Worried about my mum's financial situation

[Diorissimo1985]

My DM is nearly 65 and as I get older I'm getting more worried about her finances and plans for the future. We're close but she clams up when talking about money and I'm worried that she is worried if you know what I mean!

A bit of background - DM is 65 and works as a teaching assistant, so pretty low salary. She's done this for the last 25-30 years. She and my dad had a bad divorce about 15 years ago when they were in huge debt and it basically cleared my mum out. She used her share of the house sale to clear her debt. She has then rented privately with her new husband for the past 10 years. Their rent is expensive but won't consider moving.

Her husband works full time but isn't that well paid, and has recently been told he could face redundancy this year. DM has also been recovering from cancer treatment this year so has been off work for six months, then part time hours. She has to go back full time next month as her school won't continue to allow her part time hours. I'm worried it is too much as she is still recovering from her operation and it's hard to be on her feet all day with children.

Basically I am worried about the future for her but she skirts around the topic when I try to discuss it. I know she has little savings - my granny left her money about five years ago but I think that is pretty much gone now.

I'd be grateful for advice on how to talk to her about it kindly and sensibly - I am worried about her and I'd hate her to be anxious. Secondly, what practical support can I give her? I think she plans to work for as long as possible but I just feel working is having a negative impact on her health.

TIA

Thanks again for your replies.

To be honest her husband is no help to her in terms of looking after her this past year - I don't know if he was in denial about her cancer but he didn't even drive her to any of her hospital appointments. Things seem quite odd between them so I wouldn't rely on him being around forever, if you see what I mean. Or he might - I just don't know.

MrsAmaretto I feel for you - this is the sort of scenario I imagine e.g trying to earn more to allow mum to live comfortably

I think just being aware that you might need to financially help and planning accordingly is all that you can do.

My mum feels utterly shafted at times - she got no financial help when my dad died as John Major was cracking down on feckless single parents & he left us a whopping £12k in life insurance so not entitled to help. Unfortunately she scrimped and saved so that by the time the money was gone we were 16 and she couldn’t get any help. She’s worked full time but had her retirement age extended twice due to when in the 1950s she was born and although she does own her ex council house it’s value is very little and she is scared that if she moved away & used the capital to rent what would happen when that capital was gone? It just feels that she’s worried about money her entire adult life and can’t even relax in her retirement.

If you do get to a point where it is necessary to consider her living with you, can I urge that you are in a position whereby you can have separate accommodation, even if it’s just a studio type apartment, with it’s own entrance. You’d be amazed how the most close and loving relationship can suffer when several generations are under the same roof.

I speak from experience.

My in laws lived on the state pension and a very small private pension. They rented a house with cheap rent but in the middle of nowhere. They were getting on fine. FIL sadly died at 70 leaving 65 year old MIL with £5k in the bank and her single state pension (and £20k debt which was in his name only and got written off). We were really lucky and were able to help her out. They were grown ups and their finances were their own business, but if you know someone is going to need your help you can plan for it.

As MrsAmeretto said all you can do is be aware and plan. Us talking to them wouldn’t have changed anything - you can’t magic assets out of nowhere.

Have a look at almshouses in her area- often there is a long waiting list for this type of housing, but not always. They are often for people in your mum's situation and could help relieve some financial pressure as she grows older.

The Almshouse association is a good resource.

I think really all you can do is say to your mum she has a place with you if she ever needs it and you’ll be there for her. That if she is ever worried about finances you’ll happily help her. Hard as she is an adult but I can see why you’re worried.

She might be more "sorted" than you think. Time will tell.

She should be getting state pension soon, may be pension from ex husband too.

Really the only thing you can do is to let her know she can talk to you if she wants to - you can't make her. Once she and her partner retire they will be eligible for support if they don't have much private provision, again letting her know you can help her fill in forms without prying somehow?

My mother is 64 and already receives her state pension. She doesn't work but would be capable of doing so if she wanted to, although she never worked full time.

I can see why you'd be concerned but they've obviously been managing. If you can factor her living with you into your plans if things go wrong then just keep it there as a plan B.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate it

shampoo Sadly it used to be common in divorces for future pensions not to be taken into account. Lots of women who divorced many years ago lost out big time.