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Rubbish birthday again.

20 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 15:21

I know it's only a birthday. I'm just wondering if I'm being sensitive or pathetic really. I haven't posted in aibu as I think the replies might tip me over the edge. I separated from husband last year. 2 small children. Times are rather stressful at the moment with him behaving very chaotically. I'm still in the family home. My family have been a big help and support. So it was my birthday at the weekend. I am not one for big celebrations or being the centre of attention but I do think it's nice to make an effort for their birthdays be it a lunch out, spa day, event tickets etc. The plans we made were altered and moved and in the end I said not to worry, (several people couldn't come, was ending up me babysitting everyone's kids basically) we'd do something another time. (I know this is unlikely. ) So that was that, I spent the dat with my small ones. It was nice, but I guess I end up feeling like an afterthought, or not thought at all as people can't make the tiniest effort. I don't expect lots of money to be spent. I guess I am feeling crappy all rou d and this really didn't help.

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 15:22

Well I really do sound pathetic there! I think the reality of life alone is setting in. I don't have anyone to share things with.

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 19/08/2018 15:37

Sounds pretty crap but you said...

"I am not one for big celebrations or being the centre of attention"
"...and in the end I said not to worry," etc

So maybe your family got the impression you weren't bothered?
I don't blame you for feeling sensitive, you've been through a lot. However the reality is you need to tell people how you feel and what you want (yeah I know it's nice when people can tell, but that's rare in my experience!)

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 15:53

Thanks, I have told them in the past. They all for big celebrations and don't take into account that they have all moved to the same village and I'm the only one who hasn't. I did tell them what I'd like to do but it's like because they don't see it as a big enough thing, it's not worth doing it at all or all the plans are changed to something I really don't want to do. Hence me saying not to bother, as I wouldn't have enjoyed it and several people wouldn't have been there. I just wonder if I expect too much even when I don't expect much at all!

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 19/08/2018 16:04

Probably in their minds they made suggestions and plans and you said don't bother, so they didn't do anything else.

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 16:19

No sorry, I made suggestions and plans and they dropped out, changed them until it was me and 1 other adult taking all their (and my) children out. For my birthday.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 19/08/2018 16:22

Right. 1. Never say ‘dont worry about me / it’. people will take you literally.

  1. Send out a group email / whatsapp / whatever now saying somethin along the lines of Been thinking about an alternative event for my birthday! How about (something fun for you) on x date at x time?
Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 16:31

Thanks Count. The trouble is, I did that originally, made plans of something I would like to do, and that they all said they'd like to (though kept suggesting "bigger better" things.....) It happens all the time. I did actually say to the the remaining adult, no I'm not going to do that now as I don't want to be supervising all these kids on my own. The outing was to a place I wouldn't take my 2 on my own let alone several others (think climbing, needing supervision etc)

My husband was bloody useless at this stuff, my children are at an age where giving cards is VERY exciting. No one has bothered.

OP posts:
MrsMozart · 19/08/2018 16:34

Ah. I see. My misreading, sorry.

Not sure what to suggest. Next year keep it small? Tell family and friends what you'd like, eg cards. Maybe ask a relative or close friend to organize cards from your children.

Mumteedum · 19/08/2018 17:05

Ahh it's my birthday this week. My first couple after separation were great either just with immediate family or once a good night out with friends. I've found friends have been busy lately with their own families so this year I booked May holiday to cover my birthday. I will be spending the day with my son who is 7. We're having a nice day out somewhere I want to go that he will enjoy too. Calling in to see my parents the day after for birthday cake and tea. All low key and I will be happy with that.

I am sorry it hasn't gone to plan for you this year. All I can think is that next year you decide and plan your day for you and kids? Maybe let wider family and friends know when you'll be home and happy to see them if they want to come and see you (and hopefully give you a gift!)

Happy birthday to you in any case CakeFlowers hope you can put your feet up later and watch a nice movie or something x

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 17:09

Thanks Mum I hope you have a good birthday. I'm thinking if asking stbx to change his day next weekend and go and do something for myself, by myself!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 19/08/2018 17:11

So they wanted to do Go Ape or such? What did you want to do?

If I were you I’d say I would really like to do this with you all to celebrate my birthday on a belated weekend. I would love to spend this quality time with you and it would mean a lot. I know it might seem a bit tame but I honestly would really like to.

MiddleClassProblem · 19/08/2018 17:13

PS time to yourself is one of my favourite things to do. I don’t have any hobbies really to do solo but I like to take myself out to lunch and have a cocktail or two.

Andylion · 19/08/2018 17:18

No sorry, I made suggestions and plans and they dropped out, changed them until it was me and 1 other adult taking all their (and my) children out. For my birthday.

How did you end up babysitting for other people on your own birthday?

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 17:34

Andy as it was a family gathering planned, and they have children, but the adults decided to drop out or do something else they thought the kids could still go. Without their parents. It didn't happen as that's when I said no!

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C0untDucku1a · 19/08/2018 17:51

What did you want to do?

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/08/2018 17:53

I'd arranged the day out which included activities for the various children, but also included enough adults to make it a nice day for everyone, hopefully.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 19/08/2018 17:59

Youre trying to please everyone on your birthday. Tryinng to please everyone never works.

What do YOU want to?

MudCity · 19/08/2018 18:01

That’s really sad. I feel for you and don’t think you sound at all pathetic. Like a previous poster said I tend to spend my birthday having my hair done, going shopping, having a spa day by myself....stuff everyone else. Maybe next year, arrange for someone to babysit your DC and have a lovely day either by yourself or with one friend (someone who won’t let you down). Forget the rest of them, they sound awful.

MudCity · 19/08/2018 18:02

Yes, agree with previous poster....don’t try to please everyone else!

AdaColeman · 19/08/2018 18:06

Next year make your plans for you and your own children to have a nice day, day at the zoo, birthday picnic in the garden, day at the seaside, whatever you choose enjoy it with your children and forget about relatives.
If your family want to do something with you, ask them to do it another day and organise it for you, maybe a BBQ that you can go to as a guest rather than looking after all the other children, which I agree with you wouldn't be much of a birthday treat.

Hope you soon perk up and start feeling better, birthdays can be hard when you are on your own. Thanks

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