Possible PND?

[jent85]

Hi all,

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with my first. Very much planned with my husband, have a stable and loving home life with supportive parents, in laws etc. Nothing to complain about....

But.....

I feel like I want to hurt myself. I feel like I don't deserve my baby, that she will have some form of disability or issue because I'm such a bad person (as punishment), I can't be bothered to make plans with my friends so I've definitely pushed them away. I had a day with all my in laws and my family yesterday and ended up crying at comments made (innocent comments about size of my bump, etc) and being quite rude/confrontational whenever spoken to. I know I'm doing it but don't know why.

I'm always teary. I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. I can't talk to my husband as he doesn't understand "depression", I don't wish to burden my mum (my dad is bipolar so she has enough on her plate), I don't particularly gel with my doctor or midwife so wouldn't know how to form the words to explain how I feel.

I feel like I'm selfish and horrid, with nothing to actually worry about - I feel like I'm making things up to worry about but I'm feeling desperate at the moment and I'm so worried when my baby comes, what will happen.

Sorry if this is a bit jumbled but i don't know what to do or where to go from here

You poor thing
I can relate to a degree, when I was pregnant with DD, I couldn’t talk about it because I was terrified of losing her, so if I didn’t accept that I was pregnant it wouldn’t be so awful when the inevitable (I thought) happened.
I wish I’d spoken to my midwife because it got really bad after DD was here. I regularly hurt myself - hitting and biting - to deal with the stress.
I was anxious about everything, and so snappy, tearful, tired. I hated being a mum.

I didn’t ever get help, but so wish I had.
DS is 4 months old now, and I feel so completely different. I adore being a mum to both of mine too, and I do regret not being able to feel like this with DD.

Please please talk to your midwife or GP. They will help you.

Thankyou for taking the time to reply ❤️

It could easily be Prenatal depression. I was irritable, moody and was always anticipating the worst while pregnant, then had postnatal depression. Your hormones are in such a state that this is quite understandable.

If you tell your doctor and midwife what you have said here they will know exactly what you going through. Do talk to them, they will understand.

Oh op bless you. It definitely does not sound like normal pregnancy hormones so that would be the best place to start. A friend of mine who is a midwife put a really in depth post on Instagram about this today, if you take a look her hook is midwifemamaandme with _ between the words , it wouldn't let me write it like that.
You need support and there is so much in place. Did you have these feelings before pregnancy? How long has it been like this?

Op do speak to your midwife. I had horrible antenatal depression and it turned into pnd. You don't have to feel like this, you can get help. It's such a bloody lonely thing to experience and very few people understand how or why anyone would feel that way. Don't be me and leave it