OH stayed out all night

[Mumwestyorks]

Hi
I just need some help to work out whether I’m over-reacting?
My OH has just rolled in at 7am after a night out with work. His nights out, while fairly rare these days, are a sore topic as he’s rubbish at staying in contact when he’s out (often reading messages but not reply or admitting later that he’d seen a missed call but ‘forgot’ to ring me back). I think it’s because of how drunk he gets.
Anyway I’d asked him in advance if he’ll try keep in contact this time if I message him and I also asked what time he thought he’d be getting home. He wasn’t happy to be asked and said ‘I don’t know, 3am, 4am, 5am?!’. My reaction when he said that should have indicated I wouldn’t be happy if he came in at 5am.... let alone the 7am he actually came home at?
I’m home with our 2.5yo and am 25 weeks pregnant with our second. So I realise hormones might be getting me more upset than I should be.
But I feel so cross and upset that he came home at that time? Am I wrong?
I feel cross as he knows my back is causing me massive pain (due to pregnancy) and I’d already stressed to him about how worried I was about managing today with our toddler. And he comes home at the time our toddler wakes?! So now he’s going to spend all day in bed?
He also virtually crossed paths with his older daughter (my stepdaughter) who was getting up to go to work..! Which is cringey.
Anyway, am I being over the top?

Yabu to let him stay in bed all day! I'd give him until lunchtime, then wake him up, plonk the toddler on him and tell him he's in charge while you nap / go out or whatever. DH and I have both had (separate) nights out since DS was born and although we do cut each other a bit of slack in terms of lie-ins, we certainly don't stay in bed all day afterwards.

The cool wives on these threads make me laugh.

It's not acceptable. Maybe with prior agreement it would be slightly better but to just fuck off and absolve himself of family responsibility is just shit.

He obviously has form for this and I imagine OP that you get a sense of stress and anxiety before he goes out (and you know he'll go incommunicado, get home very late and be a wreck the next day)

It's no way to live. Even if it's rare!!!

When do you get to have 12 hours off OP?

With a bad back and a toddler to care for, he should be more considerate.

What would he normally be doing today? At work or home on leave?

I find it depressing that so many people think the OP is being unreasonable.

Of course she isn't. OH and I have never and would never pull that kind of stunt on each other. Surely you get this kind of behaviour out of your system before having children?

When either of us have had late nights like this it has been preplanned and with overnight accommodation, so no-one is sitting there worrying.

It is inconsiderate and disrespectful to treat your loved ones like this. However, I don't get why partners have to message each other all the time while on a night out.

Given that he is out until 6 am I wonder if drugs are involved.

He would normally be at work - it’s not a day off, to my knowledge. It tends to be a bit flexible at his work, if it’s been a work night out. So I suspect once he’s up, he’ll need to go in. Tho I doubt he’ll be safe to drive for most of the day....

And he will be driving to work ?

I don't think yabu at all! Even if you weren't pregnant with a toddler I wouldn't expect my DH to stay out all night unless it was a pre arranged thing. There's nights out and nights out and to me it's unnecessary to be out till 7! I sound like a total killjoy, maybe it's so long ago since I did it I don't remember the fun of it!

You know what we have a general rule in our house. Is it 2am? If yes your at home with your dw/dh and kids. We do not need to be out all night without each other, drunk and god knows where. Unless away for the night somewhere prearranged we always come home from a night out. We aren't students anymore and no one needs to still be out at 7am! In saying that We live in ni where everything basically ends at 1am! Plus we have 4dc and never actually go out! YANBU it would really make me wonder what on earth he was doing to that time.

7am on a Thursday night.

Never understood how people can stay in a club until 6am unless drugs are involved.

He doesn't know who he was there with??

YABU - you say the nights out are rare so what's wrong with a blow out once in a blue moon? I've once or twice had a night out in a club and got home at 6am. DH perfectly happy to have been home with DS! It doesn't make me a bad person. And absolutely no drugs, gambling or other men involved. Just a bloody good night drinking and dancing!
I do think a text to stop you worrying should have been sent though

Never understood how people can stay in a club until 6am unless drugs are involved

It's totally doable without drugs, I've stayed awake for over 48 hours at Glastonbury festival and Ive never taken drugs. Was quite a bit younger then but I could still stay awake till 7am whilst drinking just wouldnt want to anymore.