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Original poster

Having houseguests make me insecure and paranoid. Anyone else?

28 replies

losenotloose · 20/08/2018 16:17

It's ridiculous. I've got my inlaws staying for 2 weeks and I just can't relax. They're lovely people but I feel intruded upon, like our normal routine is inadequate (ie kids maybe being in front of screens too much) and just generally on edge. We can't even communicate as we don't speak each other's language.

I don't expect any advice but does anyone else find it hard having people to stay? I need my own space!

OP posts:
lightonthewater · 20/08/2018 16:20

Yes, three days is quite enough. I can't take it any longer than that, and that's only for people I really feel at ease with. Otherwise, only a trip over for a few hours.

FannyFifer · 20/08/2018 16:21

I hate anyone staying in my house but equally I hate staying in others houses.

TroubledLichen · 20/08/2018 16:23

I generally quite like having house guests but 2 weeks with in laws that you can’t even talk to due to the language barrier sounds bloody awful! Hope it goes quickly for you.

Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 16:23

I hate staying at theirs even more! I feel bad but I'm counting down the days. Dh is finding it hard too but at least he can communicate, and he doesn't have to worry about all the cooking.

OP posts:
Knittedfairies · 20/08/2018 16:25

2 weeks! I look forward to your canonisation...

Ifailed · 20/08/2018 16:26

Absolutely! House guests are like fish, they begin to smell (metaphorically) after 3 days. Unless you live in a grand mansion where everybody can have their own space, it is horrible.

DP had a load of rellies from Canada & Ireland and felt obliged to let them visit us in London. Can't say I blamed them as it saved a fortune on hotel bills, but after a couple of days I found it awful. I had a routine on weekdays & would leave the house at 6 am; there is nothing worse than going down to make a cup of tea at that time of day to be confronted by unknown cousins sat round the table jet-lagged who wanted to talk . More than once I was tempted to check into a hotel myself!

Pippylou · 20/08/2018 16:26

Even my most confident friend says 2 days max for guests.

I'd look and see if there was an AirBnB nearby for longer visits. I don't stay at in-laws now and I wouldn't have inlaws in my house, my standards are inadequate to theirs.

Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 16:28

Ha, I'll try and forgive myself for not finding it a barrel of laughs. I've actually got a headache from being 'on' all the time.

I consider myself a fairly good cook but I'm not even sure they're enjoying my cooking, particularly dmil. It's obviously not what they're used to.

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 16:32

Interesting, pippy. Inlaws house is spotlessly clean and tidy, no dust etc. My standards are ok but I don't want to spend my whole life cleaning. And they're from a culture where this stuff matters.

OP posts:
SleepWarrior · 20/08/2018 16:33

Could they do some of the cooking, maybe under the guise of showing you/the kids some of their cuisine?

Any TV/radio/films that you can stick on in their language?

Yes it's a total drag having houseguests for too long!

Blobby10 · 20/08/2018 16:39

2 weeks is far too long imo!! I just came back from overseas staying with my brother and his wife. Was there from a Thursday nights to very early Tuesday morning and it was plenty long enough. They were both amazing but I felt like I would have been intruding had I stayed longer. Brother had Friday and Monday off work so we went cycling together, all 3 of us did cycling and hiking over the weekend. I did pay for lunch a few times! Then when they met up with me in another city a couple of days later I paid for several dinners and brunches for the 3 days we were together there.

Get freaked out at having someone to stay for one night in my own house Grin

I think your inlaws sound very hard work!!

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 20/08/2018 16:43

Yeah... it’s natural isn’t it.... everyone has their quirks and you feel you can’t fully relax. Must be worse when it’s your in laws I imagine!

GreenMeerkat · 20/08/2018 16:51

YES!

My MIL lives abroad and comes to stay for days at a time. Although no language barrier I absolutely hate it. She's fine, not a problem MIL or anything but I'm just constantly on edge and feel I can't relax in my own home.

2 weeks sounds like complete hell!

Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 16:55

I don't expect her to cook because I never do when we stay at theirs so I feel I must return the favour. They also don't like eating out, they don't get it and see it as a waste of money when you can just eat at home!

My nerves are shredded.

OP posts:
sexnotgender · 20/08/2018 16:57

I’ll see your 2 weeks and raise you 3Sad

I was ready to move out.

sexnotgender · 20/08/2018 17:00

Getting a repeat performance in January when I’ll have a newborn. Super excited to breastfeed with fil in the house who hates me.

Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 17:00

Bloody hell! They wanted to stay for a month😮. We stayed with them for 3 weeks once and it was a nightmare, 2 weeks is the maximum.

OP posts:
Takfujimoto · 20/08/2018 17:01

I won't let anyone stay in my house and I don't impose (offered or not) on anyone else either.

I'd rather pay for someone's hotel room than sit in my PJ's with a non immediate family member from either side.
I'm an equal opportunity excluder.

I will however cook up a storm and make sure people are well fed, but no sleepovers.

sexnotgender · 20/08/2018 17:02

I wanted 2 weeks which I thought was generous. DH wanted a month, I cried that 3 weeks was the ‘compromise’.

LeftRightCentre · 20/08/2018 17:02

Why is your husband not doing his share of the cooking?

TittyGolightly · 20/08/2018 17:03

Dh is finding it hard too but at least he can communicate, and he doesn't have to worry about all the cooking.

Why doesn’t he?

Original poster
losenotloose · 20/08/2018 17:08

He never cooks. Before anyone says anything, he does lots of other stuff so he doesn't just sit on his arse -unless we're at inlaws-

OP posts:
Pippylou · 20/08/2018 17:11

I would get them (I do mean, her tho, if they are from a traditional background) cooking because if they are people who like to be busy, then sitting around will be doing their head in...

I've not stayed with my in-laws since they complained, several years later, about how much I'd splashed IN the shower. They keep an immaculate house, I don't and wouldn't get to their standard, even if I tried as our house is more a doer-upper and they like done.

I left for 2 days when my DH was jumped by a friend asking to stay, bringing another person with him that we'd never met. I always do the cooking and he was astonished by how much hard work it was to cater. It worked well, actually, made him realise.

StandardPoodle · 20/08/2018 19:51

I take my hat off to you OP - you're a saint!
I hate having people stay for even one night - immediate family only for me!

FuzzyCustard · 20/08/2018 20:09

I don't like having overnight guests. It makes me feel anxious and I have a lot of trouble sleeping with someone else in the house. I also worry about feeding them (i don't like cooking) and being sufficiently marvellous as a hostess.
But Two Weeks, OP. That's way beyond reasonable.

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