13 yo DS - unchartered territory

[summerdrawstoclose]

Someone please talk me down.

13 yo DS is going as a foursome to watch a film with his GF (in loosest sense; they're at school together but whole relationship takes place via text!)) plus mate and his GF.

Was not easy for me to agree to him going but assumed it was all very sweet and would be good to loosen the apron strings a bit.

Anyway I just checked his phone and saw a conversation between him and GF "do you wanna talk about anything sexual?"...."does size matter?"...
Thankfully that's as explicit as it gets but I am horrified and petrified in equal measure! He's 13 FFS!

I know the way teenage boys minds work but to openly discuss these things at this age? Also I appreciate in this era of tech and social media it is all too easy to make throw away statements but can't quite believe the brass neck. Christ, just holding hands at 13 was a huge deal for me. No way would I have been openly discussing penis size with a boyfriend

So where do I go with this? Am so appalled am considering not letting him go to the cinema but don't think that is necessarily the best way to deal with this.

Feeling like I'm losing my boy

You arent losing him, but he is just growing up and this is all part of that. Dont ban him from going- I'm not sure why you were nervous about it in the first place. The stricter you are, particularly about minor things, will push him away. Keep communication open so he can discuss such things with you if he needs to.

Yes I know he's growing up and was only a bit unsure as he's never shown much interest in girls to date.

It was more the content of his texts that bothered me. Maybe I'm just an old fogey!

As the mum of 3 teenagers, yes this is normal at the later end of 13, year 9. I would still let him go as he hasn't done anything wrong, but I would have a conversation about taking/ sending/ receiving images online, this is way more common than you think even with younger teens. Nspcc has advice and videos you could get him to watch about this.

He's just about start yr 9.

Have spoken to him before appropriateness of what goes online; but am sure he thinks because it's in a text it's private
All I know is that if a boy had asked me about dick size at 13 I'd have run for the hills

I think if a boy/ man ever asked me that I’d run for the hills. As you seem quite strict with him (not being sure about the cinema at 13 seems odd) have you had conversations with him about respecting women etc?

I don’t think sexual interest is at all unusual at 13 but asking a girl about your dick over text sound unusual

To be fair all he asked was "does size matter" - no further detail. She then replied "yes"

Well at least he’ll probably not get it out now!

So he's only just finished year 8. Quite young then?
Dick size? Thinking it may be one thing, saying it in a text, or actually:

saying anything that you wouldn't want someone else to see, is the real thing you need to talk to him about. I think from your posts you already know that.

You're right Oblomov, and am sure her parents would be equally unimpressed

I actually think this is fairly normal for teens that age, I also think they are very brave on text and will probably be more shy and awkward in real life.

I would now start talking to him about respect, consent and not pressurising girls. How boys and girls are wired a bit differently and feel things on different ways emotionally.

This is an excellent video to watch and share with teens:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8

Apologies for all the swearing in the link...there is another one on YouTube somewhere without it