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Original poster

Why are some people incapable of proper discussion without resorting to the 'I'm entitled to my opinion' line?

32 replies

ManicUnicorn · 22/08/2018 10:42

I'm not talking about mumsnet here, but Ive noticed it a lot on social media recently.

For example I'm a member of a few different groups on Facebook. Often someone will say something like ' I don't like ' someone else's will disagree or challenge the point and the response I'll invebitably be ' I'm allowed an opinion'. Or 'it's called free speech'.

Well yes you are entitled to an opinion, but if you are are airing it on a public forum then other people are also entailed to disagree or challenge it. That is also freedom of speech. I love a good debate/discussion but so many people don't seem capable of it these days. They can't see further than their own views or backing them up . It's sad and depressing, and also slightly infuriating.

Has anyone else noticed this?

OP posts:
FlatPackFurnitureCompAnyone · 22/08/2018 10:45

I know what you mean. Some people seem to think that being allowed to air an opinion means that nobody else is allowed to disagree or draw conclusions about the person who has an opinion based on that opinion (IYSWIM).

It's sad but I honestly just try to ignore it, especially on Facebook. Which is by the way a great place to spot the Dunning–Kruger effect in action!

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 22/08/2018 10:55

That's not what free speech means.

But anyway, I do see their point sometimes. If I say I don't like peas, I'm just saying I don't like peas. I'm not inviting anyone else to tell me why I'm wrong for liking peas.

Original poster
ManicUnicorn · 22/08/2018 10:58

Yes, I do see what you mean. Airing your own opinions is fair enough but then shutting down other people's is not freedom of speech! I generally think these people are probably a bit dim, and think that saying ' I'm allowed an opinion' makes them sound clever.

I keep seeing it everywhere. I know it sounds trivial but on the Strictly Come Dancing page someone commented that no one would watch it because they'd sacked Brendon Cole. Lots of people the next start ro comment in response saying that this person wasn't speaking for them and that they'd still be tuning in. Original poster the new comes back and says 'I'm entitled to my opinion. I mean WTF?

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 22/08/2018 11:00

Its half and half. I have loads of opinions based on university educated research and personal experience. On facebook i can eloquently explain my facts and rational for coming to my conclusion but i still have people telling me i am wrong and i should a)shut up
B) block them
C) leave whatever group i am in because i disagree with them

Thats not free speech and its infuriating that often you cannot have an opinion that differs from herd mentality.

MarthaArthur · 22/08/2018 11:02

But i do get your point. Some people lile to have opinions with zero facts or even reasoning behind them. Its not worth arguing with them.

Original poster
ManicUnicorn · 22/08/2018 11:11

I think they tell you to shut up Martha because they don't know how to respond to well reasoned, intelligent arguments. The mature way of dealing with that would be by agreeing to disagree, but they're obviously not very mature and also bloody rude.

OP posts:
MargoLovebutter · 22/08/2018 11:12

Bugs me too. It is as though by saying that, they can have the final word and close the discussion down. My DD does it A LOT when she is disagreeing with me and has realised her logic is flawed!

I have explained that any dodo can have an opinion about anything, what is more important is to have the supporting facts / theories / evidence to back up the opinion.

Original poster
ManicUnicorn · 22/08/2018 11:20

We have a local Facebook group discussing our town centre and how to improve it etc. As im sure everyone is aware these can be haven of whinging and negativity, but it's kind of relentless on there. Recently some new offices/business space took over some units that had been empty for a while. That bit of town already looks better as a result, but some woman came on the FB page moaning that ' we need shops not offices', people responded stating how shopping habits are changing, the high street is changing and it's tough for retail. At least the buildings now looked tidier etc. Guess what her response was....

OP posts:
Iknowwhoyouare123 · 22/08/2018 11:22

If I made a comment about the death penalty (I am 100% against), I have no interest in anyone else telling me that they disagree. I know all the statistics, I know the facts, there is literally nothing anyone could say to make me change my mind.

There is no debate to be had, all that will happen is that I end up seeing an unpleasant side of people which makes me angry so what would be the point?

MargoLovebutter · 22/08/2018 11:25

Iknowwhoyouare123 I feel the same about hitting children, but I appreciate that other people do have a different perspective to me and I would always rather engage with them and try and change their mind - or open their mind to other possibilities, than not have the discussion at all.

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 22/08/2018 11:36

Why? They don't want you to. They're not inviting a discussion.

It's incredibly pushy.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 22/08/2018 11:39

I think your example OP isn't a very good one tbh!

That's an area where people are entitled to their opinion. Some people would actually disagree that offices can make a town look better, but... yep... they're entitled to their opinion! Shopping habits are changing, but not everyone's is. Some people still like to go and look round shops and interact with people. Some people will think that a couple of offices are a slippery slope to losing the high street in a couple of years.

Sometimes people don't want to be drawn in to a long winded discussion on line and shutting it down with "I'm entitled to my opinion" is just that. Who wants to sit up all night arguing the toss backwards and forwards when no-one's going to change their mind and whoever falls asleep first looks like they "lost".

bringincrazyback · 22/08/2018 11:41

IMHO it tends to result from someone else having just invalidated that person's view in an unconstructive way, e.g. 'That's ridiculous', because that sort of statement has a 'shutting-down' aspect to it.

MargoLovebutter · 22/08/2018 11:43

Iknowwhoyouare123 - I would only engage if they engaged. I don't pipe up in all conversations with everyone I know or even strangers about my opinions on not hitting children.

If you keep your opinions all to yourself, all of the time, how on earth will anything every change? There are appropriate times and places to have such conversations.

mostdays · 22/08/2018 11:47

A lot of people confuse being disagreed with and being attacked. People who think that if you say you believe they are wrong, what you are actually saying is that they have no right to a different opinion from you.

You're entitled to an opinion and I'm entitled to think your opinion is bollocks, and to say so. And vice versa.

Original poster
ManicUnicorn · 22/08/2018 11:48

That's fair enough Milk, but why not just say that instead of shutting down discussion? ' I really like going shopping and would miss the high street if it disappeared' would make far more sense as a response than ' I'm allowed an opinion. End of'.

OP posts:
Iknowwhoyouare123 · 22/08/2018 11:49

But OP is talking about people making a comment on social media about something they don't like and others jumping in to tell them why they are wrong.

And then she's annoyed that those people say that they're entitled to have an opinion.

MarthaArthur · 22/08/2018 11:51

I agree with that most. If i make a statement on social media i always put that its my opinion and others are free to disagree. I am also open to listening to other peoples reasoning. I find it incredibly childish to say my opinions right and i will not listen to anyone elses.

MargoLovebutter · 22/08/2018 11:54

Iknowwhoyouare123 so, if someone on a social media website said "I don't like it when people tell me I shouldn't slap my children", then I would engage!

VikingVolva · 22/08/2018 11:59

No-one is ever convinced by internet 'debate'

And it might welll be that it is the person who is saying it is the holder of the more well-reasoned position, but has chosen that as a disengagement line when they get a aggressive response.

I like the 'peas' analogy

'I don't like peas'
'Oh, I'm quite different, I love them and my granny used to grow them so I think off her if I'm ever shelling rest ones'

'I don't like peas'
'Well you're silly and wilfully overlooking all the health benefits. It's people like you who cause the obesity crisis and it's. Game your parents didn't bring you up in a a decent diet

MargoLovebutter · 22/08/2018 12:05

Viking I have had my mind changed about lots of things after debates on MN.

So, I disagree with your opinion! Wink Although, I do accept I may be the exception to your rule, as I have no evidence to support my opinion, other than my own anecdotal experience.

MarthaArthur · 22/08/2018 12:26

I learn loads from internet debates. If its something about statistics and facts i will always look it up and cross reference. If its an opinion i want to know how they formed it as i might learn something. My friend hugely disagrees with something i once did. She wasnt haopy but when i explained why i did it she understood my stance even though she still disagreed.

MrsSteptoe · 22/08/2018 12:28

Oh God, my DH does this. "I can't have my own opinion, blah blah blah". Yes you can, you just need to deal with the fact that I will challenge it if I think it's bollox.

RibbonAurora · 22/08/2018 12:32

It can be one of a few things:

I'm not up for debate about it. It was a simple statement that I don't like peas. Stop telling me why I must like peas just because you do.

I'm backed into a corner. I know I was showing off saying peas are legumes not vegetables, now I realise legumes are a class of vegetables but I'm embarrassed to admit that.

My opinion that peas have no nutritional value is more valid than your facts proving they do. I'm right and everyone else is wrong.

Of course, these are all ways of shutting down discussion but also a signal that the person is withdrawing from the discussion which should be respected regardless of if they've been a complete arse prior to that. You need to let them go, OP.

dotdotdot3 · 22/08/2018 12:37

Being 'entitled to an opinion' is one of THE most vacuous statements ever, and it really, really annoys me when people offer it as part of an argument or discussion.

Think about - an opinion is a mental event, a thought, something which will rise from experience as surely as smoke rises from a fire.

Being 'entitled' to it is a stupid thing to say - opinions are private and inevitable and it isn't actually possible or meaningful to grant permission for them - they are going to be there whatever. It is not possible to forbid or ban opinions because they occur as thoughts.

Whenever someone resorts to this in a discussion, you just know they've already lost the argument.

I blame Simon Cowell for popularising this little piece of idiocy.