Strong willed DS

[Heartland3]

Hello. I am at a loss with my DS. He is the most kind and gentle soul one minute and when things aren't going his way he completely stops listening to what he's being told. I have tried everything....reward charts, thinking chair, removal of favourite toys. Nothing seems to resonate with him. Can anyone offer some advice if they've been in this situation? He's 4 years old and is an angel in school according to the teachers so maybe he saves it for me

My DS is like this but is the same in any setting. He’s very strong willed. Mine responds better to deep voices for some reason.

Thanks Blair. It's so frustrating isn't it? He responds better to praise than being reprimanded but DH deep voice doesn't flinch him at all

My dgs4 is absolutely adorable but exactly the same. It's probably just a phase.

Yes it is. DS had a huge tantrum in a casual restaurant recently. Throwing himself on the floor, hitting me, running away, screaming. I’m pregnant and have ligament pain so was limited in how quickly and effectively I could catch him and he took full advantage of that.

Is he being assessed for anything? Mine is mildly autistic.

I hope so Single
Blair he attends speech therapy and I raised this with the therapist and she said she sees no signs that would suggest that he was autistic. Take care of yourself and good luck with baba.

It might just be frustration if he has speech problems? DS had a speech delay that’s almost corrected now and when he couldn’t speak, he was a lot worse!

Thank you :)

This sounds exactly like my DS, 5. He not only doesn't listen to anything we try to ask him to do/not do but does lots of angry shouting, rudeness and generally horrible behaviour when faced with anything he's unhappy about. He's the same, an angel in school and when looked after by anyone other than me or DH, perfectly behaved and listens really well. We are at a bit of a loss too as what to do. Sometimes he'll respond to reward charts for good behaviour (but not always) but not at all to sanctions or punishments of any kind. Will follow to see if anyone else has any good ideas! I'm hoping it's a phase but it's lasted getting on for 2 years!

Oh Missi, here's hoping someone on here has some good advice. It's terribly frustrating as a mother

look up Pathological Demand Avoidance. Sounds like this.

Had a look there nanny. Thanks but that doesn't really describe my DS behaviour.

Mines the same. It's a phase. Try distraction or making something onto a game and love bombing. It's just testing boundaries and figuring out what they can get away with. I save the threatening to send them to bed for the really bad stuff. Mine also responds to being given a big boy job to do like fetching the broccoli in the supermarket, measuring the flour, etc. Supervised.
Bedtimes we started a race up the stairs which worked for a month but he's wised up now.
It's all a learning curve.
I have a terrible 2yo too, to go with my fearsome 4yo.
I sometimes use the same techniques.

If you're on Facebook join the Therapeutic Parenting closed group. It may give you a different way of parenting that may work better. You will be encouraged to join the National Association of Therapeutic Parents.

I feel your pain

My ds 4 is the same

2 things I have to do is give him a full list of everything we are going to do before hand. Break it down step by step and make it all sound fun.
And secondly, only gave the full talking to about bad behaviour after he has calmed down. When he kicks off he can’t listen to anything. So he screams and tantrums as much as he likes back to the car. Then fall asleep usually. Then eat something in the car and then gets a talking to about how cross I am with what happened

I keep trying to remember that his strong willed stubbornness could serve him well in later life (if it doesn’t break me first 😂)

Good luck with number 2 😁

www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

This is good.

Thank you all. Cloud that is positive and helpful advice. Maybe I need to approach him differently. DS is adorable and loving 80% of the time. I feel like I've painted him in a bad light and as pp said, this might serve him greatly in his future if it doesn't break me first