DS was so sad at his own lack of happiness to his great exam results that he cried. Please share your insights/experience.

[bagelbaby]

He got grades far better than expected. We were delighted and he seemed to be too. Later in the evening he came and sat with me and described how odd he felt because he wasn't euphoric like some of his friends were. It got him so upset he cried.

We talked about how huge anticipation can often result in a deflated feeling; about how relief can express itself in different ways.

I'm completely wrong-footed by his reaction and so want to help. Please would you share if you've experienced anything like this. Your advice is greatly appreciated

I think you explained it well- it can be an anti climax. That’s normal
I’d just keep telling him how proud I was of all the work he’s done and the fact that he’s done better than expected is awesome
It’s an emotional time ( going through similar here- dd got her gcse results too) and we can only support praise and encourage them

For me now it’s the next day we’re looking forward to sixth form/ college and talking about the next steps. Onwards and upwards

Maybe it’s a little bit of stress being released too. I read somewhere that we cry because it’s the bodys fastest way of getting rid of stress hormones.

Think you handled it beautifully. How is he today?

Well, unless he's genuinely depressed, I'd tell him he's under no obligation to be euphoric. If anything, I find it daft.

Maybe he's sad because he's leaving school? When I left school with good results, the feeling was bitter-sweet because I was proud (and so were my parents), yet I was going to leave what I knew to go to uni (I'm not in the UK), so the feeling was a bit ambiguous.

Maybe it needs time to sink in too.

Just tell him however he feels it's OK, because that's how it is, but that you're still proud of him.

I remember crying at my fantastic a level results, after the initial happiness had worn off. I remember blubbering " I don't know why I'm crying, I should be so happy

He's unsurprisingly not awake yet. Thank for your kind words and examples of feeling sad or nothing at good news. He says he feels numb.

It took my ds a week or 10 days to feel delighted and excited at his results, by which time most of his friends had come down from their excitement. Dh and I had to moderate our delight to match his, otherwise ds would have felt deeply uncomfortable. He was already perturbed by the flatness of his own response.

Some people just take a while to process their feelings. The emotions and stresses of GSCEs come in long waves with sharp peaks. By the time the results come through some kids are sick with anxiety, some are sick of it all and don't want to revive it.

We went out for dinner to celebrate ds's results, then 'parked' emotions until he was ready.

In some ways I feel so sorry for our kids. I think they have it far tougher than when we did O-levels.

I always take a while to process. I got excellent GCSE results and everyone present expected me to be jumping around in excitement- to the extent I actually had to fake it a bit.

It’s perfectly normal. And his friends may feel similar, but be simple doing ‘what’s expected’.

Leave him to process, and then have a celebratory dinner in a couple of weeks. :)

I wish I could show him your responses!

I was like that! It was more of a relief that it was over. I was expected to get great results and I got them so it was just an end to the anxiety!

My DD did better than expected (and was delighted) but for the past few years I've just felt there's pressure after pressure on her that I never had (in the, erm, 80's)

There's far more pressure on children theses days - SATs/GCSEs/A Levels/Uni/career. Then add in theory/driving tests, going for job interviews. Will they afford a car/house/pension.

Children are also under pressure from their peers to look right and talk right. Get invited tot he right parties etc

Your son is staring out in life and is probably really pleased but realises the pressure - he not a little boy any more but becoming a young man too. He's lucky to have a great family who support him.

I understand how you feel. My DD got her GCSE results yesterday too. She did so much better than expected. Got some great grades yet the only one she seemed unbelieveably happy about was the lowest grade. She got a 4 in French. She hated studying it and couldn't believe she had actually passed. It was the first thing she said when she opened the envelope.

Once we had arrived home we just all sat down and looked at each other and said "that's that then". She then went off to get ready to go out with friends. So glad it's all over.

Some people just don't wear their heart on their sleeve. We are not all the same and there's nothing wrong with a his quieter reaction.

It takes a lot to impress me. I just don't really get overtly excited about anything unless it's particularly outstanding or mind-blowing, especially if it's something I've personally achieved. I am convinced that if I won the lottery, I'd react with an 'oh that's really nice,'. It drives my partner mad as he thinks I am never happy! (I am!)
It's just the way some people are. It doesn't mean you aren't pleased or happy; it just feels odd to be very demonstrative about it, especially when it just feels like I'm doing what was expected of me.
Similar ?

If it helps I was the same when DH proposed!

It's very normal to feel a bit empty and weird just after getting news that they've been waiting for all summer.

Some people feel very happy straight away, others are slow burners. The relief and pride might hit him in little bits over the next few weeks.

I got fantastic GCSE results and was happy when I opened them then later felt really sad and empty - because getting them signified the end of a huge chapter of my life that I had loved.

Your replies and experiences are really helpful. It was his reaction to the fact he felt flat that was the hardest part; sobbing because he was joyful.
He worked hard and you feel some of the reward for that is the enjoyment of seeing great results.

I loved the 'felt like that when DH proposed' though!!

I felt exactly the same after my GCSE results (and a-levels, degree, professional qualifications). Whilst all around me were going bonkers, crying, jumping around hugging, I felt nothing more than a sort of quiet satisfaction. I can see how your son feels weird, especially in these days where the overt emoting goes on for days and days on social media too. But be reassured that it is normal especially for those slightly more introverted in personality and as pp says some of those participating are almost certainly just doing it to seem normal, so kudos to him for being honest and not faking to fit in!

The lack of strong emotion about my achievements doesn't seem to have stopped me from going on to success or happiness in life anyway!

I had weird results. I was expected to walk Maths with an A at O level. Got a B. Was expected to fail English got an A in language, U in literature. I felt queer all day as everyone around me was rejoicing.

I only came to appreciate them (well the A and B in core subjects) as i got older and needed to fill out CVs and course applications. Thats where you really do appreciate doing well.

Its fine to feel meh. Hope he can now look forward to his next choices of education or training and enjoy a stressfree last week of holidays. Well done him!

A few years ago my football team reached the FA cup final. Excitement reached fever pitch locally and my friends and I got tickets. Our team won and as we all shuffled back towards the station the opposing fans started yelling "what's the matter with you, you won the FA Cup?" and we realised we all felt quite down.

I think it's sometimes the case that the anticipation is far better than the event itself.

dds response was very muted when she first got her results. Sometimes we run out of capacity for more emotions I think.

The next day she was quietly delighted.

I remember feeling like this when I received my nursing 'final' results. (Nurse education was very different then and the letter came in the post) all my peers were euphoric but I just felt flat. Didn't know why .. I just did

I think some of it is that it makes the fact everything is changing a bit more real. Getting the results means you actually did finish high school and you actually have to go to college now. It can be overwhelming and can cause a shut down.