My autistic DD is too scared to wash her hair!

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My DD (12) has autism and her heightened anxiety now means that she is too afraid to wash her hair. Baby shampoo doesn’t work as her hair is quite thick and it just leaves a big, tangled mess of hair. That then leads to even more tears as I try to de tangle it without hurting her head. As you can imagine, hair washing is a stressful time and I’m desperate to find a better, calmer way for her to wash her hair. I’ve tried goggles without success and a hair shield (too small) suit I would love to find some shampoo that doesn’t sting so that she can be a bit more independent for her sake, as she is growing up.

Has she tried lying on her back in the bath? Just lie back and submerge head up to the hairline so her face stays out of the water then use a hand towel to sluice the water backwards when sitting up. No water on your face at all then.

Short haircut for a start.

Then could you teach her to wash her hair by sitting at the sink in a chair or on a stool the way you do at the hairdressers?

Maybe one of those old school shower attachments that you hook up to the bath taps would give her more control. You could put the taps on low so there is less spray.

What part of washing her hair does she not actually like? the shampoo in her hair, the water etc etc
does she have a tv program she likes watching? does she just need distracting so you can get on and do it. Maybe a lap top in the bathroom whiles shes sat in her cossie with her hair over the bath watching her program?

Could you look somewhere like lush? They do shampoo bars, maybe they will be better? And she might enjoy the experience of choosing the shampoo.

I have very thick, prone to big tangles hair - I've got a big wide toothed comb that I go through it with when I've put the first lot of shampoo on. Or you can get tangle teasers - which are a sort of brush thing.

How would she feel about sitting with her back to the bath while you washed her hair backwards so to speak ? - the hair naturally falls away from the face that way, and also if you use a jug rather than a shower attachment you can control the water flow more - and stop if she wants a break, and you can direct it so it doesn;t go in her eyes. Then with her hair stilll dangling over the bath, wrap it up in one of those towelling turban things so it's not flopping about wet round her face and shoulders.
Maybe ear plugs would help as well - the kind you have for swimming - it isn't a nice feeling getting water in your ears.

Hi Retreat, I had a similar situation with my asd dd. She absolutely could not tolerate water on her face or in her eyes. After trying many positions in the shower, we ended up with her looking up at the ceiling, while I took the shower hose out of the holder and washed her hair. A brilliant tip that helped us hugely is to use 2 in 1 shampoo and then put conditioner on the ends of her hair while the shampoo is in. This means you just have to rinse once! We also used a hair oil before the detangling ordeal.

As an add on to what Pebblepicker has said - you can get leave in conditioners too, which might help with the tangles, and you don't have to wash it out (I use it for my hair and I get it from Avon)

If you don't have a tangle teaser brush, then invest in one. They're gentle but unbelievably effective.

I have this with DS1. He has long hair and it's a battle keeping it clean. He's 19 so I can't really drag him to get it cut. He is autistic.

I have ASD and I was a bit grubby as a teen because I hated washing my hair and getting my face wet. I’m 28 now and still get really panicky and tearful if I get my face wet; walking in the rain without an umbrella is impossible. I can shower if I look up with my back to the water and I 100% recommend a tangle teezer brush.

I did have a thing for DD when she was younger which is like a hat brim - you put all their hair above it and the brim protects their eyes and face.

www.boots.com/nilaqua-rinse-free-shampoo-cap-10219520

Never tried these but wonder if they might work in this situation?

The detangling sprays also help a lot with tangly hair, I wish they were around when I was a kid.

DD is 7. We use dry shampoo and then it's only a rinse in the shower and leave in conditioner after. She holds a dry facecloth over her eyes while she is in the shower.

@ThisIsNotARealAvo I remember a gadget like that from childhood - we called it a halo!

As previous posters have said a Tangle Teezer will help they do ones specifically for use when wet

wet tangle teezer

The some leave in conditioner.

For shampoo try a sulphate free shampo.

The natural brand Jason do a banana shampoo aimed at kids which I use on my long hair, I don’t condition but spritz with detangler after and it combs through fine. It doesn’t sting the eyes or smell strongly.

Lots of a really good conditioner like Frizz Ease and a tangle teaser.

My dd hates having her hair washed (not asd) , but will use the fun stuff from lush (it's called fun and it's sort of bath playdo/soap/shampoo and it makes bubbles and colours the water) and then lies back to rinse so none goes on her face. Her hair is manageable afterwards too without conditioner which it isn't usually with just shampoo. Expensive though!

eye shield

Is this any use OP?

Five- that stuff smells amazing, too!

Op- the Child's Farm shampoos don't sting eyes (I think?) and are more robust than baby shampoo.

Just a thought from a fellow tangled hair person - I don’t use shampoo as it dries out my hair, seems to turn it straight into a birds nest and makes it hard to get a comb through even when wet. I wash with conditioner instead - wet hair and then use a generous blob of conditioner, work into the scalp and use a wide toothed comb to gently comb through (start st the bottom of the hair and then work up) with the conditioner still on, then rinse. My hair is dry and curly so I then condition again and rinse through, if it isn’t dry and curly just the one condition might be enough.

Whyhellodaffodil

I cowash too! I have very curly hair but tend to blow dry it straight. I was worried that it would be a greasy mess cowashing and wearing it straight but you’d never know I don’t use shampoo.