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Original poster

I'm slightly drunk and dealing with grief

16 replies

crumble2 · 19/08/2018 02:41

So I have been out tonight. Had a good time and didn't drink too much, but got home and opened another bottle of wine.

A close relative died recently. I think I have dealt with that quite well eventually but I miss him like hell.
DH has just gone to bed but I have now got a taste for the alcohol and I want to drink more and listen to music.

I know that this is the road to ruin but I can't stop myself.
If I continue drinking, I will feel like shit in the morning. I am also likely to start crying at sad songs thinking about my relative, then I will also look like shit.

Also, if I stay up drinking, I will start posting random shit on threads that I will regret tomorrow.

Don't know why I'm posting because I am beyond salvation. I know that because Michael Bolton has just come on and I'm enjoying it Sad

In seriousness, i don't know what to do. I miss my brother and want him back.

OP posts:
Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 02:47

Maybe I should just post to myself and get it all out.?

OP posts:
PinkAvocado · 19/08/2018 02:50

Oh Crumble. I don’t think there are any comforting words out there at the moment and I have no advice for how to deal with grief as I’m not dealing fantastically with it atm. But I know how rubbish a hangover can be so don’t lump a too bad one on yourself.

Sad songs-go for it. Flowers

Blizy · 19/08/2018 02:56

Crumble I'm dealing with the same right now, been out drinking and I'm pining and missing my dd like you wouldn't believe.i do hope you are ok?

Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 02:57

Pink Thank you. I don't even know why I posted.
I think I just want to think about wallow about my DB but I'm not expected to talk about him in real life.
x

OP posts:
Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 03:01

Oh Blizy. I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks
I lost my brother. It's killing me but I cannot even imagine how hard it must be to lose your own child Thanks
My DB was 51 and that feels too young. I can only imagine what you are going through Sad

OP posts:
Quantumblue · 19/08/2018 03:01

Music, I find, is a great outlet for grief. (Alcohol not So much). Play and sing along and let your tears flow.

Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 03:03

Blizy. You have put my sadness into perspective. How are you doing? Wanna talk?

OP posts:
Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 03:04

Quatumblue thank you for replying. I agree.

OP posts:
RosemaryHoight · 19/08/2018 03:11

Tell us about your brother.

My sister died six years ago, she was a pain but I'd give anything to have her back again.

MrsCatE · 19/08/2018 03:11

crumble deal with your grief in the way that suits you. Music and shared memories sounds good. Also, what's wrong in wallowing in our own, very intimate personal grief?

Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 03:28

Rosemary I found my brother dead at his home. Suffice to say. it wasn't pleasant.

I had a thread on here and I received a great deal of support.
I disclosed a lot of detail about our life that was very outing, not least because I named him.

I'm going to do it again because I feel that I am denying him by not naming him.

My brother was called Simon. Simon, who I love and miss every day.
Simon who will forever be with me and is more important than anyone recognising me on mn.
Simon who was 51 and had his life before him. Simon who had his demons. Simon who was warm and cuddly and enriched my life.
Simon who I miss more than life itself

OP posts:
PositivelyPERF · 19/08/2018 03:49

I’m so sorry that you have lost your brother, Simon. Unless a person has lost someone that they love so much, they have no idea of the actual ‘physical’ pain that grief causes. When I lost my husband, my chest and whole body hurt so much I thought I was about to join my dear sweet man.

I crawled very deeply into the bottle and would have went under, if the kids didn’t need me. I’m not going to tell you to stop drinking, but could you get a big jug/bottle of water and drink a glass of water for each alcoholic drink you have. One glass of wine for your brother and one glass of water for those that love you. ❤️

Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 04:10

Positively thank you for the advice. I have to admit that when I posted this thread, I wanted to drink myself into oblivion and cry and weep about my beloved brother Si. Sadly, I haven't drunk a drop since I started the thread. I don't know why really.
Maybe because Simon was alcohol dependant,. Maybe because I know I will feel crap tomorrow. Maybe because I know it won't bring him back. and that is the decider. As much as I wish it, I can't bring him back.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 19/08/2018 04:16

So sorry for your loss crumble x

Music is great to let your feelings flow. May I suggest taking your phone to bed with earphones and play it loud. You might be a bit more tired in the morning but better than hungover x

Original poster
crumble2 · 19/08/2018 04:22

MyName I am listening with headphones (in the living room) but you are right. Fortunately, I haven't drunk any of the wine I poured myself.

I am still gripped with the overwhelming sense of loss of Simon, but try as I might, I can't bring myself to drink. Simon was an alcoholic (functioning) but still dependant.

OP posts:
MyNameIsAlexDrake · 19/08/2018 04:29

You'll be thankful of the non wine tomorrow.

What were Simon's favourite songs?

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