Just need a chat

[Newlea]

Hi, just need someone to chat with. I feel quite down and have called most people on my contacts list and haven't either been able talk to them or had very short conversation. I just need to vent. Everyone in my social.circle and family are too busy for me. I wanted to visit someone or invite someone over for the coming weekend..but everyone is busy. I would like some human connection. I just need someone to say they hear me.

I'm here if you want a chat

Thank you San. That is so kind of you. How has your day been?

I have been spending my day thinking how fickle people can be. They throw out invites all the time and even sound disappointed that I haven't visited them. Then when I say I can, they are all busy.

I know the feeling Newlea. Sometimes we are overwhelmed, not wanted to burden anyone with it all but just needing to hear a friendly voice for a chat and to feel more normal/distract etc.

Several times everyone I knew, friends and family were away or indisposed for one reason or another and I have felt like I was slipping down into a dark place, rapidly. It's awful.

I get that you need to connect with someone. Can you phone a help line [Samaritans/Mind] and talk, get things off your chest? Is there a drop in centre of any kind nearby? Can you e mail someone and express yourself in that way?

I've had a pretty good day so far - been out for a long walk with the baby this morning and have just been getting on with a few jobs this afternoon. I'm definitely enjoying the cooler weather!

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to make plans to see people. What's everyone been saying?

I know about the invites too. I had a 'friend' who lived in 3 different countries and said I must visit and have a holiday. Twice I took her up on it [in a letter/e mail]. Twice she went silent for many weeks and didn't mention it again.

Now is an ex-friend, after saying something awful about my ex husband who she only met 2-3 times, and is a decent bloke who I have no real problem with. Excuse me invading your convo...

Not at all beachcomber**. Good to hear others' experiences. That is what I want. To express myself and hear others' thoughts. It is a basic human need to connect.

Oh everyone has plans. Busy ...I think there is a bit if laziness wondering if they need to host, clean house, etc. But I also think they have their own circles (this includes my family - we are not close) and can't be bothered with me.

Good to hear, San.

How old is your baby, San? You seem to be enjoying the baby stage. That is very nice.

Hi newlea, I understand your frustration. Are you single? I'm divorced and live alone. I do have a few friends and they are quite supportive. I'm unemployed at the moment so a lot of time alone. Feel free to pm me x

He's five months now - it's flown by! Yes, I really am enjoying the baby stage, but I am lucky as he's ever so good on the whole. I know it's not like this for everyone!

I can see why you're hurt that no one can see you this weekend - that's pretty crappy. Are you in the position to host? As you say, it may well be that people don't want the hassle of having to tidy up, clean, etc. I know I've been guilty of this!

Thanks frustratedashell. I will do. I am not single. I was single for a while. But I am now married with 2 kids. I am thankful for my little family and good health and I do usually am up and about doing stuff. I work part-time as well. But somedays I feel very very down. I think if I had people I could other than my husband, it would help. Especially females. I would like a female connection. Those periods when my husband is working and I don't have anyone to reach out to ... well, those petiods are regular and I find them hard.

But it doesn't take a lot to make me feel good again. Just this chat has cheered me up a bit.

Sorry about all the typos!

Good to hear San. Yes I do host a lot. But my family won't visit me regularly even if I host. Maybe once a year is the limit.

I am hosting this weekend now.
My husband's family. They are nice. I should count my blessings.

Are you happy in your marriage ?

My family are the same! I live less than two hours away, but the way they go on about it you'd think I live on bloody Mars!

I get what you mean about the female connection. I'm pretty shy so don't have masses of friends, but my female friends are important to me. This might sound naff, but would you be able to join something like a book group or go to a regular exercise class? That would be a guaranteed slot where you'd be doing something for yourself and getting some company. Glad to hear that your DH's family are coming this weekend now - I hope that you all have a lovely time

I am, mostly. But I don't think marriage can be the be all and end all of life. You need a bit of everything. You need relationships outside of marriage that nurture you. Especially if both of you have busy careers. I lack that.

I agree newlea x

Hello, I know how you feel. I'm pretty lonely at the moment. Single, no family here and no friends in the city I live in. (I don't come from here and when my partner left, our friends were his first and left with him if that makes sense.)
Lost my job and at this minute am on my bed with the dog and a kidney infection! I'm going to get up and go to pick blackberries soon though. The dog likes me to pick them for her as I go along.

Hey, I'm here to chat for a bit x

Thanks everyone for your messages. Sorry for not getting back earlier. Had to sort out kids yesterday.

I haven't spoken to my mum in 4 months. A number of reasons. She never calls me. I always call her. She always defers to my sister and her DH as they are wealthier. She provides childcare for them and they do stuff in return. We live in a different country. I have noticed that she does whatever they say. But with me, she argues back, raises her voice and so on. I am on my own a lot as well since my husband travels for work. Even when she knows this, she will never call to check on me. So I stopped calling her.

I finally gave in and called her yesterday as I wanted to talk to someone in RL. She didn't ask about me, spoke about her life and then put the phone down saying my BIL was calling. I felt so hurt the whole evening. I vented to my DH. He tries to make excuses for my family.

Just so you have all the sides to this story, my mum has come over snd helped with childcare with mine a lot over the last 4 years. But they were difficult timed since she would keep complaining about my husband or say my husband is complaining about me. Tell me off for various things, keep moaning, etc. But she would still keep saying that she didn't want me to get a nanny as you couldn't trust them. Well I got a nanny now and family life is so much more peaceful. Also for the time she was here, we made sure she was comfortable, bought her lots of expensive gifts, clothes? Etc so she knew we appreciated her.

So I guess what I am asking is how should I manage my relationship with my mum so I am not hurt by her in the future.

Hi Newlea, sometimes you have to go low or no contact. Sounds like nothing you do is right or good enough. I'm sorry you're in that situation, but I think self preservation is key. You can't look after your DH and kids if you're feeling awful. You have to look after self yourself so you can give to them.
Sounds like getting a nanny was a great idea, well done for doing that against your mum's wishes. Hope that doesn't sound patronising.