Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

'You're only pregnant'

22 replies

Imsallyb · 23/08/2018 20:53

Hey everyone,

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first and I am reaching the end of my tether with my frustration.

All through out my pregnancy all I have heard from colleagues, friends and some family is the phrase 'you're only pregnant'.

What ever has happened good or bad this phrase has just been thrown at me continuously and it's really getting me down!

Yes I am 'only pregnant' but I could still have worked my job granted with more difficulty until they 'terminated my contract' as they couldn't afford to keep me on. Before that they were constantly criticizing my performance or general work ethic - despite my honesty of struggling with depression and the newly found struggles of that alongside throwing up, not being able to eat and generally being unwell (as I had extremely low vit D and low iron levels) extremely early on in my pregnancy.

Yes I'm 'only pregnant' but there are days where walking or getting up is difficult and painful depending where baby decides to sit/lie, sleeping is damned hard even with the pregnancy pillows because I have always been a stomach sleeper and I cannot do that now so it's near impossible to come by.

Yes I'm 'only' pregnant but that doesn't mean that arguments, distressing situations are going to be handled well by me - I'm going to get upset, I'm going to get mad and bite back, so please when you're asked by my husband to avoid these conversations that are petty and silly don't throw the 'you're only pregnant' phrase at me. I'm still petrified of losing this baby even though I'm in the 'safe' zone now.

I'm so frustrated guys, being pregnant was always something I feared and I never kept that a secret. I've found it hard with my mental health slipping and the increased anxiety of trying to look after myself and a life I'm growing adding to the pressure. Losing my job, the financial blow of it, swallowing pride and asking for help to be told you're 'only' pregnant sort yourself out.

Has anyone else had a similar thing? I lived in a world where I thought being pregnant was a magical, beautiful time to only find myself counting down the days in more excitement of no longer being pregnant than meeting the little life I'm working so hard to do right by...

OP posts:

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 23/08/2018 22:03

Honestly, no.

When I was pregnant it was me minimising the fact I was pregnant, not anyone else.

It’s difficult to judge from your post really but you clearly aren’t enjoying your pregnancy which some women simply don’t. Good luck with the last few weeks of it and everything beyond. Concentrate on yourself and look after you and the baby. “Don’t let the bastards grind you down”

iamaLeafontheWind · 23/08/2018 22:03

I hear you! Being pregnant is sodding hard work. As you know.

BeeFarseer · 23/08/2018 22:10

I had breast cancer and went through surgery, chemo, radiotherapy, the lot. My first pregnancy was so much harder to cope with compared to the cancer treatment.*

It might 'only' be pregnancy but you are allowed to feel shit.

*This was MY experience. I'm not claiming pregnancy is worse than cancer, before I start getting comments.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy

Stephisaur · 23/08/2018 22:11

My mum sometimes has to remind me that I’m pregnant, not dying 😂

It’s bloody hard work though. I have sciatica and my work chair isn’t exactly helping with that, so I’m on the verge of tears some days. Not to mention the fact that I’m a senior member of staff so my workload before maternity leave is ridiculous.

There’s no such thing as “only” pregnant. You are creating life and that’s an amazing thing. You can only handle it how you can handle it. Every pregnancy is different 💐

ViserionTheDragon · 23/08/2018 22:17

for you OP. Don't let them get you down. Are these comments coming from people who don't have children by any chance??

Reading your post, it sounds like you have been sacked while pregnant, is that right? It's illegal for employers to sack pregnant women, you might have a case for unfair dismissal.

Acitywallandatrampoline · 23/08/2018 22:20

I hate this "only pregnant" phrase. Your body undergoes immense change and many people suffer. My first I had hyperemesis (literally couldn't do anything) then SPD and high blood pressure plus gestational diabetes. It was not a walk in the park by any means. Having suffered a serious illness before that, I struggled with pregnancy a hell of a lot more. Which of course is my experience but yeah, tell them where to stuff it!

Pissedoffdotcom · 23/08/2018 22:23

I'll be totally honest, before baby number 3 i was of that mindset - because 1 & 2 were such a breeze. I had no symptoms, i didn't get big...i waltzed round the zoo for 4 hours with my toddler at 7 days overdue with number 2, no worries.

With DS (now 9 weeks old) i struggled massively from the start. I spent the first month doing as little as possible because i was knackered (anaemia) & could barely move without vomiting. I got SPD so couldn't walk, i was bloody huuuge...every symptom i avoided the first two times hit me like a tonne of bricks. Never again will i ever think 'oh fgs you're pregnant not ill'

I think sometimes people - like me - never had any difficulties. Some have never been pregnant. And then you get some folk who just like to be bellends!

backstreetboysareback · 23/08/2018 22:28

Have you thought about asking from input from a perimental health midwife?
If you are feeling like this and struggling like this in pregnancy it would be better to get some support in place before baby arrives and it gets more challenging.
From day 1 life with kids throws all kinds at you and it sounds like you could really use the support.

backstreetboysareback · 23/08/2018 22:30

And please don't think that's me being a bellend. I'm currently pregnant with dc3, I've also got a 3 and a 5yo to look after, I work full time and I have a spinal cord injury. And I don't feel like that about pregnancy. Everybody is different, I'm just putting it in perspective that maybe you do need some more support

Original poster

Imsallyb · 23/08/2018 22:46

I see a mental health specialist midwife and have a family support worker - 100% doing what I can where I can.

As for work they got away with it by the skin of their teeth unfortunately...

A lot of these comments are coming from women who have kids specifically older mature women who all seem to have had lovely, perfect pregnancies. While being pregnant, losing my job, getting married, family disagreements, there's been lots of stress.

It's not so much the pregnancy that's been hard more the attitudes towards me struggling and admitting it - any small comment I've made like 'tired today' or 'looks like I cant do this today' is met by the 'get over it, grow up, stop complaining' yet I've continued to do absolutely everything since being pregnant regardless of how hard it has been mentally or physically. The phrase you're only pregnant is just ticking me off now - I'm aware im lucky to be and its a wonderful opportunity that not everyone can experience, im truly grateful.

OP posts:

Camomila · 23/08/2018 22:50

I was lucky as everyone was supportive but I found being 'only' pregnant dreadful, and I only was 27/28 and in perfect health before hand.

I couldn't keep anything down for about 6 months and kept getting utis. I kept fainting, then my placenta was in the wrong place, then my platelets, then I was measuring small...It was awful.

IME childbirth/bfeeding/having a out of me baby in general was much easier.

backstreetboysareback · 23/08/2018 22:58

Oh op I do hope it gets easier for you it can't be easy in the heat either.

Dilemmacentral · 23/08/2018 23:00

I experienced the polar opposite.

I was constantly having to remind people that I was only pregnant and not an invalid.

toomanychilder · 23/08/2018 23:03

Well it can be rude, sure, but you do sound a bit like you think being pregnant is some kind of get out of jail free card? You know like when people are really rude and blame it all on pregnancy hormones?

enbh · 23/08/2018 23:12

Pregnancy is hard, you are allowed to feel like crap and complaining is your absolute right! Some people have difficult pregnancies, some not so much, but nobody should trivialise it!

Good luck for the next few weeks and it'll be here in no time!

Original poster

Imsallyb · 23/08/2018 23:16

I dont mean for it to sound like a get out of jail free card at all that's not what I meant.

The expectation to be glowing, happy and enjoying verses the guilt of feeling low and struggling.

I'm not going to be able to explain this properly

OP posts:

toomanychilder · 23/08/2018 23:17

sorry, didn't mean to sound mean. just how it came off a bit

LittleBirdBlues · 23/08/2018 23:24

For what it's worth, I don't like being pregnant either. I don't mind giving birth and have done it three times without pain relief - but pregnancy is really hard for me. The sickness that lasts for months, tiredness, PGP, the heartburn - I find it so debilitating. You have my empathy.

For me personally, life with a newborn (my youngest is 3 weeks today) is much, much easier than being pregnant. I have more energy, am less tired, and I have my gorgeous little baby to look at which makes it all worth it.

I hope it gets easier for you too when the baby arrives OP.

SussexTee · 24/08/2018 08:52

I experienced the polar opposite.
*
I was constantly having to remind people that I was only pregnant* and not an invalid.

^ this 🤷🏽‍♀️

SoyDora · 24/08/2018 08:56

I must be very lucky as I’m on my third pregnancy and no one has said anything like this to me. In fact I find that people often tell me I can’t do things because I’m pregnant, when I’m perfectly willing and capable of doing them!

ToastyFingers · 24/08/2018 09:03

I had awful pregnancies, I really did, so I feel for you, but did you really get your husband to tell people to be extra nice to you?

That's a bit too far imo. Your clearly having a tough time and not enjoying pregnancy but the world won't slow down for you no matter how much you want it to. I had hypermesis, vertigo and all sorts so I know how difficult it is but to be honest, if people are telling you all the time to stop complaining, then either everyone you know is horrible, or you should maybe ease up on the complaining.

CherryPavlova · 24/08/2018 09:06

I tend to cluck around expectant women in my team - not wanting them to do especially long hours or be away too many nights close to the birth etc. They always tell me they are pregnant not ill.
What I don’t do is lower my expectations of work quality because someone is pregnant. It does sound like you wanted dispensation because you weren’t very good at the job before you got pregnant and say this was because of depression. I would fall over backwards to support a member of staff with particular needs but reasonable adaptation can only go so far and you still need to be able to deliver the job.

I suspect colleagues got a bit fed up doing your work for you and sorting out your muddles, to be honest. If you complain constantly about the normal symptoms of pregnancy (which can be tough but aren’t uncommon) then people will get bored of listening.

Good you’ve got support from the midwifery team. I don’t think anyone expects constant sunshine but continual rain is a bit off putting.

Flip