Should I tell my dp about my feelings towards colleague?

[slightlyawks]

I'd like to start by saying I love my dp. We have been together 12 years and have lovely dc. We've had a lot of stresses through the years with poor health and money worries but we mostly get on and are usually very happy together.

The problem is I've started to have strong feelings towards my colleague. We work together 4 days a week and I'm finding I'm looking forward to those 4 days with him rather than my days off with dp. I feel really shit about it as I love the family we have together.

The man in question is very flirtatious towards me and always complimenting me on how I look and has become very touchy when we are talking to each other. An example is I banged my elbow on the desk so he began to rub my arm! Usually if anyone touched me I'd pull away but this time I didn't. It's been other times too.

Im wondering if I should tell my dp what's happening or if I should just try and back off from said colleague and hope he backs off too. I'm worried if dp saw the way he was acting towards me he would think something was going on behind his back but it's not.

I would absolutely NOT tell my DP about it, what would you say? I would also definitely back off from the colleague - if he doesn't back off too, tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to!

Personally I would find a way to distance myself from the person in question as much as possible, at best you are on the brink of an emotional affair and it's best to nip in the bud immediately. Potentially moving jobs as worst case scenario

If you tell your DH but the situation doesn't change and you are still working closely with this person how do you expect him to react?

Don't tell your dp and back off. That is the only sensible course of action.

It can be flattering to have someone find us attractive, it's easy to get into a bit of a rut and take our partners for granted but no, this man is just flirting with you, why would you even tell your partner. A lot of women would find your colleagues behaviour inappropriate and report him for sexual harrassment.

Do not tell your dp about this, distance your self from this bloke and sort out the problems with your dp.

The reason I wanted to tell him is I didn't want him to think I was hiding something from him if he saw us chatting together.

If I was to leave this job dp would wonder why as I've worked for the company for over 10 years and have never had a problem there, until now.

If you are going to back off from said colleague then your DP won't see you chatting together, will he?

Hilary I don't think the colleague will get the hint straight away so will probably still try to chat with me

So what do your want DH to do about it? he doesn't work with you.

By all means tell your DH if you're leaving your job because of a flirtatious friendship.

But don't tell him "By the way I flirt with a guy at work who likes me, but there's nothing to worry about". It will make him worry!

Are you bored and looking to spice up your life with some love triangle drama? Because just don't. Save all three of you from that.

Why on earth would you tell your partner? What does it do other than remove a little guilt on your part?

I think unless you are planning on leaving your partner, or acting on your feelings, you would be incredibly selfish to tell him. It would be to ease your guilt, and to make you feel better about yourself - and essentially it's going to make him feel like utter shit. He won't trust you, he will feel anxious about you going to work, he will ALWAYS have the thought in the back of his head that you'd mess around or fall for a colleague (not necessarily this one).

'By the way babe, I really fancy this bloke at work, I enjoy it, but it's just flirting, have a nice day!'

What good could possible come of it?

Why on earth would you do anything else but cut off the flirtations and chalk it up as a daft fanny twitch (we all get em)?

Telling your DP relives your guilt but makes him feel shit without solving anything.

I wonder if subconsciously you want to tell, have him freak out, and you can do something about this other man guilt free.

Distance yourself. Emotionally and physically.