Anyone else get this - feeling slightly intimidated?

[Itsacakebaby]

Bumped into a friend the other day and had a quick chat (less then 5 mins). During that time I felt she looked me up and down at least twice.

It made me feel really uncomfortable. For the record, I was not dressed to impress or looking like I'd just fallen out of bed. Just white t shirt, jeans and white pumps.

I'm a grown women FGS, in my early forties but I couldn't get back in my car quick enough.

Just wondering if this happens to you and how you feel/would deal with it.

If there was nothing out of the ordinary about your outfit (and you didn't have your flies open) then maybe she was trying to work out if you've gained/lost weight? Or she just liked your outfit?

I agree it is a bit disconcerting; Ive had this a few times recently with people I haven't seen since giving birth hopefully wondering where the weight has gone

...so my solution is to be egotistical about it

I work with a woman who does this. I don’t think it’s any kind of judgement thing (she’s not particularly fashionable or anything!) but it makes me feel so uncomfortable. We’ll be discussing a client or something then she’s checking out my body! I just think she’s weird

I’ve literally never ever noticed someone ‘looking me up and down’

Maybe I’m just uninteresting but I do find it’s a phrase used by people either slightly paranoid, aggressive or both.

People just look, it’s fine and means nothing.

Everybody is doing this to me at the moment because I had a baby 6 months ago and people are fascinated, it seems. Especially work colleagues who haven't seen me since I was 8.5 months pregnant.

I have the best body confidence I've ever had now. Instead of looking at my body and finding imperfections to hate I find myself looking at it and thinking "well done body! You grew and birthed dd!" Also signs of being postpartum like my tufty hair regrowth from hair loss make me quite proud like a badge of honour.

However all this is easy for me to say because I have got back into pre preg clothes now. At least one woman at work who struggles with baby weight openly hates me.

cornettoninja if no-one has ever done this to you why on earth would you think if it does happen to someone that they are a paranoid aggressive - that’s really bizarre. And kind of weirdly aggressive in itself

I think you're not very observant, @Cornettoninja. Either that or you are perfect.

This has happened to me and it does me make me feel a tad uncomfortable. I just try to see the person as little as possible after that!

I have a friend who does this. It's a bit disconcerting. I tend to ignore it now that I've got used to it. I don't think she means to be rude. Her family were in the fashion industry so perhaps she was conditioned to look at people like this ?

Oh gosh, I have quite often been pulled up my friends for ‘looking them up and down’ and them wondering if they have something funny on them (like stain or a bug etc) or if I think they look odd.
I really try not to do it now I am aware, but usually I am just looking then them in interest and seeing them as a whole. I can’t explain it any more than that. I am listening to what they say and I am not making judgements. Just looking I guess. But I try to be aware of it and not do it as I know it is understandably taken the wrong way and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

I do this, I don't mean to, it's usually absent minded and I never do it in a judgy way. Usually it's if I think someone looks nice I'll be looking to see what they're wearing with what. Or thinking they've lost weight, have a nice figure etc. I'm not very confident myself and do admire other people's styles and get ideas.

I’ve experienced this a lot over the years, it does not result in a nice feeling at all so if you are in the habit of doing this, please stop!

A couple of the times it’s happened to me, I’ve had someone with me who has then gone on to comment something along the lines of “Omg, did you see the way she kept looking you up and down, what a bitch!”

I’ve always assumed it was something that certain women do intentionally to make other women aware of the fact that they are being judged. It comes across as being intimidating and unfriendly. There’s something about pointedly looking someone up and down several times at close range and not passing comment that’s particularly nasty in its effect...almost a “I’m going to make sure you get the point that I am judging you on your appearance but I’m going to leave you wondering what I might be thinking by not passing comment.” It’s a mind game.

It’s also very different to someone looking you up and down and smiling and saying “wow you look great, have you lost weight?/look at those gorgeous curves/I love those jeans, where did you get them?” or even making a jokey comment about your loud patterned harem pants or whatever. The first thing I described is intentionally nasty, the second a friendly way of paying attention. I highly doubt anyone on Mumsnet would admit to doing the first!

Either that or you are perfect

Possibly... pretty unlikely though.

I just don’t see it happen. I’ve had friends comment at the exact time it’s meant to be happening/just happened and it’s completely passed me by. Generally I’ve just seen people looking at each each other.

It’s a really subjective accusation I suppose is my point, at best it’s a very subtle slight, one that could be too easily misinterpreted and therefore not worth any angst over a meaning that may or may not be there.

Thank you everyone.

Maybe I was being slightly paranoid.

Glad to see that some of you knew where I was coming from though.