Brother in law

[doreen2]

Hello, what would you do?
My husband has a brother who is 5 years older (about 65 years old) who lives in the US. He has a wife and two adult children, and somehow he managed to have only worked for a few years as a cab driver and security man. In the last 10 years he is being financially supported by my husband. He also lives in a house that my husband has bought of him as the brother was in debts but the house has a long list of repairs and monthly maintenance, such as a gardener and utility bills. The brother is morbidly obese and cannot walk anymore and has lots of health issues. The financial support is taking a big chunk out of out monthly budget and although my husband knows this, he does not know how to change things.
I am very upset about the situation as we are always short of cash, have not been on a holiday etc, but equally, we are only married for 2 years and I was not aware to the full extent of the brother situation until more recently. Yesterday we called the brother to speak with him but he has put down the phone and not answered anymore. My husband suggested to let it all go but I am not happy about the situation.
Any advise? Thank you.

This can't be real?

Yes it is very real.

So you’ve married into a complicated situation that you were not fully aware of and your husband didn’t really tell you what was going on and doesn’t want it to change. That makes you not really an equal partner in the marriage, right? How happy are you with your h apart from this money situation?

Separate your finances, and pay for half of everything each. You can both do what you like with the rest of your money.

Thanks for the advice. It is really a very difficult situation and I do not feel like an equal partner at all in many ways. My h makes the point of not listening to me or to refuse asking me doing things. For example, he has also a hoarding problem and put everything in an outside building. He wanted to burn some stuff in the building's old boiler and I asked him not to do it as it would be too dangerous. When i went to work, he took the opportunity to burn some wood and the whole building burnt down. All he said when I came home was that he should have listened to me. He was not very hurt as he escaped through a window. he just makes no sense to me. Equally, his son who is 17 has no manners, on a very basic level. My h makes the point not to teach him any social manners as 'life will teach him'. he his just weird and I am considering to separate. It is just too crazy and stressful. He also never touches me romantically and the reason why we are not going on holidays is because on our last mini break I was upset that he did not touch me, and this is now the reason why we are not going on holidays. Similar, his so, I was upset that he never says 'hello' and this is now the reason that the son does not say 'hello'. Makes no sense and I am the one to be blamed.

Feel like I've stepped into the twilight zone!

Is this for real OP? 🤔

Are you living in the u.k. may I suggest you leave your husband, it does not sound like a happy marriage.