So incredibly down about this

[Darknessisaknocking]

This will be long... Basically I haven't slept properly in about 4 years. I can't remember when I have slept for more than 7 hours in a row.
I have 3 wonderful dcs , they are my world but they have all been awful sleepers. Before I had kids I was the sleepiest person I know, I loved it! My first in retrospect was actually pretty good, he woke regularly until 16 months and then slept through after sleep training. My 2nd almost finished me, he literally woke every hour/2nd hour screaming until 3, we explored every possibility, diet, routine, sleep consultant, every type of sleep training invented, nothing.nothing.worked.....
My 3rd was great initially and now at 16 months is waking 4 times a night. My dh is amazing and does everything he can , we made great progress initially as I began to wean him from bf as he was waking every 2 hours to feed. My dh would go to him and settle him and finally he was sleeping almost 6 hours in a row ( really massive improvement). BUT every time he cuts a tooth we are back to square one. He now has a cold and he has it for 5 days, he was up 5 times last night and every night before.
Even when my dh takes over I still wake when I hear him ( co-sleeping does not work, I'd love if it did but he wakes even more) . I am just so fed up of this shit. It's also compounded by the fact that everyone I speak to has babies who have slept from 3 months+ and sleep a billion hours a night. It's also crazy as my kids are all really energetic, early walkers (runners) and still sleep crap.
I feel like a shell of a person, I just don't get why I have such bad luck with sleep but I know that is a stupid question and people have it much worse. I am obsessed with sleep and I feel so alone. I adore my children and they are not getting the mum they deserve...
Thanks if you have read this far

Can you get some time away for a couple of nights or even more to recharge your batteries? Sleep deprivation is awful - I'm on day ten of not sleeping through the night for various reasons.

Shameless bump and I guess a question too, has anyone gone through something similar and managed to get back to sleeping ok again once their kids have slept through? My slept quality is destroyed from multiple night wakes..

no, sorry, my sleep is ruined forever, I think. I get 4-6 hrs/night nowadays. I function amazingly well on it, though. I can function on just 2 hrs.

It's a bit tricky at the moment with work commitments and dh's work and although it might help I have developed insomnia as a result and feel very anxious all the time...
I am just in a bit of a cloud and the days are so full-on and busy as I have 3 dcs to look after who are off school/playschool including the 16 month old night owl! I am just venting really as in RL people really don't relate to my experience of non-sleepers at all ...
I think there is always such a focus on newborns and how exhausted parents must be in that stage that it's just presumed it all gets easier whereas in my situation my dcs's sleep never improved, my 16 month old wakes up more than any newborn I know and I find this a lonely and frustrating place.

Maybe you can work on strategy to reduce the anxiety. Might be lots of self-help.
I'm not anxious. I just don't sleep.

Have you spoken to your GP about it? They might just give you something to help you sleep just to break the cycle. That worked for me when I was stressed and not sleeping well. Also meditation/mindfulness to help calm your anxiety.

They might give you, not might just give you

My kids are now 21 and 18 !! .. I put up with the fussy eating .. read stories .. loved playing .. but sleep is sacred to me .. you have to get tough OP ! When they were babies I was so soft ... couldn't do controlled crying.. broke my heart .. but enough is enough .. as soon as they were older we had bathtime, story, goodnight kisses ... then if you got out of bed 3 times and came downstairs... very light smack on the bum and back to bed .. no co sleeping .. no lights on ... they laugh now and still remember how vile I am without sleep !! Save your sanity OP ... these times will pass

Mine aren’t much better...someone at work recently said ‘oh, they must be sleeping by now’ as DSs are 2.5 and 5.5 and I laughed bitterly and said that between them we get about one undisturbed night a fortnight. But slowly it’s getting better now (at least they can both go overnight to my DM or DPIL occasionally). Hang in there!

Thanks for your replies and I will head to the GP to discuss options.
Alicatz66 I am sure that you meant well but your comments are almost identical to what I have heard before and tbh although well meaning are really unhelpful. If it were only that simple, I have no problem with cc after all options have been exhausted. Honestly with my 2nd child we had no choice in the end as they woke constantly and sure it might have worked at getting them to sleep but nothing and I mean NOTHING stopped them waking repeatedly at night. It took three years and suddenly they slept through, out of nowhere.
I think unless you have experienced this it's really difficult to relate as it probably seems like there is a very simple solution from the outside....

I can't help with your kids sleep issues which do sound incredibly hard but what I would say is that the older you get the less sleep you need so you are unlikely to return to those long sleepy nights even if you get the chance.
What I mean is that you are missing out on less than you might dream of.
However I do hope you get some undisturbed sleep very soon!!!

Another thread but loads of able-bodied family who send lots of supportive messages but absolutely zero practical help. There will be no overnights with any grandparents or aunts/uncles, in the 6 years I have been a parent there hasn't been even 10 minutes where they have been looked after by family.
I am not usually a moaner and I'm a pragmatic individual but these last few years have been tough going....

I can't remember when I have slept for more than 7 hours in a row

Isn't 7 hours lots? I don't sleep very well so I'm not the best judge, but it sounds like loads to me.

I've got a bad sleeper who is 3 and a 5 month old who looks like he'll be the same. I can totally relate to how others don't seem to understand - I have done controlled crying but it did not 'fix' the problem. It helps with bedtime for a few days but then we're back to square one and it never solved the multiple night wakings.

Everyone thinks it's my own fault because I'm breastfeeding or I'm spoiling them or doing something else wrong to encourage them to wake up a lot. Anyway, as you can tell I clearly have no advice - just wanted to say I understand how you feel.

PS: When I stop breastfeeding the little one I'm going to book a night in a 5 star hotel in town and have a nice meal on my own, a bath with a bottle of wine, a good book and an early night!!!

Im so sorry you're going through this OP. I don't have any words of wisdom, my 15mo is a terrible sleeper. I look back at my older DS and laugh when I think I had it bad then. I'm often woken every two hours. And I get dreadful anxiety going to bed because I just panic about how long it will be before I am woken up. I just wanted to send you some love. It's so isolating and miserable. I often feel as though I live my life in a fog.

Don't think you need more than 7 hours in a row do you? Don't think I've done that in 20 years!

To clarify I get woken around 4 times a night or wake up myself as my sleep is a mess and it's not a quick eye open and roll over. If I add up I may be only getting 3 hours or so of proper sleep, the rest is patchy and interrupted. The 7 hours which was minimum for me in the past is long gone and I think most people would ideally like at least 7 hours a night. I wouldn't be on here if I wasn't finding it so hard.
Thanks so much to the pps who get it, sorry to hear you are going through the same but good to feel less alone.

I have awful insomnia and very bad even for me for me the last three months. I don't think I've had more than four hours sleep in any one night since May.
Last night I didn't sleep at all.
The GP has prescribed me Melatonin -apparently it's an experimental drug for the NHS at the moment-mainly for the over 50's (I'm 38). Made no odds so far-but it takes some time to work perhaps.
I'm wrecked. And my memory is going. I look grey.and fat because my body is storing up food for energy or some such. I just want to go to sleep!!

Shadowkitty I really relate to that, I have people say to me "you need to sort this out"!
Yup..... I'll just get my magic wand..

Is 7 hours not a full night's sleep though?

I think you should put them in secure bedrooms, tucked up in bed after a good meal, and leave them for 6 hours. Every night. Then move to 7 hours.

Hi OP, I really hear you! I only have 1 child but they are almost 6 and still do not sleep through reliably. 2 nightmares last night I feel exhausted like you. I never thought I would be so sleep deprived at this stage. We've tried everything, nothing works. The only saving grace is sometimes I can now snatch a nap when my child is at school.

No advice, just wanted to send