Any ideas on how the hell I can rebuild my life

[onlyoranges]

Over the last 4 years I’ve hit a few bumps on the road. Had to give up my career through illness (now in remission), then lost my younger sister, my Dad and then my Mum (who was my best friend) one a year till last year. I so want to rebuild my life as left alone to my own devices I feel tbh like ending me (don’t mean to sound dramatic and self pitying) but I have dcs so that’s out of the question. I have had counselling, I have a life coach but nothing is moving me forwards. I just feel totally lost and don’t know how to start again, which is how I feel. I have no job, not great health and I’m really, really lonely as I’ve distanced myself from everyone. I volunteered then that shut down (nothing to do with me I don’t think, although with this run of luck who knows). I’ve joined clubs, classes, even met people off the internet! (Women, I’m married). But nothing is helping. Has anyone else been on the floor and just can’t get up? I really want to start living again but don’t know how to start rebuilding. Does anyone have any any advice? I keep thinking time but I can’t let the years go on living, no existing like this. Please can anyone help. Thanks

It sounds like you're doing what you should be doing which makes me wonder if you're actually depressed or if there's something physiological? Have you tried upping your exercise to see if that helps? If not, maybe visit the doctor and chat it through.

Maybe some excercise would be good. I’ve been to the GP. I have a cupboard full of pills to show for it.

That's a lot of loss - it will probably take a while to get over it - especially when one's mortality is confronted. I think the loss of career to illness is a huge deal - I relate. I'm unsure how to get back from that. I'm told to just keep going but it's a fight when one's confidence is shattered along with a pattern of consistent performance.

I relate to the distancing - I know it's not helpful and that I'm often better around people - but not always on a superficial level - somehow life can seem all meaningless and the shallowness pointless and vacuous. It's hard to find people who relate - and it's important to be able to be honest sometimes.

I realise now I'm more of an introvert and I like in-depth conversations and only with those who have had their lives turned upside down by events outside of their control.

There's a state - shattered assumptions - kind of describes what I have experienced

Think is, you have had a really shitty time and it is actually totally natural to be feeling super down in the dumps after going through so much and loosing so many people.

Hugs.

Time will help. As will finding small tings you enjoy.

Good luck xxx

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, if you keep on doing them then over time hopefully you will start to feel better. Currently we expect people to get over grief pretty quickly, historically it was accepted it could take several years. Don't be too critical of yourself, what you are experiencing sounds very normal.

Similar story here. Looked after my mum during terminal illness, made redundant, relocated, made redundant again, onset of debilitating chronic illness, relocated again, lost my dad.

I keep trying to pick myself with things like exercise, evening classes, new interests, trying to make friends. But something kept going wrong- exercise injuries, new friend relocating, course being cancelled etc.

So I’ve just put it all down to a run of bad luck. And now I tell myself it’s ok to sit on the floor if I can’t be bothered getting up. And I realise it’s quite comfortable here.

And since I’ve started doing that I’ve more energy. And since the start of this year, when a new crisis has come along e.g. FIL has terminal cancer. I actually have the energy to rise to that occasion.

So now I call down on the floor “energy saving mode”. And realise that lions sit around most of the time.

The quick way of putting that is, if stuck in quicksand, stop struggling.

Thanks so much for those replies. It’s so good to feel like I am not alone, sorry that people have gone through things though. I always thought of myself as a strong person, a fighter but as people have shown for some of us the bad stuff just keeps on coming. Maybe I am expecting too much. My default position is to set targets and go for them but maybe this time just getting through a day, a week is enough. It is so good to read so much empathy though. Thank you everyone I really appreciate your kind words.