How crazy is this as a wedding idea?

[SargeantAngua]

DP and I have just got engaged and are talking through wedding ideas. We're leaning towards having a registry office wedding with closest family (about 15 of us) followed by a nice afternoon tea or similar. Formal thing but not crazily so (No walking down aisle, a pretty and comfy dress rather than "wedding" dress, a bouquet, DPs niece as bridesmaid as she would love to do it)
Then, a week or 2 later having a party - child friendly no set seating, nice food buffet/hog roast type thing, short speeches, cake, dancing - for maybe 50 friends and family.

Does that sound crazy? We're worried about inviting friends to a non-wedding, iyswim - asking people to travel up and down the country when they wont actually see us getting married.

There are reasons. I have ME, very little energy, use a mobility scooter, and stress and anxiety eats energy even more. This would allow me to enjoy it more, no pressure of wobbling down an aisle, uncomfortable dress, being stared at by loads of people saying vows. I'd have time to properly rest before having fun celebrating with everyone. Neither of us want a big "look at us" wedding but would still like to celebrate with friends. Although in theory 2 occasions adds more planning, we want to cut out a lot of the fancy wedding bits and keep it all as simple as possible.

Sounds great!! Not a “non wedding” at all - simply how you’ve chosen to celebrate!

Enjoy

Sounds perfect and not crazy at all. It's a celebration of your wedding.
The actual wedding is the boring bit:)

Congratulations!

I think that sounds lovely! It’s very similar to what I would do too. You don’t have to have any reason for doing what you want other than it’s YOUR (and OH’s!) day and you’re doing what you both want. People should accept that. Go for it!

Oh it sounds lovely to me. Do what suits you both best. And enjoy it x

OP, you have just described how I would want my wedding to be (if that ever happened)

Nice simple wedding day with close family and friends and a nice afternoon tea (or fish and chips or KFC early dinner) then a party a few weeks later inviting everyone else.

Sounds bloody perfect to me! Remember it's you and your partners day, celebrate it how you want it celebrated! :) :)

Yes! Awesome. Do it. You might lose a few people with very long journeys but who cares.

It sounds brilliant. Some friends of ours did this a couple of years ago. Just their family there, 20 ish I think. They didn't let anyone else know the date until afterwards! But they had a fab registry office do plus lunch at a nice restaurant afterwards. They got married in the Spring, but it was the wife's significant birthday in the Summer, so they had a huge party then!

Congratulations!

Sounds perfect to me!

Sounds like the best way ever to my ears.

It doesn't sound crazy at all! DH and I recently got married at a registry office with close family only present. The next day was my 40th and we had a very informal party - the wedding was kept secret (mostly!) until we did a "big reveal" at the party.

We had people take loads of photos at the wedding and then we set up a projector at the party to show all the photos and make people feel a bit more involved in the wedding. Maybe you could do something like that?

That sounds lovely. The best weddings are when it's actually about the couple rather than a big show.

For me the best bit is the wedding ceremony so I'd feel a bit disappointed just to go to the party.

We have someone marrying soon. We're not going. Probably will go to the party if not on a school date but it won't be the same.

Your wedding day plans sound lovely but I think a party lately is a bit rubbish. All or nothing for me.

Apologies. I missed your last paragraph in your OP. . Think in this case perfectly acceptable and right.

Yes sounds lovely and what I myself would love! I hate the idea of being made up and everyone's eyes on me and when we do finally get married I think we will do something nice and relaxed much the same!

Sounds lovely go for it

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all the replies including YearOfYouRemember - an initial view without knowing the facts is interesting as others might feel like that too.

That's basically what we did, as we'd been together for years and didn't want a big do.

Registry office on a Friday and afternoon tea in our back garden, with vintage crockery etc from charity shops.

Not relevant I know, but for our elderly mums (both mid 80s) it was ideal. In fact, DH's mum said it was one of the best days of her life and she rarely gave praise.

Go for it if it's what you want.

I've just got married and also have ME You will get through it, the crash didn't happen for a few days after for me as the adrenaline kept me going.

It sounds wonderful! Perfectly suited to you and your fiancé but also with a chance to celebrate with family and friends. That's what its all about.

Sounds absolutely perfect

It sounds a perfect way of doing it - go for it!

OP, how lovely and gracious you were after my terrible faux pas 👰🏼 💍 🤵 💐

Sounds lovely! However, if you're having speeches etc at the big party, please specifically tell this to your guests in advance and tell them what time to arrive by! We went to a tiny family wedding, then back to the house for lunch where their parents made little speeches. Then they had a party a few weeks later, a bit like you're planning. It was advertised as starting at 6pm so we planned to arrive around 6.30. At 6.29 we got a phone call asking where the hell we were, because the speeches were about to begin. The thing is we had genuinely no idea that there were going to be any speeches, because we'd already been to the wedding and had never been to a three-weeks-after-the-wedding party before. So people were annoyed with us for being late, but I still put it down to their own lack of communication.

It sounds perfect!

Sounds lovely , just the sort of wedding I would like