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Original poster

Tips needed for when DH is working away

21 replies

TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:18

My DH will be working away soon only Mon-Fri, I know it’s not for long stretches of time, but it’s still a big thing for us.

I am after some tips and pointers as to how to cope )- we’ve never been apart from each other for more then a few nights.) and how it’s best to run home and the rent a room he is using.

So far I’ve got:
From Dad: make sure he tells you were the stop cock is
From Mum: make sure DH has 2 sets of work clothes, as you want to be doing the washing while DH is home over the weekend.
My request: We need to buy a lighter mower as the petrol one is just such a beast I can’t control it, and again I don’t want DH to have to do house stuff while he’s home.

FYI I’m off work with mental health issues, so happy to sort out the house, 13DS lives mostly with his dad, as they have just a had a baby so DS is loving playing the big brother role.

Anything you add would be amazing

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 23/08/2018 00:23

Can't he wash his own clothes? I'm not sure why that would fall to you to do? I think when he's back at the weekend he could still do a few tasks no?

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 23/08/2018 00:24

My DH is forces, so I've always been very used to him not being around. At times he's been away for 9 months at a atime, other times a week here or there, sometimes just a night or two a week.

I've always been pretty independent. It's allowed me to run the house the way I want, but has led to issues readjusting when he comes home!!

Sad as it is, I like jigsaw and puzzles, watching series he wouldn't like and reading. On nights he's away the girls and I watch girlie movies ,have popcorn and chats. Just daft stuff.

You might surprise yourself with his much you like having time just for you! The hardest part is the readjustment

Original poster
TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:32

Baby

While I’m off work then I think I should do all the house work, we would then both benefit from that when DH is home at the weekend. When I’m ready to go back to work then of course that will change, DH most definitely pulls his weight away the house and is not the type you need to ask, he just does it.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 23/08/2018 00:34

How far away I see he working?

C0untDucku1a · 23/08/2018 00:36

I did exercise videos every evening my dh worked away. Was tue-thurs.

Original poster
TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:38

Plat

I don’t know how you do it. Was your partner in the army when you met him? I never thought of the readjustment issues, we are moving the same week as he starts working away - typical! So I can see the house becoming more “mine” and DH not knowing where I’ve put things- maybe I turn that into a game.

Do you find you have make more of an effort in your relationship when he’s away? Like more phone calls when you can, that sort of thing.

I’m worried about DH getting lonely too

OP posts:
Original poster
TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:39

Green

3 hours. Thought we could meet half way some times, but I don’t think that would be possible when I go back to work because of my shifts

OP posts:
Original poster
TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:40

Count

That’s such a good idea, DH is such a feeder, give me chance to get back into shape!

OP posts:
ginandtonicformeplease · 23/08/2018 00:48

OP, we're the other way round - I'm away during the week and DH is at home. Communication is key. Internet calling means that you can talk for pretty much nothing.

Quite a random one but it works well for us - DH does online food order through the ASDA app, then when he's done I go in and check there's nothing missing that I'll want at the weekends.

Yoga classes when I'm away mean that I'm busy in the evenings, but I know they might not be your DH's thing!

Original poster
TweedAddict · 23/08/2018 00:54

Gin

I love your online shopping idea, it’s something I’ve never done but to get DH to add bits he wants, it sounds great definitely going to give that a go.

The internet/FaceTime calling always makes me look a bit.... well weird- I can’t take a selfie to save mylife. I don’t want to put off DH, seeing me looking like a puffer fish every time we speak- lol

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 23/08/2018 01:00

Tweed DH was in the Royal Navy when I met him, so we have always lived life this way!! He is coming out next year and I am a little apprehensive!!

The house we are in now I bought without DH even having seen it! Because we have always been this way it is easier/harder. I try not to be too much of a control freak when he comes home but it's always a bit tricky for a while. We have done it this way for 19 years!

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 23/08/2018 01:06

Phone calls are great! I find when DH is home we fall into a habit of sitting in front of the tv, whereas when he is away we actually talk on the phone!

Want2bSupermum · 23/08/2018 01:09

DH travels a lot. How I run things is to take his jobs and outsource them. I work FT so I'm not taking on everything. This isn't about hiring a cleaner but hiring someone to cut the grass, a handyman to do those small jobs around the house and having supermarket job done online so you don't have to think about how to get food into the house.

DH is on business and washes his clothes at the hotel. The laundry cost becomes a business expense, not paid for by ourselves. DH has a couple of prepacked suitcases. It makes life a lot easier to do it this way.

ginandtonicformeplease · 23/08/2018 01:15

Tweed FaceTime audio, not video! Like you, not a fan of selfies! I lived abroad pre-Skype and smartphones, and it was so difficult to keep in touch with then-boyfriend as phone calls were about £1/minute. Long distance is so much easier nowadays.

What I've found is that it's difficult at first, but you adjust and it just becomes new routine. If you can afford it when you go back to work, get a cleaner - it's not fair that you do it all and do you really want to spend weekends cleaning when DH is there?

starfishmummy · 23/08/2018 02:07

I know it from the other point of view in that I was the person who was away Mon- Fri.

Organisation is the key! Whether you use on line diaries or have your own paper ones and then transfer everything to the master at home - whatever works for you, but essential. Arrange things so its all easy - e.g. all bills at home paid by direct debit; and if he has to pay bills where he will be staying that applies to him as well. My situation was that work paid both my travel expenses and an allowance towards lodging so I kept all that separate - set up a second bank account, had a separate credit card for petrol.

I lodged/shared houses/rented somewhere alone over the 5 years I did it (3 different locations) so I could keep stuff where I was staying, do laundry there and didn't have to ferry clothes and toiletries around all the time.

Found it got difficult seeing people - dh could socialise with local friends and family in the week but I really only had Saturdays and Sunday lunch/afternoons. So weekends could be busy (busier than I wanted)!!

shortgreengiraffe · 23/08/2018 08:38

Hi OP.

My OH may be doing this soon so I am watching with interest but also sharing some things I've thought of already! Not tried and tested but food for thought.

  • could he work away Mon-Thurs and either do v long days or work at home on a Friday? 3 nights away and 4 at home feels better than the other way around
  • have 2 of certain things so he doesn't need to bring things home or unpack each time. Eg razor, phone charger
  • have a supermarket delivery the day/day before he comes home so the fridge is nicely stocked
  • buy a supermarket delivery plan and you can get a delivery to him in be week too.
  • plan things for yourself to do whilst he is away. Clubs are good as you're not relying on friends who may be flakey
  • see if there are any friends/neighbours you could do a skill swap with. Eg babysit for them in exchange for help when you need something doing round the house
  • outsource when you can even if it is just someone to mow the lawn
  • ignore the 'he should wash his own shirts' brigade. If you want to do this then do!
  • don't pack bag on Sunday as you'll both feel sad. Do it earlier and then enjoy the weekend.
  • watch TV programmes the other doesn't like when you're apart and save thing you both like until you're together.
  • keep in regular touch via WhatsApp and phone
  • if you can, eat together the day he gets home
  • consider how and when he will see friends at weekends
laurzj82 · 23/08/2018 09:20

OH has a job that means he is often away for months at a time. I would agree the readjustment is the hardest part. I quite enjoy the peace now Grin

shortgreengiraffe · 23/08/2018 13:38

I'd also suggest that you involve him in the new house as much as possible. Eg deciding where furniture goes or choosing new things/colours/plants for the garden. Even if he isn't overly interested, You want it to feel like his home.

Want2bSupermum · 23/08/2018 14:31

The other thing is that you need to keep your social life. Find someone who can watch the DC for you so you can do your 'thing'. For me, DH travels a fair bit over the weekends so I buy childcare with my gym membership. It's $20 a month and I leave the 3DC for an hour while I excercise. I also have a sitter who can watch the kids while I meet up with friends during the week. Just an hour or two makes a huge difference for me.

Original poster
TweedAddict · 24/08/2018 08:57

Thank you so much all, so many useful tips.

DH will be working loads when he’s away, he’s taking the opportunity of having evenings free and is going to do his chartership, which will put him in good stead for the future. He’s also talked to his work and they are happy for him to work some weeks mon-thurs depending on workload and then doing paperwork at home- I think that will be a huge benefit.

OP posts:
cheeseandpineapple · 24/08/2018 09:02

Set up WhatsApp groups for you and your DH and you and your son or for all three of you. You can post photos of your day for each other and random messages. I’ve got lots of groups set up with family and friends and it’s a great way to keep in touch with each other when you’re not together.

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