can conceive naturally should just be grateful that they can! There is absolutely no need for an arbitrary "correct" combination of siblings and it suggests a sense of entitlement of the highest order that we feel we should be able to pick and choose our idea of a perfect family. I am Catholic and while I fully support contraception, assisted conception, a woman's right to choice over abortion and a number of other things the church probably wouldn't agree with, I find this obscene in the extreme.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 27/08/2018 09:33

As someone who couldn’t have kids at all I get really angry with people who think they’ve missed out because their family is all girls or boys.

and I agree with your statement.

I am lucky and have (will have soon!) three children. Two boys and a girl. I would be equally lucky with all boys or all girls. There was a time when I thought I wouldn’t have my twins due to traumatic losses and I am thankful always for them.

Sex selection is ridiculous. What next, eye colour selection? You should love your kids whatever their sex.

SerenDippitty · 27/08/2018 09:35

If it’s about having a child free of a genetic disorder that exists within the fami,y then yes. But purely to satisfy the desires of parents who are capable of producing healthy children without medical intervention, for what they see as a “perfect” family, then no.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 27/08/2018 09:38

elles I get similar comments! My twins aren’t IVF but they were conceived after three traumatic losses.

I already have a son and I had comments that outright said “oh I hope you don’t get two boys! You can’t have three boys!” I would have loved them just as much. Honestly I just wan them to be alright.

Now we know they’re a boy and a girl we get loads of comments about how perfect it is. They were perfect either way.

HopeGarden · 27/08/2018 09:42

It would worry me that someone going after gender selection would have a host of other expectations to place on those small shoulders, around things like if it was a girl we will be really close and go shopping and do hair and make up etc, if it's a boy they'll be super sporty and I can take them football every Saturday...

I’d agree with that. What if you select the sex and then the resulting baby doesn’t conform to your expectations of how a boy / girl should be?

I think sex selection of embryos should only be allowed on medical grounds - e.g. if the parents carry genetic diseases that only affect one sex, they should be allowed to select the sex that would be unaffected by the disease.

I strongly disagree with sex selection for non medical reasons, e.g. because parents want a “balanced” family or because they like boys better than girls (or vice versa).

RedDwarves · 27/08/2018 09:47

It should only ever be allowed for genetic reasons - i.e. choosing a female embryo in cases where Muscular Dystrophy is a significant risk in males.

Otherwise, absolutely not.

kenandbarbie · 27/08/2018 09:52

I have three boys and currently pregnant with a girl (conceived naturally). I did have a longing for a girl. My mum died when I was young and I miss that relationship.

I don't object to other people doing it. Surplus embryos can be donated to other infertile people. I don't think it should be illegal in the uk where there is no strong sex preference other than 'a mixture'. I don't agree with aborting due to the 'wrong' sex though. Also, I don't know if ivf just to do that would be a good idea; it's a lot to go through, but then if someone had a very strong desire I suppose it's up to them.

Original poster

Milkmonster2 · 27/08/2018 10:10

It's been really interesting to read some of your replies.

OP posts:

dundee12 · 27/08/2018 10:23

it’s a tough one, I have 2 daughters & only sisters so would like a son. However I don’t think I could do it, as I don’t like the idea of going through IVF when I don’t need help, or destroying good embryos although I agree with IVF & abortion. Personally I would worry that the son I chose to have may not fulfill my expectations & I would ponder what the child I could conceive naturally may have become. That might sound stupid but I kind of believe things happen for a reason.

DN4GeekinDerby · 27/08/2018 13:07

My gut reaction is that it should be used for medical reasons only as many others have said.

It's true that comparatively few otherwise would go that route, though I could see it being more common among those wealthy to already doing morally questionable things like foreign surrogacy. Making it legal would likely not open the floodgates, but part of me still worries about the social issues and the concerns about the practice.

While I do think the UK and to a lesser extent the US is more typically praising 'a mixture' over one sex selection, there are communities in both that do. I was born into an American community where having sons was praised, pretty much every women in my family back a few generations has a story we were raised with about how at least one family member was very disappointed in us, and there have been news stories within the last year of girls being abused and murdered because a family member turned their disappointment into violence. So, my gut response is only for medical purposes and further work needs to be done to condemn such issues while a small part thinks few will do so and it might reduce suffering both of those girls and the mothers going through multiple forced pregnancies to meet some entirely BS sexist idea (some who are in wealthier parts of these communities who might do this). So, I'm mixed though I don't like the idea of it for nonmedical purposes.

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