Facebook Dilemma

[Eggsareyourfriend]

Regular but name changed for this

I've got an ex - very ex, from about 18 years ago - let's call him John (he has an unusually spelt surname).

Today I got a friend request on FB from someone I don't know, let's call him Pete. When I looked at Pete's page to see how I might know him - as I thought he might be someone from another forum- there were various references/links to posts by "John" e.g. petitions etc although he himself isn't on FB. In Pete's friends lists there are several with "John'"s surname and he appears in one of their photos.

So now I'm really stumped. When we were dating (it was v on & off and one-sided on my part!) I never met any of John's friends or family. So how can "Pete" know me? And why has he requested me? Also I've married since then and there's no reference to my maiden name on FB. Any ideas as to what's going on and what I should do?

Is Pete actually a fake name that John is using?

Google how Facebook algorithms produce recommended friends and "people you may know", it's pretty astounding. Were you ever at any time friends with John on Facebook?

How do you know John isn't on FB?

I'd block Pete incase John has somehow tracked you down and is asking him to be-friend you so he can look at your page.

Pete is John.
Call catfish

I thought about them being the same person as John doesn't really have any social media presence (I have checked). Our relationship predated FB and we didn't keep in touch so we were never friends on there. But why does John post links in his own name? Why the separate identities?

I would tend to agree that Pete may be John. I know a number of people who don’t use their real name on FB. All for various reasons and none nefarious.

If you searched for John on FB, you would have popped up in his fb as a possible connection. After having looked at Pete’s Profile, you will continue to pop up as a possible friend for him to add.

You do have a choice to message Pete and say, thank you for the friend request, but have we actually met? That you prefer to keep for FB friends as actual people you know in Real Life.

You can do this without actually actioning the friend request. You can still decline it and block Pete if you wish to.

Thanks for the advice Adore. I will message him and see what happens.

Decline the friend request?

How can John be posting links if he isn't on Facebook?

They are links to external sites eg. Sign John's petition, sponsor John on justgiving.

Pete is John, else why would Pete be posting so many of John's links?

You say you've looked for him before and therefore he is not on FB, but if he has his profile locked down and you have no mutual friends you would not see his profile anyway. So, he may well be on there. And he is, but as Pete.

Pete is John, else why would Pete be posting so many of John's links?

This.

Why don’t you just decline the request?

what is the dilemma? just don't respond

unless you want to be back in contact with John

Do you want to be in touch with John again? If not then just decline the request and forget about it. If it is John's friend Pete then you don't know him so no need to message. If it's John and you don't want to add him then don't message and just decline it.