How do you know whether you are just feeling low due to tiredness/ daily grind of having a baby or PND?

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Baby is around 5m old. I was doing great mentally after she was born - I felt I was coping well considering she hardly slept. I thought her sleep would get better. It hasn't.

I've found my mood, energy and level of happiness slowly decrease over the last 2 months or so. I'm not sure if it's because of the interrupted sleep I've had for so long which is contributing to my low mood or if it's PND.

I am exhausted mentally. It feels like hard work just trying to think. I forget things easily. I find it hard to focus and concentrate. I'm usually really organised and have a planner with to do lists etc but all that has gone to pot. I feel apathy. I'm tired. I can't be bothered to do anything which then makes me feel even worse.

I feel exactly the same right now OP. I've been to the GP for blood tests to check for thyroid problems, anaemia etc. Maybe you should do the same to rule out any physical reasons that you're feeling low

I think that the lack of sleep is definitely contributing to how you feel. At first, with a new (especially first) baby you have lots of sleep reserves, the hormones and novelty keep you going despite very broken sleep. after 3 months you start to get vey worn down, and reality hits!
Can your other half take over some more at night? I breast fed so I did struggle, but if you could express a bottle or 2 and go to bed early with ear plugs you might get a bit of a break. I know it's easier said than done!
Or speak to your health visitor, they might be able to help.
It's a very tough time. I remember it well, even 10 years on. You can feel very lonely too. And it's not how you think you ought to feel! hugs xx

I know how you feel (mine is 8 mo). I have a history of depression so I’m very alert and often wonder if my down feelings are normal or something to be concerned about.

At some point the adrenaline has to wear off and the cumulative effects of sleep deprivation also kick in. I also thought that the tiredness would get better - the nights are less bad, but he’s just got more exhausting in the day to make up for it (heavier, clingier, on the move).

What helped recently was that DH took the baby for an entire day and I went to the cinema, had brunch etc before coming home for dinner, bed & bathtime. This helped me recharge mentally and reclaim myself a bit. Would this be something you could do and see if it makes a difference?

Can you ask your hv if you can do the Edinburgh test, that takes into account the previous 2 weeks (I kept telling myself it was fine really because I didn't cry every day). Iirc, a score of 11 or higher indicates pnd. Once I had that, I went to my gp (and had a cry at her) and had a low dose of ads for a few months and that worked for me (of course everyone is different, this was just my experience).
Please don't put it off though. I waited 5 months to get help. Maybe it's not pnd but then at least you can rule it out.

PND is different for everyone. Not getting sleep will make you feel like shit though, and anti depressants won’t make your baby sleep!

Do you have a partner that can do the night wakings for a couple of days? Or can your baby go to grandparents/aunts/uncles overnight?

If you get some sleep and still feel like shit then something isn’t right.

I found this stage exhausting: in my case it was exhaustion rather than PND.

Is your partner sharing the night parenting?

There are so many growth spurts, development stages, teething in the first year of life. Then you are also recovering from pregnancy and birth.

Is there anyway someone could help and let you have a day or two off? Not easy to do if bf. Then perhaps after some time to sleep and think and relax you may get more of idea.

Sleep deprivation is an absolute nightmare and I had no help and I bf. I just kept thinking it was alright to cry, made myself seek out others in same situation so I didn’t feel alone. Tell people you are suffering they will help, don’t suffer in silence.

The chronic lack of sleep over many months is utterly horrific. I thought that if it was possible to die of exhaustion, I was on my way out. My personality changed and at the risk of sounding dramatic, I felt suicidal at times. I also had PND, which showed itself pretty much from the beginning, but can appear much later.

There is a questionnaire you can fill out from the GP or HV, a tool they use to assist in diagnosing PND. If you feel comfortable with your HV I would definitely speak to them. I’m glad I did.

It’s not until you start recovering that you realise just how bad it was. At the time, I had no idea how vulnerable I was.

I forgot to say, it DOES get better. You will hear that a lot and want to slap someone! But it does....

What is the baby's sleep like? Are you breastfeeding?

Neither of my DC slept well until they were much older, sadly.

Sharing the night and early morning care - all the time, not just one or two “nights off” on occasion - was essential.

She's very demanding during the day too so I feel that I'm not getting a break during the day as well as the night.

I'm bf. She wakes up ALOT. The other night, in an 8 hour stretch she woke up 12 times! The next night after she woke up 5x in 7 hours. I don't know why she keeps waking up. I wake up in the morning with a headache and just wanting to cry because I just want to sleep.

She naps 2-3 times for an hour max but I can't nap then as I have 2 other kids to look after.

I did the Edinburgh test as mentioned by a pp and scored a 10. Not sure what that means though!

I am thinking of sleep training in a months time as I can't go any longer like this. I really don't want to but don't know how else to improve her sleep.

I have even thought about giving up breastfeeding and wonder if a bottle will help.

Could she be overtired? Try putting her down in her cot every 1.5-2 hours for a nap.

Bottle feeding will only help in that someone else can do some nights- is that an option for you?

Try a sort of schedule like the below;

7.00am wake & feed, change & play
8.30am down for nap
9.00am wake, play, feed, change
11.00am down for nap
11.30am wake, play, feed, change
1.30pm Down for nap Etc throughout the day.

5month olds generally need to sleep every 2 hours and in the morning probably only have 90 minutes before they're tired. Adjust schedule depending on when she wakes from nap. It's best to put her for a nap where she sleeps at night. Have a ritual like change, sleeping bag, feed then put down or whatever works to get her to sleep.

She should wake from her last nap around 4.30/5pm

In the evening start winding her down around 6.15pm with dimmed lights, a cuddle and story, 6.30pm bath & massage with the aim to be asleep by 7/7.30pm

Ensuring she gets enough sleep during the day should make for more sleep at night. Try introducing a dummy if she doesn't have one. And go to bed at 8pm yourself.

How old are you other two? If they're school age, hopefully the load will lighten a tiny bit if they're going back to school/nursery soon.

Do you also get help from a partner? Even though you're at home, I hope they are helping you do a lot of the work, shopping, cooking, cleaning etc?

I think the build up of lack of sleep is the worst thing. It may be that you just have a non sleeper and all the routines in the world aren't going to help. In which case what got me through with mine was switching an evening feed to bottle of formula and going to bed 8 till 11. DH did whatever he could to keep dc asleep and knowing that they were safe and fed I was able to get a good chunk of sleep as the brokenness is awful. Could anyone do that for you. Or hold baby in the day for a couple of hours and you can have a nap? I do think this time is the worst. People have forgotten to help as they think you're settled but youve never been more tired.

I don't know if you have pnd and whether that's complicating things, speak to your HV, they can help find out what's going on and access some help.