My friend's first pregnancy ended in stillbirth. On top of this she nearly died giving birth. It was horribly traumatic and tragic for her and she still suffers mentally to this day. She is now pregnant again and due to give birth soon.
She wants me to arrange a gathering of some of her closest friends for her before she gives birth. She has categorically said she doesn't want it to become a baby shower, especially as she does not want any baby things in her house before the baby arrives safely. I think she just wants to see people and enjoy some games and cake. I completely understand this, however rational or not it may be. These are her wishes and I respect them.
I have sent an invite to everyone asking them to come for a small party, but that it is not a baby shower so please do not bring gifts, instead a cake or bottle towards the party if they feel the need to bring something. They all know her situation and why she might feel this way. The first responses immediately said that they would come, but they insisted that they were bringing gifts and that it will be a baby shower! I think they assume that it will cheer her up, or that she is just being nice to ask them not to bring them. I am simply asking them to keep the gift and bring it until the baby is born.
Why do people find it so hard to do this? How do I stop them turning this into a shower, when I have been specifically asked not to let that happen? I am an assertive person, but I don't want to get on the bad side of a load of well meaning friends and family before I have been met them.