How do you stop procrastinating, become motivated, organised etc?

[Luckynumberthree]

I have lots of plans, things I want to do. I want to sort out the house, get healthier, find a new career but day in day out I'm just overwhelmed, drowning in getting the basics done. It feels like I struggle through the day and am too exhausted to do any of the stuff I intend to that would actually make a difference. I have zero motivation, everything just seems too much and pointless.

If there is something coming up, even if I have weeks notice guaranteed I realise the night before or on the day that I'm totally disorganised. I never learn from it though.
Is anyone else like this or used to be but changed.

I don't think I'm depressed but am getting some treatment for mh. (anxiety mainly). I don't have a hard life compared to many but this just makes me feel guiltier for not managing better. I feel foggy most of the time, struggle to articulate myself well. I'm also irritable, snappy and a bit teary at times. Turned into a ramble now...

Firstly, please know you are not alone, you’re not incapable and you’re not pathetic, or any of those other defeating adjectives you might be aiming at yourself right now.
Second, I’ve felt all of those things twice before: once when I had the implant for birth control and it made me feel awful - depressed and useless. Second time was very recently and turned out to be significant iron deficiency. So even though you have some mental health issues, please get your physical health checked too (and use the health boards on here to help you know what ‘normal’ can/should be and when you should challenge your GP.
On the feeling disorganised, I’ve actually taken a different approach the last few days. Instead of looking at everything and feeling bad because I haven’t got it all done, I’ve picked a couple of things that feel hard, really analysed why that is, and worked out ways to change them that will make them feel easier going forward, and therefore l as likely that I will avoid doing it. It’s been very freeing taking that different viewpoint.

I’m pleased that I get the basics done - full day at work, pack lunches everyday, dog walked, meal on the table, house clean and tidy. It’s important to me that my ‘me’ time is my book and my knitting; really gives me a good feeling and so reduces my feelings of anxiety.

But that little extra can in the long term just make that big difference. So I have ‘one’ big project on the go at a time which I break down into SMART tasks - Small, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Targets. At the moment I’m looking for a permanent job so printing out an job spec will be a task for one day.

I will have days when the basics are enough. I’ve given up being superwomen, it’s a con.

Thanks for replys. Lots of useful things. Will have a think about physical stuff, it is possible. I think the project approach and SMART thing could work really well. Maybe I get more done than I realise. I just feel I hit a brick wall and can't function anymore. Eg. I just can't do one more thing in the evenings so go to bed even if the house is a tip but then am annoyed that I can't be one of those 'don't go to bed til everything is done' people.

I was sorting through some paperwork and old course notes and realised there is no way I have the brainpower or energy to engage in another course or new career.

I know where you're coming from. I manage to get through the day, giving what's needed to my job and my DD but then it's like I'm physically and emotionally drained. I just lie on the sofa and then bed.

I want to get healthy, I want to sort the house out, I want to do a lot of things and have all these grand ideas about getting it done; but the reality is that I don't.

OP thank you for creating this post. I feel exactly the same as you

Sorry, that's no help - but wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Is this new OP or have you always been this way? I thought I suffered depression and anxiety meaning I procrastinate (can’t fail if I never start), lose focus half way through making a cup of tea etc.
Someone on another thread mentioned ADD and how often it’s misdiagnosed in women as anxiety/depression. I’ve started reading around it and had a massive lightbulb moment. There are lots of coping strategies online and it’s made me more patient with myself, ‘It’s ok, keep going, you probably have ADD, it’s going to be hard..’ self talk, rather than ‘Jee, you can’t even.. how shit are you?!’

On orange is the new black, they all go on about ‘eat the frog’ which means doing your worst job first thing, this can help you feel accomplished and stop procrastination. There’s a book I think.

You sound like me (I suspect ASD and in any case most definitely know that I have too much on my shoulders) and also sound like my friend who’s going through an ADHD diagnostic process right now. Be aware that even if you’re neurotypical and also completely physically healthy, there’s still such a thing as simply having too much on your plate. I’m in the same position and am really struggling with it right now

I’m just like this OP. Have a look at this funny unofficial test for ADHD in adults OP.

If any of it strikes home, then have a look at this thread I started recently

I’m like this. I’m worse when I eat badly (not unusual because most of the time I can’t be bothered with decent meals breakfast and lunch and just end up eating toast)
And when I’m on my phone for too long!
I have phases when I skip breakfast, go for a long walk, come back and get on with stuff before having my first meal which will be a healthy lunch.
I’m much more productive and less foggy on those days.

Like pp I congratulate myself for doing the basics. Sometimes just showing up is a win.

I used to have "to-do" lists with a huge number of tasks on, but they were so off-putting. Now I choose 3 main tasks to focus on and everything else has to wait.

Instead of choosing tasks based on what I "should" be doing, I made a list of what would make me feel nice.

e.g. I used to think: "my house is a shit tip - I should feel ashamed of it, here are 30 things I need to do that I cannot even afford". Now I try to reframe it like: "I'd feel good if I kept a basic standard of cleanliness, also I'd like to paint the kitchen and declutter the cupboard". When those are done I move on to the next thing.

This video might be helpful too OP

I have no answers, but I feel exactly the same. I have always been disorganised and messy and only getting things done at the last minute in a state of panic. I also absolutely recognise the feeling of being exhausted, overwhelmed and drowning in just getting the basics done. My house is a shit tip which DH is always complaining about, but I barely ever get more than the basics done, sometimes not even them. I feel terrible about this but can't seem to change. I do have a physically and emotionally demanding job which means I am out of the house from 6.30am until at least 9.30pm, and, although I know I should, I can't make myself tidy or do any housework other than put a load of washing on when I get home from that, but it is only part-time so I don't have that excuse everyday. I also have 2 DC, one of whom does not usually go to sleep until after 9pm but needs someone to sit next to her until she does fall asleep so I don't get any evening even when I not at work. I am currently doing a course at work that has deadlines, and I know I will procrastinate until the last minute and then panic that I can't get the work done. Like a PP, I want to turn into one of those people who doesn't go to bed until everything is done, but I can't do it.
I have had depression before (years ago, before job/ DC/ marriage), and I know I am not depressed. I am just shit at getting on with life like a functioning adult.
The only thing I have done recently to try and motivate me to do stuff sounds ridiculous. I have a list of my phone of stuff that needs doing around the house on a daily/ regular basis and give myself a point for each one I achieve each day. I give myself an extra point for other tasks that are scary/ time-consuming (going to the dentist, making an important phone call, doing work for my course) and I get a bonus point on a work day because then there isn't time to do much other stuff. It is like a reward chart, except there is no actual reward, not even a sticker. Hopefully I can also get some ideas/ inspiration from this thread. Otherwise I will just read it while procrastinating!!

JiltedJohnsJulie brilliant YouTube video...so funny!

I'm like this.
Horrendously disorganised, although i have worked really hard at it and am much better. I too feel very guilty at not being more productive, and also guilty for feeling miserable sometimes when I have it so easy compared to so many others!

I think I'll be doing OK, and then I'll realise that I've dropped the ball on something important/costly. (eg, forgot to give enough notice to DD's nursery of when she was starting school, costing me several days of childcare I don't need and wont use!)

Weirdly, I can be quite good at organising "things". Like a project at work. I think this is precisely because it doesn't come naturally to me that I have had to develop techniques and made myself really understand concepts of critical paths etc, whilst perhaps someone who doesn't struggle with organisation would be more complacent and assume that all techniques are stating the obvious.

I'm also fucking fantastic in a crisis. Which sounds like boasting, but I am. Especially if something bad has happened; I get incredibly focused on who needs to be informed, how to spread the word to those I have no contact details for, what needs to be done practically, transport arrangements, emergency childcare, who needs what support etc etc. I find it easier to cope with bad news if I can be busy too.

But being organised in my personal day to day life? I'm terrible.

Things that help me:
Everything must be written down on the calendar in the kitchen as well as saved on phones etc.
It needs to be done as soon as something has been booked, not left until later in case I forget.
I will not remember that family are visiting on that weekend in October nor that dh is away with work the next week etc etc and its no use being in dh's phone if I can't see it when I need to! I find it far easier to visualise somehow when its on a physical calendar than when its kept digital.
I have forced myself to get in the habit of checking the calendar every morning as part of my morning routine. I miss far fewer dentist appointments this way!

Also, I try not to take on more than what I can cope with. This is hard as I always want to say yes to stuff and can be quite unrealistic about what I can do.
I get dh to take on his share. eg his family are lovely, but Christmas presents and Birthday cards for them is dh's responsibility not mine. I tell dh when I am struggling and when I need him to do more.

One more thing which I need to do (but have not been good at recently) going to bed early so that I can wake up refreshed with lots of time to get ready and out in the morning. Instead of dragging myself out of bed, with half an hour to leave the house, feeling like shit.

It is funny isn’t it bionic?

I think I just need to stop procrastinating and go to the GP and talk about a referral for diagnosis...

JiltedJohnsJulie That video!!
(A lot of things resonating...)

I started bullet journaling. My current method is very different to the proper one, but that’s why I like it, you can evolve it to suit. Basically you plan out your week, have a task list, have a future list of events things to do, and use it as a record of everything. It’s indexed so you just use the next page and write down what you need to. Anyway, the reason I like it is because you get everything out of your head and into a page. You rewrite your to do every week which eventually becomes annoying if you don’t do them. In which case you do them or ditch them. There’s a official website and tonnes of Pinterest and Facebook pages

Squishy-I am also great in a crisis-rubbish the rest of the time. I'm just so avoidant in personality and I'm getting worse.
But give me a crisis and I'm great. And I feel great when I've handled something well. But I can't seem to translate that in to normal life.
I'm honestly quite worried myself.

Following and sympathising!
I wasn't always like this.
Now I have health problems and struggle so much with motivation. I spend hours reading articles on organising and motivating, I'm on several FB groups for housework and never get round to putting things into practice.
I don't work so there's no excuse.

@cherrytree63 I can be like this too. One tip I found recentlyvwas to put the timer on for 15 mins and do as much as you can. Then take a break. They suggested 15 but I actualky take 30. It does seem to make it more manageable and you only have to do it really a once or twice a day to start making a difference.

@TheLastNigel, that’s me you’re describing there. I’ve spent years wondering what’s wrong with me. When I stumbled over the ADHD stuff I felt like at lady, someone else knew what I was going through and why sone things are so hard.

Bit is it possible that it's been latent until recently? I never used to be this bad (though it's always been there to some degree)

I not know sorry Nigel, I’m just a teething the beginning of reading up on it for myself. Do you think it would be worth looking into more?