Can't face Christmas- desperately need an idea for getting out of UK

[Grobagsforever]

Hi

Background- widowed with 2 DDs, 4 and 8. Find Christmas impossibly sad, all that happy families etc. Can't bear to spend it with extended family as they smoother me. Also generally dislike Christmas, regardless.

Last year I said 'fuck it' and flew to Cape Verde for a week on Boxing Day with a friend in similar circumstances. That was very expensive..

Need inspiration for something cheaper that will knock out a few days of the Christmas period and get us away from the UK Christmas madness.

Idea please oh wise ones??

@Joinourclub - why on earth should I do that? My children want to be with me at Christmas. There is absolutely no rule book that says Christmas Day must be spent eating turkey, trapped in a house with relatives and opening crap to go into landfill.

I'll raise my kids my way, sometimes this means not giving them a traditional experience. Doesn't mean they feel any less loved. We have adventures together. I'm really sad you can't see the benefit.

Sorry for your loss. Christmas day flights are often cheaper than other days.
Could you let the dds have a traditional morning with grandparents then whisk them away to the canaries for some sun?

@thenightsky - good tip, I will look into Christmas Day travel

But @Theimpossiblegirl why do they NEED a traditional morning? Christmas isn't really in keeping with our values as a family anyway - we are atheist and I hate the consumerism. It really isn't compulsory to inflict cultural norms on kids and they absolutely do not suffer for it.

We're leaving Xmas behind. We've hired a house somewhere warm with a pool. Dinner on the day will be everyone's favourites, so pancakes for breakfast, hotdogs, steaks on the bbq. Presents will be holiday stuff like new swim stuff or board games. Dress code is pjs or swimwear.

That's it. That's our plan for Xmas in its entirety. I cannot freaking wait.

Just imagining being here in winter watching the wild North Sea.

I second travelling Xmas day (I don't actually celebrate it), I went up to Manchester a few years ago, wandering around deserted streets was fun.

They don't need it, they might like it. If they're genuinely not bothered, of course you don't have to, but small children do tend to like Christmas. I see it is a very difficult time for you, but a little bit of Christmas might be nice for them.
It's your choice, I'm not passing judgement, you know your children.

Grobagsforever You'd need to look for holidays starting on Monday 10th December for two weeks. I booked mine through First Choice, who have discounts at the moment.

They don’t need it, but you’ve already admitted in your post that they would like it. They’re small, their dad has died. As hard as you will find Christmas, I don’t think this is about you.

I’m really sorry for your loss and that you’re finding this hard, but I don’t think denying your small children a Christmas experience you know they would enjoy is going to, long term, be possible or advisable.

We did Christmas in the Canaries a few years ago. The hotel/complex did have some decorations up and a Father Christmas did make a brief appearance but other than that it was just a lovely relaxing family holiday. I guess that unless you get a villa or apartment that's not in a complex you may still get some traditional Christmas reminders.

The DC had fun in the pool on Christmas morning after opening a few token gifts, we lay in the sun reading and then had a lovely meal together in the evening ... We all enjoyed it.

Hope you have a lovely time wherever you end up!

I'm getting to the stage where I no longer want to spend Christmas in the UK. I think in the main Christmas and all the associated magic is for children, and as I don't have any I find it hard to see the point. I also hate the forced joviality and having family members dictating what I should do.

For example a relative has a huge party in their house over the season and everyone is expected to go, huge offence is taken if people don't attend. Even when it's down to illness. Honestly just not attending wouldn't be worth the hassle but if I were abroad it wouldn't matter lol.

I think a Christmas break is a great time to get away from the dark cold nights and enjoy some fun.
We went to Majorca one year and loved being 20 degrees warmer.
Saves on the heating bill!

Kids will love being anywhere you are, and I agree with the landfill tat, the pressure to be 'fun' when the reality is somewhat different!!

I just came on to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I love your idea and it's definitely something I would want to do some year. I agree that you don't need to keep up "traditions". And your family's tradition can become god no away for Christmas. Good luck with it x

I have struggled with many a Christmas; OP, so I sympathise.

Do some research about where you're going, when you pick - I've been to a few European places that are still quite Christmas-y; which I coped okay with but if you want to get away from it completely; it's worth a check!

@PotteringAlong - goodness, I started this thread for ideas, not judgement.

If you had any clue what you were talking about you would know that preserving your own mental health is about the single most important thing you can do for your kids. My husband died suddenly, four years ago when I was pregnant with DD2. Since then I have bloody blown it out of the park in coping. In the first year I exclusively breastfed DD2 whilst returning to a demanding job. I successfully managed to get DD1 settled into school. I learned to drive and took the kids to bloody Disney. They've had all kinds of adventures and experiences, I never let them miss out. In two weeks I will single handedly take eight, eight year olds trampoline, then for pizza then have them all to sleepover as that's what my daughter wants for her birthday.

So yes, actually surviving Christmas IS about me because I need to not bloody break so I can continue to parent the other 364 days of the year. Needlessly suffering through a traditional Christmas just might give me the nervous breakdown I have avoided thus far. Yes my kids might want a traditional Xmas. But - newflash, kids don't have to get everything they want EVEN if their dad died.

Amen sister

No advise Grobagsforever but just to let you know you are smashing it and you are bloody right to need and want this time at Christmas.

No where near the same but the amount of people who have sad how sad it will be for my dc when we return to Australia and not have a "traditional white Christmas"

Some people are just arseholes. I hope you find a great holiday, in the sun (one more finger for the 'traditionalists') for you and your dc

Cyprus is very quiet in the winter. The best weather is in the Paphos area and the resorts on the east coast will be dead.

The big towns do have decorations and some events but it's low key. There has been snow on Troodos over Xmas in recent years and sometimes it's possible to get beach weather and snow in the same holiday but it's not always that warm weather wise in Cyprus at Xmas so you need a nice hotel with an indoor pool or a car for exploring.

North Cyprus has some lovely spa hotels that are cheaper than the south and they are even more low key with Xmas celebrations.

I like the India and Thailand suggestions and in your circumstances op I'd be looking at those.

I’ve been abroad a lot at Christmas and found Spain, Italy, Greece and Cuba less obsessive than the Uk - I went to the cinema on Christmas Day in Madrid. Another idea would be to go to a non Christian Country which would be very non Christmassy.

I kind of get what everyone is saying. My dad died when I was 13. Christmas was never really the same for a long time after that, probably until I married DH and now have DS. Your kids are so young that they won't remember spending Christmas with their dad in the way that I did. Therefore they might not get why it's so hard for you and they might want a 'traditional Christmas' some years.

But you're doing a fab job on your own

Go to israel - you wont even know it's christmas!

Thinking along the lines of non Christmassy and warm - would Dubai/Abu Dhabi be an option? Had a friend who did that for the Xmas break, she loved it, said there was loads to do not just shopping and there were a few Xmas trees up in hotel lobbies but apart from that she could avoid the whole Xmas fever thing pretty well. I know there are some issues around worker rights etc but just thought I'd mention it as a possible. Apparently Abu Dhabi is less developed but friendlier - like Dubai was 15-20 years ago. Good water parks for kids etc

The times we’ve been away with kids at Christmas, I actually think it’s been better for them, because you can’t go daft with presents - you have to think about something they’d really want.

It has still been a special day for us - and we go to Church wherever we are (possibly not relevant) - which is also interesting.

We don’t have the big Christmas meal - we have food that’s nice - but not a big extravaganza of preparation.

I do like Christmas at home - but it’s also nice being away. Your mental health is very important, and you sound like you’re doing amazingly well in a tough situation.

Well said OP... you are doing a fab job by the sound of things. You do have to think of yourself and it’s not selfish.Your mh is important not only for you but for the well-being if your kids. It will be good too, for your kids to experience something different and less commercial at Xmas. They will enjoy it whatever you decide.