I'm sick of being 2nd - discuss!!

[perhapstomorrow]

I'll admit that my kids come first. DH wants to spend a bit of extra cash on us going away and I'd rather spend it on the family. He's stormed off with the words "I'm sick of being 2nd". I feel a bit annoyed. What do you think. Should your dc come first?

DH always puts me first, and tells the kids to as well.

Yes I don’t think you can always sacrifice your relationship for the DC. Sonetinrs it’s good have some time just the two of you and I can understand his frustration if that doesn’t happen.

I think I would be ok on spending money on us if my dc had a good summer. But we've been on a really tight budget up until now so we've hardly done anything with them. Perhaps I've got my priorities all wrong!

Think of it as an investment in the relationship, and the DC will benefit if their parents love each other and stay together. If DH is feeling neglected, that doesn't do the family any good.

My parents told me I came second. Then they got divorced. So that was a head fuck.

My kids come first.

Children’s needs come first but not necessarily their wants. One of their needs, if their parents are together, is parents in a strong loving mutually supportive relationship.

Will they go without food or clothes if you and your husband have a romantic night or weekend away? If not then why don’t you want to spend time just the two of you? If you think his budget is extravagant could you have suggested a cheaper alternative rather than just shutting him down?

Of course you want to spend time and money doing nice things with your DC but one day they’ll grow up and leave home and you want to still have things to talk to your husband about, have places you want to go, things you want to do. If you choose not to bother investing in your marriage when there are ways of doing so while your DC are at home, it might not be there once they’ve left.

My dds come first, then me, then dh.

Dhs priorities are himself, me and kids on an even keel.

That’s why he’s last on the list of my priorities 🤷🏼‍♀️

DC should always come first but I think it's important for you & DH to make quality time for each other as well.

Annelovesgilbert is very wise! What she said!

My DP put me second just once too often. We don't live together any more

50/50. When they're tiny they come first obviously. You need to have a relationship after they leave home so it should gradually change.